Saturday, August 31, 2019

Weight: 138.8
Protein: 86
Carbs: 88
Veggies/Fruits: 6
Water: 40 ounces
Sleep: 8.5 hours (much better!)
Exercise: Mowing (1 hour), Yoga@home (35")

Well, well, well ....

It seems that, after never-ending reflection, what I really crave is peace.

What does that mean? Peace could be some form of bliss or nirvana. Or numbness. Or the absence of a specific anxiety, fear, grief, shame, frustration, anger, etc. Or the appreciation and acceptance that, due to both my efforts and forces beyond my control, life will keep serving up failure and sorrow, as well as success and happiness. Or the understanding that the privileges and baggage I arrived here with and those gifted to me without my notice or permission don't make me part of the bottom decile of humanity. All of that simply makes me a normal human being who's no weirder or a bigger mess than any other human being.

For instance, I read this week that three-fourths of American women have some version(s) of disordered eating. Yet I have arrived at this ripe old age still misbelieving that my nearly lifelong obsessions and behaviors regarding food, eating, and body weight have destined me for the lower ranks of social pecking orders.

The truth is that I already won the lottery. I was born in a developed country to two parents who loved, fed, and clothed me as best they could and endowed me with more smarts than the average human at a time when women were gaining economic and social parity with men. I had good teachers, loved learning, found interesting work, was financially rewarded, have thus far not been diagnosed with significant diseases, and loved deeply and was deeply loved.

Therefore, I've decided I will try to live in this place of peace I've stumbled onto. I will continue to cook and eat and exercise and hydrate and meditate and sleep in ways that support my health and weight goals. My plan allows that I will sometimes do better than others and that I'll forever have to reevaluate, begin anew, and entertain myself with all kinds of changes. At times I expect to show up feeling quite unpeaceful for days, weeks, maybe even months at a time. But from now on I will invite myself each morning to seek some measure of peace in whatever cir****tances I find myself, no matter what I ate yesterday or what the scales just said.

Because I'm a normal human being.

Today's musical theme (thought of a little bit differently): "Give Peace a Chance"

Beat me to the punch! Copying and pasting and deleting my Saturday post...

I accidentally typed "2919" and then thought, if humanity is even still around then and hadn't burnt to a crisp, can you imagine how antiquated this forum would feel? Like quill and ink written by candlelight. Likely they would have solved obesity long ago. Sorry, weird brain tangent!

Yesterday I did my favorite MI hike to date. It was a 7.2 miler along the lake coastline. The whole way the path was lined in moss and blueberry bushes so pretty and challenging! My feet hurt per usual.

Then we went out to dinner and I stuffed myself with unhealthy fried fish. I didn't even like it that much! Sigh. Win some, lose some (gain some weight).

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

Shirl, big congratulations to your DH on his new degree!! I think degrees earned as adults while balancing family and full time jobs mean so much more than those earned while under our parents' protection!

Ann, your so very well worded thoughts took me here (looking for a snippet- but the whole poem is so worthy of posting in support of that place of which you speak). I was introduced to this poem in 1972. True then, truth today.

Devon, is this your dog world?

Max Ehrmann

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,

they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Wow! Thank you, Bonnie. It's incredibly relevant to me right now.

The poem is yet another beautiful bit of writing I didn't know about. So much wondrous stuff out there to discover.

BTW, I also knew nothing of the author, Max Ehrmann. Here's his Wikipedia c.v. I see that at age 40 he left his law practice and other family businesses (meatpacking and overalls manufacturing--I love those details!) to focus on writing. And good for him for all of it--the law, meatpacking, overalls, and writing. :)

My uncle was a graphic artist. One of his specialties was calligraphy. He did a beautiful calligraphy of Desiderata for my grandparents and the poem hung framed next to the piano in the living room. I have read it many times, but only as a child and never after my beloved Granny died when I was 14. As a child I could read it just fine, but my comprehension was childlike. Desiderata is a beautiful and insightful poem. It holds such meaning and is so applicable to my life today. The second stanza illustrates one of my demons:

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Thank you so much for posting such delicious and though provoking words this morning.

I will read again soon.

Good morning fellow children of the Universe. It's been a few challenging days, mixed with gratitude and celebration.

As I was wrapping up the last paid workshop day, I was thinking, this is going pretty well. Too soon, from 1pm to 3pm I had a parade of parents through my classroom with urgent needs for their children and fires to put out. There is no use gnawing on the thought, you've had weeks to deal with this... I put that bone down and moved to problem solving mode, and then stayed late to finish the work I thought I was going to get done in the afternoon. Was pretty tired when I got home, so DH and I celebrated our anniversary with dinner at a local Italian restaurant and then early to bed.

I'm glad I put in the extra hours Thursday, because Friday was not a scheduled/contract day. DH was also off, do we continued our celebrating by going to the Minnesota State Fair. It was a perfect late summer day, low humidity, sunny, highs in the 70s. We were joined at what is referred to here as The Great Minnesota Get Together, by over a 100,000 of our close friends. It was crowded, but somehow we managed to get up to the kiosks to buy fair junk food. We also listened to some great musical performances and really enjoyed just being outdoors all day.

Fun story, we took a metro transit bus from a park and ride. Suddenly mutual recognition, an employee dispatching the busses was my husband's childhood/high school best friend, and best man at our wedding!! We had lost touch to a degree (I will say when he and his wife divorced, and he remarried, his 2nd wife didn't make it easy for him to stay in touch. She is now an ex also) and hadn't seen him for some time. We skipped boarding a few busses to catch up, and hopefully will follow through on plans to get together now that he's back in the area. Was really the highlight of the day. As we were riding to the fair, he must have talked to the driver, because he gave a shout out to the couple celebrating their 32nd anniversary. :)

DH has to work all weekend. Today I am going shopping for awhile to refresh my fall wardrobe a bit. I feel like I never have enough transitional clothes for this time of year. Tomorrow will focus on menu planning and grocery gathering. Monday will be some supplies for school, I need gel pens! And getting my head in the right place.

What a great day, DD!

And now I wanta go to the Minnesota State Fair!!!

What a thing, though, re-meeting your husband's best man. What are the odds?!

Ann, I just love your posts. Recent focus on thankfulness has me in a thankful frame of mind. I am so thankful for knees. I am sure some day soon I will be thankful for knee replacements.

Decreased mobility due to obesity, surgery and pain are great motivators for focusing more on weight loss during this healing process. I do need to up my protein anyway for healing.

Both granddaughters are here today. Of course the one that lives off will not have anything to do with me. Boo. She will not even for screen time. Maybe by tomorrow.

peace, david

"I am so thankful for knees. I am sure some day soon I will be thankful for knee replacements."

Now, that's funny. LOL!