8-30-19 Friday

Weight: 170.2

I've been skimming the posts.

Liz-I've been enjoying your anniversary pictures. I'm sorry you were in a funk. That must be so hard.

Some really interesting discussions about food in here. Who posted the French women article? Interesting that they don't drink that much wine. Actually, that kind of ruins it for me. I want to buy in to the fantasy that the French have somehow unlocked the key to health and that involves lots of butter, heavy cream, croissants and wine!! But there is one thing that sticks out to me about the French: they seem to really enjoy their food. I think that we as Americans, especially dieting Americans, have been taught somehow that it's a higher calling to deny ourselves any pleasure of food. You hear the mantra "food is fuel" uttered over and over. Maybe that works for some? But that totally doesn't work for me. I love love love food. And the less I love/enjoy it, the more I abuse it. Was it also Ann who just commented that when she takes more time for dinner she has fewer night time cravings? Certainly for me it's true that I can just as easily spend the calories in a drive-thru line...and be last satisfied both mentally and physically. I also think if you look historically, it's interesting that obesity has climbed with the invention of convenience food.

Also what a big statement about not focusing enough on the positive from Peps. Totally agree, yet somehow it feels good to critique myself in a negative way. Like I'm on the right "team" by pointing out my own shortcomings. Like who could defend what I've done. Clearly, I need to work on that!! Because I do kind of believe in the laws of attraction. I know that the more I think about foods I cannot eat, the more I seem to pine for them!! What if instead I thought "mmmm I've been doing so well consuming my fruits and veggies" or "what a nice little walk that was."

I am very happy, though, that I am about to break the 170s. I'm feeling more like "myself." Clothes are definitely still tight (my highest non-pregnancy weight prior to this was 167 and too much!) but salvageable. I'm feeling like I can do this again. Just about 5lbs. to get to Charlotte prepreg weight.

And I've been eating a lot. FOOD PORN WARNING.

A week ago my sister and I had the opportunity to dine at nonesuch. It was a 10 course tasting menu with wine pairings. Here it is in okc yet it was rated best new restaurant by Bon Appetit in 2017 or 2018! Everyone else had said it left them hungry but we left quite full! Perfect for us. It was such a cool experience.

And then the next day we took our friends who watched Charlotte while we were on vacation out to a steak dinner. Man, it was a yummy weekend.

But I woke up on MOnday like 4lbs. heavier. Thankfully it fell back off.

So we were to be flying into Miami today and then on to Orlando on Tuesday. We canceled yesterday. Will Dorian end up to be nothing more than a news story? Maybe. But two littles is tough enough to travel with. Last thing we need is a hurricane, evacuation, no electricity, etc. Actually, Monday Night we had a tornado here. Luckily it was tracking to the west of us, but only a couple miles away and sirens were blaring. I was scared because parents were teaching at university near where it was (and then having to drive home). Eeek scary stuff but when all was said and done there was "only" an F1 and most of the damage was flash flooding and winds. Except of course Becca had trouble sleeping all night. Tired momma.

I go back and forth daily about whether I'm damaging Becca by sending her to daycare or by keeping her home! She has one month left and I really can tell that she's more advanced than children who haven't been. But exactly how "advanced" does a 17 month old need to be? And the past two days she's come home with bites from other children. Angry momma!

So instead this weekend we will be hosting my in-laws. At least that should be easier.

And surgery is a week and a half away. Of course now that I've paid I worry if it's the right thing. I'm feeling pretty confident about the explant. I've never liked them and now that the health risks have been highlighted, it just really doesn't seem justifiable to me. But I'm more worried about the lipectomy and liposuction of flanks. It's always been the part that bothered me about my tummy tuck. From the side my stomach looks nice and flat. But straight-on you'd notice love handles that don't go away!!! I'm hopeful that this last procedure will give me a nice svelte look from all angles. But she's now saying it's as difficult a recovery as the original tummy tuck!! And I also worry what if the scar is more jagged or higher than the original scar (which has faded so nicely in nearly 6 years!!). Or what if I have all the complications like Cecily?! Or what if I just chase the problem around to my back.

Weight: 140.2
Protein: 119
Carbs: 45
Veggies/Fruits: 7
Water: 40 ounces
Sleep: 4.5 hours (really need to turn this around)
Exercise: 6,700 steps, mowing (1 hour), Yoga@home (30")

Bonnie, your paean to Food, Glorious Food! rings true for me, too. I am definitely not in the "Food is Fuel" camp. Never was, never will be, at least not permanently. Thanks for the feedback about your own response to crap food = food cravings, delicious food = no food cravings.

And congrats on the nonesuch evening out and congrats on having such a wonderful resto in your town. I love high-end tasting menus like that. And wine, of course. :)

Doing fine, but not much news worth reporting. Just the usual--grocery shopping, cooking, eating, exercising, mowing, weeding, reading, writing, errands, etc. Sounds so leisurely, but it's not!

Actually, these days I'm treasuring (and wanting more of) a schedule that's full of "nothing important." I don't feel lazy at all, but like my biorhythms are off a little. I'm also in one of those "Now that I'm retired I am amazed I ever had time to work!" moods. :)

Actually, to some degree my physical malaise could be my body's response to toxins it's shedding amidst this cleansing diet. More water!

Here's to the best Labor Day weekend we can create, however we define "best" right now. :)

Today's theme: "Get Up, Stand Up, for Your Rights, Don't Give Up the Fight!"

P.S. Dave, I'm thinking of you and sending hugs.

Thanks for the hugs. I am improving. I have always jokingly told DW I could have a little more boredom I'm my life. She has kept life lively.

BB, I think you are making great decisions all around for your family and yourself. Not too cautious but just enough. I wish I was back at your time of life!

The wedding pictures bring up great memories (one below for those not on FB). DH was 28 and I was 26. Such babies really. My weight at that time was my lowest as an adult until the first couple of years after I hit goal post-VSG. Hopefully I can get back close to that once I restart retirement. I am definitely looking forward to being more active and especially to going back to yoga.

DSD arrives late this morning (she flew into Boston from Jacksonville). She is supposed to return Tuesday but Dorian may delay her based on current projections. I showered and shaved DH this morning so we can visit the Portland OR family in HyannisPort tonight prior to their return home this weekend. All these occasions and visits seem so bittersweet as DH drifts away.

Today I am excited about doing many, many loads of laundry in my new washer and dryer. Installation this morning and gas hookup this afternoon. Yeah!

Have a full Friday!

Liz, you guys were truly gorgeous babies!

And y'know, there could be a lot worse "anniversary presents" than a new washer and dryer (no matter how or from whom you received them).

xoxoxo

LOL! I hadn?t thought of the washer/dryer that way, but it really is a gift at this point!

New Toys, no matter what they are, just have to be played with. Heck, these days a new tooth brush makes me go giddy with joy and anticipation.

Enjoy!

True happiness in a picture. 2 smiles and bright eyes.

Weird dream last night. I was trying to make a cup of coffee at a friend's house. The friend is someone whom I haven't seen in roughly 4 years. Though I tried to keep our friendship going after his wife died, he seemed to want nothing more to do with the dog world and moved on to other adventures, so we have lost touch. Anyhow, as I am rummaging through the cupboards to find the coffee pods and his coffee maker he, who in the dream is ridiculously skinny, asks me if I am pregnant.

All I can think of is that I had a big belly moment in the mirror yesterday before back to school night and the fact that I felt fat in the first shirt I put on yesterday and my take the offense reaction to my upcoming meeting with Shirl. I felt I should tell someone.

I have had receding gum issues for about 15 years - maybe longer. I think it's because I used to smoke, but I know genetics and age play a role in oral health, as well. I developed a soft spot and some decay on the exposed roots of two adjacent molars. I had them filled yesterday before back to school night. LOL! Not the wisest move ever. Luckily, by the time I was presenting the numbness had mostly worn off and I no longer looked like I had facial palsy. The decay was more than the dentist anticipated and went above the gum line and closer to the nerve than showed on the X-ray. Needless to say, I'm sore today. Booooo.... I'm using prescription toothpaste now and a fluoride rinse daily to prevent any more of this type of root softness and decay. YUCK!

I am looking forward to the long holiday weekend. It's hard to believe I've been back at school for 3 weeks already. When I began teaching we didn't start school until the Tuesday AFTER Labor Day. Times have changed! I am continuing to focus on my positive behaviors and recognizing the amount of effort I put into living a healthy life each day. I am keeping in mind that I will never, ever do this perfectly, so I do not need to strive for perfection. I must only strive to do my best each day, and that best will change depending on my life cir****tances.

I am feeling complimented that my boss suggested I lead the staff in a workout of the week. She said I should lead the group in one of my regular workouts. She asked what a typical move might be. I told her. She stared at me and said, "Well, we can try to keep up... or maybe just lead us in something we CAN do." I laughed.

Liz, I'm glad you have been able to resurrect some wonderful anniversary memories this week. I have loved the pictures. I think my favorite was Elise passed out at the table! It was so sweet!

Diane O - love you back!

Ann, your commitment to a dining experience is a great reminder for the importance of being aware and present during a meal. All too often I return to eating mindlessly. Mindless eating is not a great thing for mind nor my waistline.

David - continue healing, my friend.

BB - so nice to "see" you today.

To everyone else - keep on keeping on.

Me

Peps- you have pushed my dream analysis button. I truly cannot help myself. A psych suggested one time that when looking for meaning in dreams to consider every character or object, setting, etc as representing you. Go with analogies. After all, a dream is just you talking-interacting with you.

Something like this:

Weird dream last night. I was trying to make a cup of coffee at a friend's house. I am trying to make, create a thing-have a task- at my house (house is you also- your dwelling- this is an internal thing- you talking to your soul?) The friend is someone whom I haven't seen in roughly 4 years. The you or a part of who you were approx. 4 years ago Though I tried to keep our friendship going after his wife died, His wife is also you- something in you that "died"-he seemed to want nothing more to do with the dog world You have rejected you (who lives in the dog world-maybe the place ...hmmmm? Here is where the psych would have you explore the meaning- dog world...) and moved on to other adventures, so we have lost touch. You who having lost a necessary piece of you cannot no longer participates in your existence (dog world-) And you have lost touch with a part of you Anyhow, as I am rummaging through the cupboards to find the coffee pods You searching for necessary tools in order to complete your task. and his coffee maker "He" is the you that owns the part that you need- the power resources are the you that has gone on to other adventures he, who in the dream is ridiculously skinny, Again, he is you 4years ago- think about it asks me You are asking you if I am pregnant. New life?

Well, anyways that is the general gist of it. Take it as a grain of salt. I am no psychologist nor, as they say, do I even play one on TV. DREAMS ROCK!