09/01/19, Sunday

1. Within Range: yes
2. General Wellbeing: 9 on SS
3. 10,000+ Steps: 5739
4. Fitness: walking
5. Self-Care:
6. Fun: organizing my mother
7. I learned/relearned: We all had some pretty kick ass little children !

I drove two hours each way to spend the day with my 90 year old mother, who is simply slowing down and is "ready for God to take me". My father died of cancer almost 13 years ago, and we were very much alike (and often butted heads) , with an obsessive need for organization being a shared trait. As he was transitioning to Hospice care, asked that I come to SC to help him streamline his files so that my mother could find/use a system after he passed. Mom and I have tweaked her system over the years, but she asked that I come and help her review/organize everything "so that it won't be overwhelming for you kids (64,62,59,58) when I go". She now feels at peace, so I am happy.

Tuesday morning, we leave for Old Orchard Beach Maine for two weeks in SS the RV, with the dogs. Hopefully Dorian will steer clear. A little Indian summer would be nice !

Lots of sharing from the gut here in the last few days. Have to reread and make notes before I respond. Honesty brings clarity. Many of our tribe are excellent, inspirational writers !

I'm hoping for Indian summer in New England this month too. Otherwise the month is going to drag as I really can't entertain DH much anymore without some nice outside activities thrown in. Dorian projections sure are morphing. DSD is here for the weekend from Jacksonville and for a while it looked like she might be stuck here past Tuesday. It's not looking that way right now anyway.

Yesterday I guilted BIL into watching DH so I could go out to dinner with friends (DSD is on Martha's Vineyard with other family until tomorrow morning). I don't feel guilty myself about that since he had just cancelled the day's activity with DH for about the fifth time. Though BIL did come through while I was in Aruba, he has only spent 1.5 days with his brother all summer. He always touted himself as a great caretaker for his mother but it turns out that was mostly show so he would look important. Having to handle DH without a full time PCA available apparently doesn't work well for him. I predict that he will charm all the PCAs in DH's future home and will be taking credit for being a great caretaker there as well. Sigh...

Today we will probably walk with Justice somewhere near the water and are going to a cookout this afternoon. Good thing, as DS ate my leftovers from last night which I knew from experience would have worked as two nights meals for DH and me. He says he will get us meals later in the week when I planned to use the leftovers.

Have a sunny Sunday!

After making it through the party, I have spent the time since picking over my words and actions - what I wish I'd said or not said, done or not done. From experience I know this is just the anxiety talking and this post-event self-criticism loop I can't seem to turn off is as much a reason I don't like parties as the parties themselves.

We got some very sad news last night that a good friend up here who had some rough health problems this year died from a heart attack. He was only 66. Perhaps literally the nicest, kindest man I've ever had the pleasure to meet. It seems to reinforce the notion that the really good people including Shel die far too soon and the mean ones live forever to torture us.

Today my dad and his wife want to go hiking with me. I think the heart attack was a reminder of the need to be active (though they are in other ways) and a reminder to spend time as a family, because no one is promised tomorrow. So I'm taking them out. So far it's a pretty day for it!

I too am hoping for an Indian summer here. The trees are already starting to turn and fall is definitely in the air.

Sometimes I think God leaves the ornery ones down here because they need that extra time to get their **** together. Besides, God gets to choose who comes to the party and when. I choose to believe that Shel and your lovely friend are happily returned to the awesome and creative mind of God.

Weight: 139.6
Protein: 71
Carbs: 64
Veggies/Fruits: 7
Water: 40 ounces
Sleep: 7.5 hours
Exercise: Walked my fence lines and roads (35?), home yoga practice (45?)

Ah, Indian summer! Here, the mornings are already cooler, the afternoons dryer. It's growing quieter here in my hills, just like in the High Sierras and the Himalayas and everywhere autumn happens. Nature is shutting down, putting her workers on half shifts, changing out closets, and dressing the world in darker colors. On the tallest, oldest oaks, a few leaves have browned and drifted down. The orchestra of insects and tree frogs has begun its final movement, winding toward a long pianissimo.

Things I'm proud of: Cooking well, keeping a clean kitchen, my home yoga practice, walking in the sunshine, writing, hydrating

Things I'm grateful for: Family, friends, home, health, this group, good food and wine, good literature, Indian summer

Today, I invite peace.

Today's musical theme: Some nice yoga practice background music

Ann, I see you had a much much longer (and I hope beneficially restful) sleep. That's what comes from a peaceful mind. Thanks for the Nature narrative- well written; you've painted a lovely picture for me.

Even if the temps warm up (it's low 70s here this week, but hot weather will return a few more times), it is undeniably fall. I love the poem by Robert Frost, nature's first green is gold. And it's true, as the leaves unfurl in the spring, everything is a yellow green, especially willow trees. Now the green leaves have taken on a dark, Dusty hue, the last green shade before they turn gold, red, brown. My flowers are beginning to struggle as the angle of the sun is changing, and parts of the yard that got morning light in the summer stay shaded. And of course, the sun is rising later and setting sooner. Yes, summer temperatures will visit again, but it is fall's turn to set the agenda.

Yesterday DH and I went to see Where'd You Go Bernadette? and we stood in line behind Senator Amy Koblachar. We were the only 4 in the line and in the lobby. Her father was a long time columnist in the Minneapolis paper when we were kids up until our college years. My husband is a huge fan of his writing, so instead of approaching her about politics, he asked her about her Dad. She whipped out her phone and showed him a picture. It was a nice human exchange, even though it must be hard to always have people approaching you. Senator Koblachar has very high approval ratings in Minnesota, around 70%, but we all pretty much know it isn't going to play that way on the national stage.

The movie was not what I expected, and turned out to have a very predictable plot, with a family twist on a standard Rom com ending. After the movie, we were stunned to hear of yet another mass shooting. Stunned surprise, followed by feelings of resignation and maybe even some numbness. What a weary, heartbreaking situation we all find ourselves in. Like Cecily's friends untimely death also teaches us, hold close to those you love. Sometimes the universe feels arbitrary.

This morning I made myself Irish porridge, really just steel cut oats simmered in milk and water for a loooong time. Delicious. I slept almost 12 hours and was shocked when I saw the time when I woke up. It felt incredible, I didn't realize I was that tired.

Still haven't read the paper yet. That, and making my family a margarita pizza with fresh tomatoes from a friend's garden are my only firm agenda items.

Find some peace this Sunday in however big or small increments you can muster.

DD, you have created a really lovely life! Or at least you make it sound that way. Which is pretty much the same thing, I think.

Thank you! My life growing up had some wonderful moments, and I love my parents, but it also included verbal and some physical abuse. And when I wasn't being told I was a selfish brat, there was emotional neglect. I share this to explain the wonder and joy that permeates my being to have created the life I have, some of it with intention, some with luck, all of it with gratitude.

All this waxing poetic Autumn observations. Love it...Fall's da bomb!!! Thanks for the picture. Can't get enough of this season. It is the one season that I occasionally experience olfactory recall that transports me to specific times and locations in the past. Almost a surreal experience. Certainly a spiritual one.