08/1/19, Monday

1. Within Range: yes
2. General Wellbeing: 9 on SS
3. 10,000+ Steps: 12663
4. Fitness: walking, mowing
5. Self-Care: meditation
6. Fun: looking at trucks with DC
7. I learned/relearned: If not now, when ?
8. Intentions: Seek balance & relax, rejuvenate, & recalibrate !!

My upcoming trip to Vancouver is the first time in two years DC and I have been apart. Now, as I move suitcases and pack for Thursday's departure, I have two dogs and a man who are nervous and edgy. I am looking forward to time to think, read, and DO WHATEVER I want, in addition to great adventures with my DD. I am feeling a big emptiness in the activities Shel and I were planning and was tempted to eliminate one, but if not now when spoke louder.

I have been keeping up with posts, but have not been so great about posting. I, too, need to make notes as I read posts, reminding me of salient points I want to respond to. I haven't been doing that. I love you all and am grateful for your significant presence in my life.

I too am not good about keeping track of posts when I read but don't respond right away. I did want to say that I am SO GLAD to see Ann back. I am certainly suffering from some depression as well which is unlike my somewhat optimistic , just-do-it personality. And I dislike Elizabeth Gilbert's writing too. Diane S, I need to get my act in gear on dropping some pounds but can't seem to find the incentive right now. I do have an air fryer and like it for fish and sweet potato fries for DH. I haven't gone too far afield with it but it is convenient and easy to clean.

I am finding it more and more mentally and somewhat physically tiring to handle DH's personal care, which puts me in a down mood. Though I do take him out I find that I am less and less comfortable with that because I tell myself it isn't worth the effort. I kind of laugh when I read sites that say one should get speech, occupational, or physical therapy for people with Alzheimer's. Why? To spend more money and delay the inevitable by a month or two? The Alzheimer's organization has a 6 week class I took last fall where they basically help you understand that there is no going back and usually only very short plateaus so it is best just to learn techniques to make it easier to cope. I was reading something the other day about keeping people in their last stages walking and moving as much as possible so they will live longer. Sorry, but why? This probably sounds heartless, but they are really gone at that point mentally. DH is barely there now.

But though I'd like to only have to be responsible for just myself, then I have fear about being alone all the time. I never expected that to happen. And in fact I have NEVER lived alone since I went from being a teenager in my mother's home to being a mother and wife.

Anyway, enough with my depressing drivel. The sun is out, the weather is going to be beautiful and DH and I have an activity this afternoon. So in a bit I'll get him up, shower him, feed him, etc.

Have a great Monday morning!

Weight: I think my scale is broken. It said 177 when it was about 172 or 171.5 right before vacation (10 days ago)

Feels good to get that off my chest.

I'm having good days and tough days. I feel like I'm caught up in my own head which makes me feel guilty--especially in light of shel's passing I feel the need to "not sweat the small stuff." And I still do, I guess I just cannot be better about it all overnight.

Surely my weight cannot really be that high. I'm going to chalk it up to some legit weight gain + travel + I just tried a barre class last Wednesday and my muscles are still terribly sore + we had our annual pool party this weekend and the alcohol can make me hold onto water.

Still, it seems a very far way from where I want to be.

Our getaway was nice, but it's a lot of work to get children to where they need to be with all their accessories. Which made it all the more intense when we got a text, while on the way to the airport at 5am, that we had a 2.5 hour flight delay. Which of course would cause us to miss our connection, and there were no other flights out with available seats. So we had to push back by a day. And eat the cost of hotel room, etc. Airlines make me very flustered.

I love entertaining. We do it a couple times a year (usually a pool party and a Halloween party). I had to let go of some things this year--there was no way I could cook all the food I wanted or totally clean the house, etc. One of my goals has been letting go of some of this perfectionism and just enjoying. Along the lines of if not now, when, because my house may never be just right for entertaining. Ours was Luau themed and we smoked 3 pork shoulders and grilled teriyaki chicken. We rented a margarita machine and had pina coladas and mango daquiris. It was fun. But I also found it very sad (alarming?) how dysfunctional some marriages are, magnified by the consumption of alcohol. And I suppose I shouldn't say any more on the subject because I cannot tell if this is me being judgmental and everyone just has different dynamics, or if it was reality. I guess all I can say is that I am very very thankful for my husband!!

Ok so back on the wagon. I hurt so much from the barre class I tried that I was falling onto toilets this week (we've all been there, right?). It was kind of *defeating*. I'm not sure if I'll go back or not. On the one hand, this experience shows me I need to workout all the more. ON the other hand, it's very hard bending down with TWO babies when you're that sore. Plus, I know to lose weight I need to reduce calories. barre is not going to burn enough calories to allow me to sit in recovery for days. Of course it would get better with time. But I'm wondering if this stage I need to just focus on my diet and increasing my steps. Maybe short little workout routine.

Lovely to log in this morning and see posts from the three of you.

Ocean Diane, I laughed ruefully when you posted that DC and the dogs were unsettled by your impending departure. Two years ago my bff and I took a road trip to San Francisco. DH, the most reasonable of men, became a little unhinged the first couple of days I was gone. Leading to another motto I came up with: There is always a price to pay, do it anyway. Please carry all of our good intentions with you when you follow through on the plans you had made with Shel.

Liz, that your current life weighs your spirit down is no surprise. All your care and problem solving and attention doesn't change the outcome. And yet you persevere.

Bonnie, welcome back, you are indeed brave to travel with babies. We started traveling with our kids early, daughter's first trip was at 6months, son's at 5 months. My parents took us with them to a convention in Orlando every year when the kids were young. People would ask me, why would you bring them to Disney so young, they'll never remember? Well, because I wanted to go on vacation! And where I went, they went. I'll always remember my Dad telling me when something wasn't going right traveling with my infant son, Would you be aggravated at home? Yes. Well, at least when you're aggravated today, it's here, in this nice weather :) He was right!

I'm 90% packed for Ireland. Always some anxiety that I've packed the right things. I've leaned towards warmer clothes, because the extended forecast is the mid sixties during the day, forties at night. I threw in a few summer tops in case there is a surprise warm up. All of it in a carry on and under the seat bag. House cleaning today. Leave tomorrow afternoon.

Quote: Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~ Voltaire

I totally agree with you, DD. Like why do anything with your kids until 5 years old? My typical response is: but I'll remember it. My in-laws live in Florida and we are very fortunate to know people who work at Disney and universal and can score us free tickets. When that's the case, why not? Becca had her first experience at "Hogwarts" at 9 weeks old! She wore her "Gryffindor" onesie and I captioned that photo saying "they're sorting them earlier and earlier these days." Plus, we have two lap children who fly for free! And I think under 2 (under 3?) get into Disney free anyway. Meltdowns can be scary but I'm trying to tackle those fears because usually it's no worse (and typically actually better) than I'd worried. I have some friends who are all about grocery delivery, etc. But sometimes I really like getting out of the house with them as a diversion. I guess my biggest concern is 1) the volume of stuff we need to take with us, and 2) it's embarrassing when your children misbehave in public. And, hey, babies be babies. A baby is not a "bad" baby because it cries. My inlaws do not have children and have nice things everywhere. And while I'm wholly in the camp of teaching my children how to behave, we are at a critical mass with Becca being capable of getting into things and not very capable of reasoning/bargaining just yet! Eeek. But I tend to think that parents are way more self-conscious of their own kids. Now when I hear kids crying in public I actually sometimes find it a little endearing. Or I feel sorry for frazzled parents. Rarely do I think "that kid needs some parenting."

Yes, sit by me, I'm almost always sympathetic towards babies and little kids crying. I remember it all too well. And unlike the parents trying to comfort their kids, I can escape by putting my headphones in and turning up the volume if it gets to be too much. And order a rum and diet coke if needed :) So no reason for me to get uptight when kids cry.

Well I weighed this morning after breakfast and coffee. The 2 pound drop with intermittent fasting stayed off. Just need to do whole days in a row. If I mow today I could drop another 2 in this heat. So thankful for air-conditioning.

I am going to try and make dill pickles today. We have given a bunch of cucumbers away. Still have plenty. I even pruned back the vines to let some light into the tomato plants. We have fermented cabbage and some other veggies in the past but I have never tried cucumbers. I did not eat much of it because it was during my nuts and yogurt days.

Dave when you do intermittent fasting, what protocol are you using? There seem to be so many different ways of doing it. I credit some of the success I've had this summer stopping regain to changing how often I eat. I'm eating the same, if not more calories(I've tried to change the quality of the food I'm eating too), but I'm eating less frequently, and I'm trying to leave at least 12 hours between my evening snack and breakfast. If I could just cut out the yogurt or glass of milk before bed, I could easily go 14 hours.

Jason Fungs book made a lot of sense to me. If I remember right he said 16 hr fast 2-3 times per week. With a single meal. To start out. I need to listen to his book again.

I read his book The Obesity Code in July. It made a lot of sense to me too.