Thursday, August 21, 2019

The last question from yesterday (Devon's) made me think: "Do naturally thin people ordinarily meal plan and prep?" Both DH and SIL are in that category. They definitely do for dinner but otherwise no. They eat essentially the same things for breakfast and lunch, in small amounts and seem satisfied (a healthy sandwich/half for SIL, no chips). And they DO NOT snack much at all. Maybe once or twice a week and only once during that day. They never seem to crave anything. So, I think it is the craving that sets many of us apart? That is definitely true for me. And like Devon I KNOW I need a treat in the evening but I am struggling for something that will meet my needs. For a long time sweetened yogurt or cottage cheese worked but now I am tired of them. I seem to need something chewy or crunchy and somewhat sweet. That is why I am thinking a protein bar might work. Luckily I don't love them so much that I have ever eaten more than one because I know that can be a slippery slope for some (though I can't buy salted caramel ones as they are in a class by themselves as far as I am concerned).

So today I am going to look for a chair that can be made into a bed for DH's room when he moves. It will please DS. I am also going to check out a second-hand shop one of the people in my support group suggested to look for an end table. She has a lamp for me. The only other furnishings I need to contemplate are what to put on his walls. I think I will put family pictures on one, then pick a couple of his favorite larger ones for the other two.

Have a thriving Thursday!

No pictures today ! Yesterday was my magnificent Tai massage and reflexology session. It was wonderful and reminded me that I really need to revisit the flexibility yoga brings. The "east/west" massage included stretching and manipulation that involved positions I could not initiate or hold. Liz, Devon got many of us thinking yesterday ! He activated all of the work I have done to heal little Diane and made me aware that I haven't consciously thought about her in a while. I am reminded that I need to check in on a more regular basis in order to be proactive, not reactive. The whole planning food topic got me thinking too. I often fear that complacency is my worst enemy. I'm thinking that resuming journaling will help me continue to integrate my thoughts and my practice. Taking my mental, emotional, and physical health for granted is not going to promote growth.

Five hour kayaking/paddle boarding today. I am going to channel Shel big time, as 95% of me wants to take the easy/safe/dry path and remain in kayak mode, rather than the stand up paddling option. I still have a difficult time pushing physical limits outside my comfort zone. Those old childhood tapes of being overweight, clumsy, uncoordinated, last picked for kickball.... still can hold me back.

I have to say, I got myself thinking, too! LOL! Liz brought up this morning something I was considering last night - cravings. I often wonder if I really am experiencing cravings or whether what I am feeling is a simple desire to put food in my mouth, which I believe is different from a craving. Sometimes during the afternoon and evening I simply want to eat SOMETHING. It often doesn't even matter what. I just want to eat. Many times I am not physically hungry, but feel an emptiness or a lack of true satiety both physically and emotionally. I have been able to trace the inception of this feeling back to my first years of teaching and the onset of true obesity. Until I began teaching I was never more than 25-30 pounds over weight. I have to sit with this information for a bit. I'm not sure what to do with this information, but I feel it is significant.

Little Peps (because I was not called Devon until I was 12 and in Jr. High, except by Mrs. Sandstrom, my third grade teacher) holds the gut wrenching memories of being made wrong. So much of my childhood was spent withholding my entirety from the world around me. I was struck by this the other day when I saw the picture the 5th grade teachers and I took together at the end of the day. I really liked, no loved, that picture of me. I felt so good about seeing that person in the photo. It reminded me of being me half a century ago before I really met the world and discovered I was different. I think I was lucky because even though I was knocked off balance by the realization of my differentness I still liked people, especially girls, and had a circle of friends. I was did well in school, so teachers seemed to like me well enough and I found I could help others with school work to make friends. Coping is good. It helped me function and get through childhood. Yet today, at 55, I have hesitancy about reconnecting with some of those childhood acquaintances simply because of who I am and the worry that I won't be accepted as I am. I have turned down invitations from childhood friends because of that worry.

My self choreographed workout yesterday was intense and met with my trainers approval. I warmed up on the Arc Trainer, did 4 sets on the Booty Builder (Booty Builder) at 50 pounds, 4 sets of leg presses at 145 pounds each leg, followed by sled pushes (270 pounds, plus the sled) alternated with a 1 minute Battle Rope bicep drill. That pretty much did me in, so I walked it off on the treadmill and went on home.

Today's goal is to log all my food, keep track of the feels, and to be aware. If I can do all three of those things, it'll be a winner of a day!

Good Morning All - Flying past quickly as I havent made it here the past couple of days. Things are going well, very busy with preparations to leave. Helped DSD and her partner move on Wed night so 2.5 hours driving to their place after work, pack and load then 1.5 hour drive, unload then hour drive home - into bed at midnight. And fell into bed. Happy they will now be living only an hour away from us. Wills are all sorted - I just need to get them witnessed then certified copies to all the required people.

Leaving for the farm tonight. Taking up 2 trailer loads of shedding material. My DS is coming up too so he can tow one of the trailers for us and help unload the heavier stuff with DH. We are only staying 24 hours so will be home late Saturday night but much to achieve in that time. Sunday is wash the puppies, their bedding, pressure wash the chook house and a million other things. I need to get a cake from Costco as we are going to DSD house to meet all the family for dinner to celebrate the September birthdays. Im cheating and just buying in pizza as I literally dont have time to cook a meal and take it over atm.

Next week is fully booked with appointments every night but its slowly coming together. We will be in central New South Wales for DH Graduation next weekend. I have organised the Service Board meeting with the engineers at 11am - I will shout them lunch after the meeting Friday and then drive to the airport for a 5pm flight. DH graduates Saturday morning then we will have Sunday morning to do a little exploring then home around 7pm Sunday evening. Its Fathers Day so we will then try and see both his kids on the way home if it works out.

Then its 2 days of work to process end of month invoicing and tie up all the last minute things. My boss isnt getting a temp staff member to cover my role this time. He is intending to do some (not all)of it himself. The mere thought of this gives me huge anxiety as I know I will come back to a massive mess - with half finished orders etc but trying not to think about this right now. It will make coming back to work dreadful..... and likely take me a couple of weeks working solidly to try and unravel all the half completed stuff and get a handle on everything. Focus on your trip Shirley!

Anyway love to you all, I had best go start my day. Will try and pop in over the weekend but in case I dont. Thinking of you all and miss you all. Will try and read the posts Ive missed over the course of the day

Shirley

Blew a $100 hose off of the truck yesterday. Glad they had it in stock. Fix so we could travel today.

Psych visit this morning and sleep dr in afternoon. Cardiac clearance yesterday. I'm spending way too much time in the dr office. Over 6 hrs on the road today. Did my mom s pill packs so she will have a couple of months after my surgery. Now back home.

Eating was not awful. Not great on travel days. Sleeve still works. Ate too fast again. Hoping this feeling doesn't last too long.

David

Greetings Lavender People

Its a lavender kind of day. 159 pounds and holding . That gives me a bmi of 28. Not so good but not terrible.

Yeah I have often wondered why I used to crave foods so much. I still do but no where near as bad as before vsg. I remember being a little kid and fantasizing about having unlimited m and m's. I was just born to eat.

I think some seemingly naturally thin people work really hard and it and others don't do anything in particular. I remember woman I worked with who would say things like "we are having beef for dinner tonight so I think I will order a veggie dish" and stuff like that. She had a family with young kids and was fairly into healthy habits. I can't think of a single person who was thin and ate fast food frequently. The book Diets Don't Work tells us to interview naturally thin people and learn their habits and imitate them. Years ago I did pretty well with a few simple rules: no french fries at lunch, eat some breakfast and no food after dinner except fruit or skim milk.

Liz, hope you get DH room furnished. I didn't think about that but makes sense. Family pictures sounds like a good idea.

Good on the workout Peps. Keep it up.

Pappa Murphy's pizza tonight. Thin crust chicken veggie. At least I didn't buy the cookie dough they sell.

Great pictures Diane O. You are indeed channeling Shel.

Tesla is out in the yard guarding a hole. What a fool of a gopher to venture into our yard.

Diane S