08/1/19, Monday

And here I am ... showing up two days in a row. That's a good thing.

Yesterday I finished the "murder mystery in a MFA graduate program workshop" novel I had recommended. BTW, the title is "The Body Lies." It really IS a good book.

I'm delighted to have so much support on the topic of Gilbert, gag!

I spent most of the morning writing. Only 1,000 words survived. But that's 1,000 words more than I had when I woke up today. :)

I liked the Voltaire quote, and the real-life stories you all posted advising, "Do it anyway."

And Liz, I'm with you 100% where Alzheimer's treatments are concerned. We live amidst so much cultural conditioning that awards us the highest prizes for fighting and fighting and fighting.

A few months ago during my daily writing practice I wrote this:

In childhood I was guided by a temperament paired with advice that creates anxious over-achievers:

"Work hard." (Ignore your own self-care.)

"Be a winner." (Seek approval from others.)

"If a job is worth doing, it's worth doing well." (Don't focus on what's critical.)

But eventually, even I came to see that my worth was greater than others judged it and that some jobs aren't worth doing at all.

"Some jobs aren't worth doing at all." Yes, this a thousand times yes. There is a tyranny in the expectations of good girls do, good women do, good wives do, good mothers do, good daughters do, good employees do...And as you say, some of those "do" expectations aren't worth doing...

Hi all! I went in a hike today. 7 miles on the Manistee River Trail in the Manistee National Forest. So pretty! But good gosh am I glad I brought bug spray. The skeeters would have carried me away. Here are some pics. I made a collage of my mushroom pics from today - they were everywhere! I can tell I've lost a ton of my conditioning as I feel hobbled now. But I'm showered free of bug spray and headed for Mexican food. Yum. Though my weight is at a horrible all time high post WLS, so I will attempt to limit my indulgence.

Beautiful!! Did your blisters heal?

They did! Now just lingering plantar fasciitis in my left foot.

Just saw a CBS report on rip ride drownings in Lake Michigan ! This ex-lifeguard (mostly pools) never knew lakes had rip tides !

Giant lakes do! You can surf in the Great Lakes the waves can be so big. No regular tides, but a lot of people drown in rip tides here sadly.

Popping in quickly. Albeit late. Hectic morning getting things organised. I have second load of laundry on and clothes folded, breakfast is done and Im working. Have a huge to do list today before I collect my glasses after work and drive up to the farm. Working from my diary as too many things to remember atm. It will all come together - that I know and I will fall onto the plane no doubt.

Love to you all

S

Hello.

First paid day of the year today. I wrote a full paragraph about my current view on the subject of the plight of the American teacher. I decided however, to copy and paste it in a document, deleted it and relieved you all of a burdensome read! LOL! Oh, well... It is what it is.

Quick jaunt to the eastern seaboard was quite nice. Enjoyed seeing my aunt and visiting with dog friends and seeing dogs and looking for future sires for Ella and Dottie. My wonderful Mama Ella is 5 years old today! Time flies!

My weight is stable. I returned home at was 263 when I got on the scale Sunday morning. Forgot to weight today.

Shrink session today focused on work and self care. My goal for this school year is to commit to a daily work schedule and to find something joyful in each teaching day. I am also committed to focusing on maintaining and increasing my self care.

Delaware is currently holding great appeal for retirement. Go figure...

Liz - I understand your mood and thoughts. The complexity of your feelings sure makes a lot of sense to me.

Diane O. - Ron and my dogs do the same. It is distressing for the dogs to see the routine that means their alpha is leaving. Ron doesn't like it when I leave either. I've asked him why, and he can't come up with a definitive answer, but it piques his anxiety.

Ann - glad you are writing and revising and sharing. I loved the words you gave us today. Quite meaningful.

All - weight is a fluid part of living. There is no one perfect weight for anyone. There are many perfect weights for us during the many imperfect times of our lives. I have spent so many hours worrying about my weight, my appearance, and believed shortcomings. I know those minutes spent in worry and self loathing sacrificed adventures, feelings of peace, limited self acceptance and the positivity of self worth . Weight gain due to life cir****tances is not a failure. It's a reversible consequence of doing your best job to cope with the cir****tances of daily living. We have heard it again and again. Surgery reduced the size of our stomachs. It did not change our life long patterns of behavior that produced our obesity. Be kind. Be gentle. Be understanding. You deserve to treat yourself and well as you treat those you love. Take it from me at 80 pounds away from where I want to be, it's okay.

Love to all.