08/21/19, Wednesday

The first shot is from UBC campus when I visited my daughter for lunch. The second was my effort to channel Shel during my 8k walk. I'll keep trying ! It was quiet here yesterday... I miss hearing from everyone !

Beautiful! You best me by 4 minutes so I deleted my post to put here.

October 1 will come quickly. DS asked what day to take off that week to help with his Dad's move so he apparently is still on-board. I think we will move stuff on 9/30.

I started looking at mid-November to mid-December flights to and from Florida. The dog will cost more than me because I can't fly him as emotional support anymore.

I am feeling so fat! I really need to at least tone down the eating. I need to find something satisfying but low cal for the evenings. Maybe back to protein bars?

Have a wonderous Wednesday!

I've been a slug the last few days, so not much to report. Just wanted to pop in and say hi.

Carbs are still getting the better of me. I throw them out and find new ones in the cupboards to replace them (who ever thought oatmeal could work for cravings late at night?). Ugh. I hate feeling ruled by my cravings.

What do you have in your garden, you could raid ? ?

It's not that I don't have better, easily accessed options, it's that those aren't the ones I want! I even meal prepped snacks and lunches for the week, I just don't want those. My inner child is a real brat.

Your inner child is NOT a brat. She's needing comfort and veggies and well planned snacks are not comfort for her. Here's my idea: Your girl needs a treat, that's clear. Doesn't matter why right now. Just go with it. I would LOVE for you to try this method. Promise little Cecily that you will take care of her treat need each and every day until she doesn't need it anymore. Tell her you don't care how long it takes for her to not need a food treat. You understand that she does, and it's okay with you. You understand. That said and taken care of, plan a wonderful and routine treat for her every day.

Little Peps needed his treat after dinner a little while before bed. He often still does, thus the daily ice cream. What's important to adult me is by accepting my need for comfort from food really stopped the weight gain, the bingeing and more importantly has helped me be kind to myself and understand the need for taking care of myself on an emotional level.

Interestingly, since I have taken this approach, I have stopped gaining weight, really lessened the frequency of getting down on myself for my weight and size, and have gotten so much more comfortable in my skin at the moment. I am learning to appreciate my physical self for what it is right now rather than always striving for what I think it should be.

Honestly, this journey is so much more about learning to love ourselves. One of the theories as to why men have a much harder time maintaining a weight loss is the aspect of only treating the symptom, not the root cause. We have to acknowledge that our little inner children are rearing their heads for a real and valid reason. We have to assure them over and over that we will not forget to take care of them. It is a hard task to manage, but it will become second nature. The more we take care of our inner kids, the less they feel the need to have tantrums and be heard. They are contented being well taken care of.

Okay, off my box....

Much better advice than mine !

Not better, but different. I come from the perspective of significant regain after WLS category. There is a whole other level of "shame" that comes with that type of regain as compared to a regain from a "Normal", non surgical weight loss regain.

As hard as the regain has been for me on an emotional level, it's probably one of the best things that has happened to me on this crazy azz journey! That may sound odd, but I have learned so much more about myself by gaining weight after WLS than I did by having the surgery, losing the weight, and reaching goal.

Silver linings are real.

weight 263 again.

Training session was really good last night. New milestone hit last night: 65 pound dumb bell inclined presses. That may not seem like a lot, but given that the dumb bells are free weight, it was difficult to manage 65 pounds in each hand, leaning back, and pushing those weights up and out. Tonight's training session is cancelled, but I will go anyway, choreographing my own workout. Maybe I will do legs and abs. Ugh... my two least favorite things to work. Like most men, I prefer upper body and cardio work outs.

Ceci's posts today sparked a wonderful bit of self reflection for me. Thanks for that Ceci! I've had a bit of time to think more about my thoughts and really understand why it is so difficult for me to take care of myself on an emotional level at work. Much of my work life is well beyond my control. The lack of control can be very stressful for me. My go to coping method for stress for many years was smoking and daily ****tails. Since I no longer partake of either booze or nicotine, I have become more reliant on food. I am working on dealing with the stress in a non food way, but it takes time. Baby steps...

Planning, shopping and meal prep take time. A lot of time. I mean uuhhhh lllllooooottttt of time! LOL! Scheduling looks like it's going to be in my future. Do naturally thin people ordinarily meal plan and prep? I don't know. I would like to know, though. I think it used to be more common, but maybe I'm mistaken. Maybe it's because I didn't have a traditional family with kids that my meal planning is far more sporadic and hugely inconsistent. Maybe it's because I'm a busy, busy person. Interesting to think about.