Monday, Labor Day, September 2, 2019

Weight: 140.2
Protein: 80
Carbs: 67
Veggies/Fruits: 7
Water: 24 ounces
Sleep: 7 hours
Exercise: Walked outside (30"), home yoga (45")

I'm grateful for each of you this morning - your joys, losses, stresses, challenges, triumphs (small and large), strengths and courage, and of our common good fortune to have each other and this place to gather.

Some interesting things are going on over here. For one thing, this cleansing diet has pretty much KILLED my food cravings.

(Parenthetically, I'm avoiding sugar and processed foods. Specifically, I'm eating chicken, fish, eggs, Greek yogurt, a little olive oil, lots of colored, non-starchy veggies (including coffee), and a couple of fruits. My daily calories right now are averaging around 1,000. In a few weeks I'll add back whole grains, e.g., quinoa, brown rice. Although I'm not making my 8 glasses of water/day goal, I do usually manage to drink 5-6 glasses.)

Anyway, my point was that not eating sugar and other processed carbs for a couple of weeks has killed my nighttime cravings. They just don't happen. I don't have to fight them because I don't even think of them.

Oh, and my sleeve has become VERY strong. For the first time in several years, I'm not finishing everything on my plate because I'm just full. Part of that could be due to my eating more mindfully at the table, not in my easy chair, and noticing sooner how full I'm getting. However, I do believe my sleeve's renewed strength is also due to my not pushing its capacity limits.

Soon, if not already, Shirl will be on a long flight across the Pacific, DianeS will soon be on a plane heading to her sweet brother's funeral, DianeO will be glamping for two weeks, Liz is taking care of her husband and getting ready to take care of herself, Dave is making friends with his new knee, BonnieB is navigating Life with a capital L, the teachers are NOT teaching today thanks to Labor Day, Cecily and I are NOT working because we don't, Paula is in love, and Michelle is on vacation!

Today, I invite peace.

Labor Day musical theme (hey, it's a rousing tune): "The Internationale!"

I need to take the pledge you have with your eating and stop the ridiculous carb craving and snacking. I might think I feel good when I do it, but I hate myself at the end of the night and the next morning because I feel fat, out of control, and I suspect it is contributing to my arthritis flare-up.

We are watching Dorian closely here as DSD was supposed to return to Jacksonville tomorrow. She comes back from Martha's Vineyard today to our house but already send a text which seems to indicate that the airlines are cancelling flights. It will be nice having her here longer and I may arrange a tour of DH's new accommodations if she does stay an extra day or so.

Have a relaxing Labor Day (is that an oxymoron)?

Liz, you're spot-on with the observation that sugar/over-processed and starchy other carbs dramatically increase inflammation. And that means sore joints, for sure.

I know you'll be so glad to get through this transition with your husband's care. After that you can get your own self care back on an even keel.

143.2. Day 8

I'm not quite as far along as you, Ann, as the carbs still call. But, at least they are no longer howling and screaming, and in that quiet, I am now able to reason with my will.

I understand so well the frustration Liz speaks of- late night succumbing to feel better only to feel worse- walking around a short track I do not want to be on.

The detox period is the ***** of it- truly a white knuckle experience. When I am participating in the eating carbs I consistently make poor choices- like an alcoholic while in the addiction has little control over rational behaviors. I continue to do what I do not want to do--there in lies the guilt and feelings of powerlessness. The detox period is the ***** of it- a truly difficult but NECESSARY experience (I think other terms used--JFDI, Fake it till you make it, White knuckling it).

This period of time is not sustainable over the long run but knowing-trusting that it will pass and then after that my WILL will line up with my BEHAVIOR and I will have peace with my food.

I am on day 8 and feeling better and looking forward (turned the corner) to agreement in- what I wish-what I will-and what I do.

Yes, Bonnie150 ... my experience, too. And ditto re your experience with the carb detox timeline.

BTW, I had an epiphany this morning during meditation -- something I often do, and then immediately forget it -- but this one was a biggie. Five, six years ago when I started meditating, I thought, "Clearly, I suck at this. But I'll get better at it. And then I'll be better."

But you know, years later I still sorta suck at meditating.

Anyway, that wasn't actually my point. My point was to share the epiphany I had, which goes like this: "I really am not sitting here to get better at meditating. I'm sitting here to meditate. That's actually the only point of meditating. Some days meditation feels better, easier than others. Other days it's tough. However, looking back, I do believe that my life is better overall because I've continued to meditate. So I'll keep meditating."

Or something like that.

And following from that, the epiphany continues: Maybe maintaining my weight isn't going to get easier. Maybe it's always going to be this hard. Maybe this is how it's always going to be. Therefore, it might be really smart of me to jettison the old belief that if I work hard enough that maintenance will EVER become EASY and, instead, consider that just keeping on working at it is the point.

For some reason, neither epiphany upsets me. It actually is sort of a relief to consider that "failing" over and over is just what normal looks like.

And like weight maintenance is a form of yoga? Gee.

I thought I had posted the past couple of days but must have gone to sleep at the keyboard.

Today, I am thankful for showers. Ho****er and dial soap. A clean scraped face with a new blade in the razor. Exhaustion of clean. Back to bed.

Ann, gaining control through veggies. I have not been able to eat as much but when I eat cucumbers I really do not want to graze.

Ceci, I totally relate to your anxiety. Glad you could push through but would have understood if you did not go. My parents moved locations every couple of years. Anxiety. Lots of being on display. Anxiety. I always felt out of place. Anxiety.

Diane O, I am so glad you got some good time with your mom. I have gotten to know my mom as an adult since my dad passed in 2012. Treasure not only the time but that you got peace and happiness from it. Not all are so lucky. That sounded negative but I meant for it to be positive.

DianeS, I will be thinking of you and your loss of a brother. He sounds like a wonderful human.

Liz, I hate when the kids eat leftovers that I was craving. 35 yrs ago DS would regularly go to the fridge for breakfast and ask "who ate my pizza"? I would just laugh and go on.

Devon, I wish I could have had just a thimble full of your childhood courage. I would shrink, back down, avoid or try to make everyone laugh. I am still hard on my inner child. Great story.

BB, Hug those babies.

DD, I read Robert Frost, nature's first green is gold. The site that I found it on Here I lost myself in poetry for hours. Thanks for the distraction.

Miss150, Fall is also my favorite time of the year. Best wishes starting a new school year. Glad you enjoyed the coffee.

peace, david

Having re-retired this year, I am enjoying the beginning of the new school year IMMENSELY!!!!! Bahhahaaaa Thank you very much.

Greetings on this last holiday of summer!

Yesterday included a hike with my dad and his wife. It was his suggestion for family time and I felt so surprised and happy that he wanted to do something I enjoy as it's rare - our hobbies do not overlap. But he stayed up way too late the night before watching west coast football games and was pretty grouchy most of the day, silently complaining about my driving (body language, not participating in conversation, arms crossed, heavy sighs) then not engaging during hike and dragging behind when I know he can and has gone much farther in recent days on walks. It was so disappointing and I cut the hike short just to end it. All I could think was this would have been nicer by myself and don't do me any favors in the future!

Tonight we are having neighbors over for bbq'd ribs and smoked beans I do on my smoker.

On an amazing product note: I always have sore feet. So I bought this foot massager on amazon and I swear I may never take my feet out of it. Foot massager

Dads~mine, was a man of adventure, example, he took a semester off of college to go to Greenland, live in a tent to work as a laborer building Tuilly Air force Base because the pay was really good. Now he gets upset when he does something like go out to breakfast because the oatmeal is probably quick oats and the peanut butter is not the natural, no sugar kind. You Dad soundings he would fit in well in Minnesota, the passive aggressive behavior is strong in this one.

I bought that foot massager for DH for Christmas. He's on his feet all day, and says it helps a lot. Good find.

Hmmm ... that's two votes for that foot massager. Hmmmmm ....