Monday 9-16-19

Weight: unknown, but it was about 171.5 yesterday which is probably pretty good considering meds still ahem causing bathroom problems and still swollen.

Well I've been rotten to everyone. And I'm not proud of it. I'm still so much in a funk. It reminds me that when I was overweight I think I was a lot meaner. And I think it had to do with how I felt about myself.

I'm still really disappointed with the lipo and scar revision, but that's done and I guess we'll see.

But the thought dawned on me yesterday: would I have ever been happy? Doubtful of that. I guess in some ways I still grieve this whole thing. I know, there's soooo much more to life. And I'm extremely lucky. But when I'm down in the dumps I do tend to dwell on the "why me" aspect. And I think PS is just a reminder of what never could have been. Even with it I have scars at best. It drives me crazy that I would spend thousands of dollars to remove love handles to no end. But it's done.

I'm posting all this out here because I think some people might find it really useful. I know I used to think PS was the final missing piece. I'd lose the weight and then get surgery if necessary and I'd be fixed. I was so very wrong. What a mind game

I do see the PS today. I'm trying to calm my breath and not go off on her. I mostly just want answers. Why did she take so little fat from lipo. Now I know I'm not just that lean! lol

Good luck with your PS appointment BB. I understand how being in a funk colors one's feelings on everything (and mood). I am not pleasant when feeling down, but vice versa on a good day. And it is true that neither WLS nor PS really fixes everything unfortunately. We just have to do the best we can with what results.

Today we have support group and I may start identifying clothing to pack initially for DH. Two weeks until the move comes. I am half looking forward to it and half dreading it.

I have been thinking about what the counselor said about planning for my own future. I want to ask DS about Thanksgiving, and if he is okay with me not being here will book my first trip to Florida. I've also been thinking about maybe doing a few days away in mid-October because I haven't been able to do that for a long time and it would be something to look forward to. Other initiatives are planning to ease into yoga by going the next two Fridays (I wanted to go this last Friday but had to deal with the car instead). I've also been trying to read more news so I can start to have something to talk about other than care-taking. This morning I tried to gain a bit more understanding about the reasons behind Brexit. Any recommended "unbiased" online news sources that you guys recommend?

Have a mostly good Monday!

Wow those 2 weeks are going to fly by fast. But hasn't this whole year?

So I guess DH is staying in MA full time? I suppose it's ill advised for him to ever go on trips with you because it would disrupt his schedule?

I absolutely believe in scheduling something to look forward to, and most definitely in your situation. And unfortunately it may not be all "fun" at first. But it will be a first and a necessary step and that's worth celebrating.

Do you think it would make you feel better to break with tradition for the holidays and start a new one altogether? Or do same-but-different?

I'll be honest: you're way braver than I. I have trouble with change. I have no doubt you'll handle it far better than I would. But since I'm so far down the spectrum I'm trying to think what might help me. I think I would like to do something for Thanksgiving that I'd never done because I was home with family. Like maybe go to the Macy's parade! Or see if some old estate (like the Biltmore?) had a fancy Thanksgiving going on.

Hugs. I know it's going to be hard. But keep being good to yourself.

Changes are hard for DH to handle now and traveling is essentially impossible, so yes he will stay in Mass and I will go back and forth from Florida over the winter. My son lives here full-time and DH has several siblings in the area so when I am not here they will still be seeing him.

Thanksgiving has never been a big deal for us and there isn't much tradition around it so as long as someone will spend time with him I would stay in Florida. But I plan to come back home for several weeks at Christmas which is a more important holiday time for us.

1. Within Range: 1.2 over
2. General Wellbeing: 9.5 on SS
3. 10,000+ Steps: no, traveling
4. Fitness:
5. Self-Care:
6. Fun: coming home !
7. I learned/relearned: My scale sense remains skewed.

I am up 2.2 pounds, 1.2 pounds over my range. I was SURE I had gained 8-10 pounds. I am so tuned in to how it feels to be getting too low, but eating carbs and sugar combined with less intentional activity make me feel so sludgy, I couldn't accurately assess my status. Have to work on that !

Have to catch up on some posts, do some laundry and hopefully I can mow. The dogs LOVE being back in their yard. More later.

Good morning!

Total side note, but I just went out to look at the regular forums and I'm shocked at how few posts there are (I get that I contributed by disappearing from there too after too much drama from the mean, cliquey "vets"). On the general forum, the fourth topic down was last posted to 2 days ago. All this to say, I'm glad we have an alternative lined up as I could see this all disappearing one day in the not distant future. And I'm glad to have found you all when I did!

BB, your thoughts on grieving what could have been if not for obesity hit home for me.

Liz, I like the idea of something totally different for Thanksgiving and Christmas for that matter.

Errands, working on my screen door project and phone calls on tap for today. I received a bunch of forwarded mail for someone else and none of mine, so I hope to get that sorted today if I can get through on the phone to my home post office. They never answer! And I hope the people who got my mail are kind enough to get it back to the PS so I can get it. Argh.

And I need a long walk somewhere. And no junk food. Good prescription for every day now that I think on it...

PS - DiamondD, I sent you a message with a link to my FB page. Do you see it?

I am feeling a bit cranky this morning. Okay, understatement. I am really a flipping crank monster, if the truth be known. LOL! Good luck kiddos! Just joking! I rarely let my mood interfere with teaching. It's not fair to the kids. You learn early on to leave life at the door.

I think it is a reflection of an exhausting weekend and the sudden change in weather. It is gray and gloomy and rainy. I suppose the nice thing is that it is a warm rain from the tropics. In CA there is very rarely such a thing as warm rain. So, that is a pleasant part of today's gloom. Poor Shirl, has to see CA drivers deal with the first rain of the season. You'd think we were snow bound how some people drive here during the first rains of autumn.

My weight is up a pound. Not a biggie - especially since I had only about 16 oz of water. The rest of the day was some coffee and 2 diet sodas. Not such a good day for liquids. That could also be part of my mood.

The nice thing about the weekend is that I made a new dog show friend. His name is Vito. He flew here to help my handler and dear friend for a couple of weeks. What a great guy! He and is wife are handlers out of Illinois. Fun to meet a contemporary who is like minded and fun to be around.

I am feeling stressed about my upcoming weekend. I have a dog that has to be groomed on Sunday and am beginning to resent it because I want to do something else that day before having dinner with Shirl and her husband. Oh, what to do. I am inclined to cancel the grooming, but I feel guilty about that. Sheesh....

Back to the dentist this afternoon for follow up visits for root canal finish work. I am completely pain free and have no discomfort whatsoever. I am very grateful for that. Nerve pain is weird. I do not like it one bit!

I do not have it in me today to think about eating well and weight loss. I will get myself into a big old funk, if I start in. My big, wonderful moment was fitting into my jeans this morning. I am grateful for that. I truly am.

I realize my brain is all over the place this morning. Interesting. Better stop rambling and get on with the day.

Bye, bye!

Greetings All.

Today is my birthday. I am 68 and weigh 159 pounds. Ten years ago I weighed 247 pounds. So yay for me. (note: is weight really the be all end all to a good life?)

Not much planned. Dinner at a nice new sort of secret restaurant. Secret because they have not advertised so know one knows its there, but its great.

BB gl with PS appointment. No doubt there will be some good feedback.

Liz, a good news app is Flipboard (supposedly Oprah's favorite). Also Huffington post. My DH reads this stuff all day long. Yep, new stuff for Thanksgiving is a good idea.

The cranky fairy must be going around. I was cranky yesterday because I had to work at gallery and didn't feel well. And then it RAINED a lot!. Its not supposed to rain here at this time of year. Weird. Fortunately the sun is out and I will do some studio time which I have not done for a couple of weeks. The past week has just been living from cold pill to cold pill.

A new health club is supposed to open in our town today. I may go by and see it. Supposed to have a pool and hot tub.

Peps glad you have a new dog show friend. Dog shows are such a great place to meet people. And with "the Goat" you have a rolling party.

Wishing everyone happiness and wellness. Diane S

Happy Birthday!

Have to share this with you since it's your b'day! This photo came to me yesterday. It was the birthday cake made for owner of one of last year's pups. He picked up his puppy, Teddy, on his birthday last year. Yup, he got an Airedale puppy for his birthday. Yesterday to celebrate the pup's Gotcha Day and Dave's birthday Dave's wife made this cake.

Happy Birthday to you, Diane
!