Thursday, 8/29/2018

Weight: 140.6
Protein: 92
Carbs: 68
Veggies/Fruits: 10
Water: 64 ounces
Sleep: 5 hours (not nearly enough)
Exercise: 6,900 steps, mowing (2 hours), Yoga@home (10")

Dave ... I'm thinking of you and your new knee. I bet by now they've already gotten you up and moving. Very best wishes for a perfect recovery. And Shirl, you'll be on that plane soon--so exciting!

Diane, I'm sorry to hear about your brother's health situation and the stress that will bring to everyone, including you.

Here, things are going much better. Those two lists I'm keeping--"Things I'm Proud of" and "Things I'm Thankful for"--continue to knock me out. Also, I'm feeling more grounded than I have for months, following Michelle's diagnosis and death.

Also knocking me out is my new passion for cooking and eating clean. Last night's dinner--seared ahi tuna and stovetop grilled veggies (sweet peppers, Vidalia onions, zucchini) and leftover oven-roasted Brussels sprouts--was incredible. I also have a new admiration for Walmart's individually wrapped fish filets (salmon, tuna, tilapia, etc.), "Marketside" branded organic meats, free-range brown eggs, and array of Asian cooking spices, oils, etc.

Another thing--I'm now taking so much care in planning and preparing dinners that I've begun using the good china and eating dinner at the table instead of in my easy chair, which is where I've taken my evening meal ever since my husband died. Evenings now feel more like a celebration than a to-do.

One more thing--in the short time I've been cooking real dinners, it seems ??? that my evening cravings are gone and/or when I do have a little frisson of refrigerator curiosity they're easier to resist. Again, I think my body's cravings for "something more" were actually demands for better nutrition. I'm going to keep watching this.

And I am also trying to figure out how to correct my shortening sleep cycles. It may actually be time for a new mattress.

Yesterday was a perfect mowing day, and I got two hours done. Another two hours will fini**** which I'll do today. This afternoon I have a hair appointment and tonight is book club.

Finally, yesterday's 1.5 hour massage was incredible! I still cannot fathom how I forgot about massages.

Today's musical theme is so old, yet so current! Accentuate the Positive

Happy anniversary yesterday Ann. I didn't post yesterday because I was in a funk all day. I haven't been sleeping well. Rain and gloom yesterday didn't help. Today the sun should be out again, which helps my mood.

The gas connection to the dryer will be turned off today and my new washer/dryer is supposed to arrive tomorrow morning. And not too soon: I have at least 5-6 loads to do even though I did some laundry at SILs last week. The original scheduled plumber called yesterday and said that he was going on vacation so wanted to disconnect yesterday and reconnect on Tuesday. Since I've already had the delivery

delayed by a week I told him that wasn't acceptable. It baffles me as to why he didn't say anything when the delivery was delayed over a week ago. Regardless I was able to get another plumber so I'm all set thank goodness.

DSD arrives from Jacksonville tomorrow for the weekend. I think she is just barely missing Dorian as she is here on Cape Cod until Tuesday.

I wish I was experiencing the same epiphanies others here are. I'm just trying to climb out of my own mental barrel. Planning for DH's move helps a bit - I've identified all his furniture and have it ready to go as well as decorations and pictures. I arranged for a cargo van to do the move on 9/30 with DS and a friend. SIL will stay with DH when needed. I want him there by late afternoon so we can have dinner that night. I've been making comments about when he moves to his new room and we have more people to help and someone else will cook. I'm not sure he understands, but at least I feel like I am forewarning him.

Hopefully the sun is coming out here later - it is very drippy now but not actively raining.

Have a thoughtful Thursday!

Yesterday the weather had me feeling like a shut in. The wind was positively howling and the clouds were dark and heavy all day. Funny how waking up to a clear sky after that can lighten one's mood. I did get my hair cut and colored, so that was a few hours of self care. I need to get back on the hiking trail today as the weather kept me indoors the last several days.

Does anyone here wear multifocal contacts? I'm thinking of looking into them when I get home. I'm just wondering if I would have an easier time adjusting to them than I did with progressive lenses. My ability to read without readers is nearly gone having deteriorated fast this summer.

Food late in the day continues to be a problem for me. The only carbs in my house are oatmeal now, but even that I have managed to overdo. The only upside is lots of fiber.

Shirl, I'm so sorry I won't be able to see you on your trip. It's especially painful given you will literally be in my California backyard for so many days while I'm 2300 miles away in Michigan. I do hope you have an amazing time!

Dave, I hope your recovery is smooth and as pain-free as possible.

Ann, your meals sound healthy and delicious! Good for you for making an occasion out of eating. Living alone, I eat sitting on the couch 99.9% of the time.

Liz, my hope is that you will begin to find happiness and balance in life once again when your DH is safely in care.

Peps, I love the tone in your posts these days!

The solution my optometrist came up with for me (and cut the cost of contacts in half) was to fit one eye for distance and go with nothing at all in the other. I am nearsighted, and while I had progressive bifocal glasses, often took them off when doing close work- reading for example. If you need the correction for reading, but your far sight is good, one contact might work. Optometrist said my brain would figure out which eye to use for which function needed, and he was right- go figure.

I tried the dual focused contacts - both kinds. The first time we did a contact in only one eye so I could read with one eye and use the other for distance. I got used to it, but could not drive at night with the contact in. The second time I tried a bifocal contact. YUCK!!!!!! Was simply awful. My brain just did not like the limited vision the contact forced on me.

I have decided that progressive lens glasses are the thing for me. Mine are actually blended trifocals. A mild correction for computer work, a +2.25 correction for closer reading, and no correction for distance. My distance is still 15/20. Go figure! Took me a bit to accept that it was my time for corrective lenses, but I'm fine with it now.

When I first had to do something, I tried one contact for distance and one for close-up and couldn't get past feeling nauseous. So I used the multi-focal contacts for a while (5-8 years?). They were okay (not perfect but worked). Eventually they just didn't give me enough correction for reading. At that point I had lasix surgery and one eye was optimized for distance and one was dimmed down a bit to allow reading. That was 10 years ago and it has worked fairly well. In low light or with small fonts I wear reading glasses, but I can squeak by sometimes without them. I am super happy I did it because I was extremely nearsighted from the age of 9 on so not having to wear contacts or glasses most of the time has been great. I found that as I got older and was struggling with focus, my eyes would get super dry and tired with contacts. I was prepared to go fully to glasses if I didn't have the surgery but it has worked out really well - I hated not having peripheral vision with glasses.

145.4

Day 4 of Carb detox after weeks of some serious bread and cracker debauchery.

The report is and is noted (nothing new-always the same conclusions): I can eat ALL of it- all day, once started-no stopping; there is no such thing as moderation, I only reactivate the cravings and prolong the misery and weight gain- AND- pack on pounds very quickly.

Once I start stringing days together, some of the weight comes off quickly ( 5 #s in 4 days ). Detox, however, yields diminishing returns and these next 6 #'s or so are going to be a *****

So why, why, why do I fall into that familiar and unhappyrabbit hole over and again? Part of it, I think, has to do with what Ann mentioned--the eating in an easy chair--that is a way of discounting the experience; of not paying attention and ignoring the food--well, it is like the moment does not count, and I do not have to take responsibility for what goes in. I look the other way and, "whoops! How did that happen?", after Ive eaten a whole sleeve of crackers smeared with PB. I don't OWN the act- therefore haven't really eaten and go off to eat more.

I cannot eat that way when I'm eating clean--carbs are easy-peasy which is a second issue with me -- eating lean proteins and veggies is work and takes me a long time- sometimes I give up out of shear boredom (not of the food- but of the time needed to consume it) before I am filled, will put the good plate away and get out the peanut butter and a spoon because it's easy...a slippery slope.

Preparing nice meals, setting the table, giving proper respect due to the enjoyment of the food experience....Ann, I truly think you have an important piece of the puzzle.

My visual mantra for the day: FOCUS and Directed Effort! (Which is not the same as obsessing)

Oh, Bonnie! Crackers! Bread! Peanut butter! Chocolate!

None of those things are in my house right now.

But boy, would I love to be able to be around those foods in abundance and NOT get triggered by them and pig out on them.

Maybe negative reinforcement would work? Maybe I could hire a mean, big, loud guy dressed up like a boot camp Army sergeant to scream at me when I try to sneak them into the house or take them out of the cupboard or refrigerator. That's the ticket! He could sit in my kitchen from 9pm to 5am. That'd be an easy eight-hour shift for somebody, eh?

Can loan you one of those Ann - mine is an ex army sgt :)

Ann- I can keep anything and everything in my house and stay out of them--until--(and this is MY trigger) the first bite. Just like alcohol: one drink is too many and all the whole is never enough. One bite....

Your Army sergeant is an idea (and this is kind of embarrassing to confess as it demonstrates what a sick, twisted relationship I have with food) but the sneaky aspect of obtaining, possessing and consuming in isolation is also a trigger (it was the vehicle of necessity when I was a child that has shadowed me to this day)- and having the food police around would just add a deeper layer (thrill seeking) to the mix. Bring on the chess match!

Yep, I'm just a sorry, twisted Fu(good thing God loves me whether I'm shattered or not).