09/17/19, Tuesday

1. Within Range: yes
2. General Wellbeing: 9.5 on SS
3. 10,000+ Steps: 7433
4. Fitness: walking and stair laundry trips
5. Self-Care: hair cut and color today
6. Fun: cleaning
7. I learned/relearned: Getting off sugar and carbs gets easier with practice.

XXOOXX to BB !

Well, we fell in love with the Dodge Bighorn 4 X 4 truck we rented in Maine. The dogs LOVED the back seat and floor and it was a sweet ride. We stopped by the local dealer yesterday, found EXACTLY what we wanted, and pick it up today. It is tow ready, so if we ever feel so inclined, we could tow it behind the RV. Not that many vehicles are made to be towed. DC is over the moon !

I get my hair cut and colored today. It rained all day yesterday, so no mowing but lots of cleaning and laundry.

Nice truck! DD is a truck girl (has a Tacoma), so she'd approve!

I have started to pack clothing for DH and have just a few items to get (easy to get on winter shoes/sneakers and socks). I will probably sign the lease tomorrow. I feel good about my decision except when I am at a support group and someone proclaims that they will care for their loved one at home until the end. Trends on who feels that way: have a lot of money so can hire round the clock care (more expensive than a facility); have been married 50+ years (so are later in life than me); most are male, so perhaps they don't have an issue with physically managing a loved one? Anyway, I feel guilty when I hear those folks, but I can't imagine spending potentially the next five years (maybe even more) this way.

In the vein of looking ahead, I want to book my first Florida trip. I have also been thinking about doing a 2-3 day getaway by myself to break the post-placement depression I am fearful of. Maybe around the 8th or 9th of October. I have to think through what I'd prefer to do to decide where to go...

Have a thoughtful Tuesday!

I'm sure your husband wouldn't want you to spend the next 5 years this way either.

Truth. And those people who make those declarations don't know yet if they're going to be able to do it either... they might be doing it now, but they cannot predict where they'll be, two days, two weeks, two years down the road.

Amen!

Totally agree!

Weight: 168.4. No bathroom. Grrr May need to go to more extreme measures.

I'm sure there are so many things I would ordinarily grump about today. Maybe My PS appointment yesterday. Wow what a different turn yesterday took.

I ultimately knew this was always coming. And I knew it would always be hard. I would always remind myself anytime I got frustrated with her "don't leave it on bad terms. Don't let that be the last thing you say to her." Every holiday I knew the importance of it. My husband thought this was a very pessimistic perspective. But I'm so glad I thought in those terms. Make it count. Might be the last. Don't regret what was said.

And you know. You still do. I think about how I got frustrated with her to the point of meanness. I probably shared some of that on here with you. Recently she wasn't eating. I turned very authority on her and demanded she eat more. Or that she take her pills. I might have even told her that if she didn't eat and take pills, we couldn't let her live alone. That haunts me. It was born from a good place. But she was childlike and not doing it on purpose. She was beginning to get confused and especially in the last week or so had not been feeling well enough to eat much. I know some of you know how hard it is to have to take on the parent role, especially as the child (or in my case, grandchild). I hope that in the end I'm forgiven. I'm pretty confident she knew how very much I loved her.

I've already wanted to call her this morning. i'm sure that's going to get worse. I keep thinking about her things. I want to save them for her. I'm sure all of this is normal.

Granddaddy died just a few days after WLS (so 9.5 years ago). We were completely blindsided. But with this one we always knew it was around the corner. I guess I'm happy that it happened in the way that it did. She was hanging laundry on the clothesline with her pup on a beautiful September day. How perfect for her, if not for us.

Yes, it is often the survivors for whom the individual's death is more difficult. Though you may have been stern with her of late you were always good to her and just remember that and how much love you shared.

Outside hanging out clothes- doing- living. A lovely memory to come (I know, not now, but someday)- Take care and walk gently with no regrets; the loving times are the gift to hold on to.