Monday, July 29, 2019

Good morning everyone! It's weirdly warm here. 77 when I got up at 6:30 and super windy from the south. South winds are warm and sticky. North winds are cool and dry - my favorite. We're waiting on storms.

I was thinking yesterday on my eating of late. It's been really bad. I've gained a lot. Like A LOT. It doesn't feel good obviously. I also have noticed that I have become really dependent on Diet Coke again. It's about all I drink other than coffee. I gave it up for 3 years and while I missed it the whole time, I do think there is something to the idea that it promotes bad eating choices because of the the sugary taste (though not actual sugar). If I could limit it to one or two a day that would be one thing, but I don't because drinking them makes water or iced teas taste like a gross substitute. So I think it's time to cut them out again. I drank the last one in my house yesterday. I'm feeling withdrawals just thinking about it! But I want to feel good when I go on my hiking trip November 2nd. So I have 3 months to whip myself into shape and back into better clothes (I'm quickly squeezing out of my fat stuff).

Another interesting observation (at least to me)... My dad and his wife just got back from a trip and she announced that August is going to be a getting back to healthy month for her. Cutting out ice cream, chips, bread, etc. and working out. As this coincides with my feelings as well, why did her proclamation make me angry? It felt like a judgment of me (which it wasn't) and a condemnation of how I eat (again, it wasn't). My inner response was as if I was a toddler having candy snatched from my hand. I feel like a normal response would be to be grateful someone in my world is feeling similarly to me so we can work on it simultaneously. Instead it feels like a personal attack (it's not). Maybe food and eating has gotten so tangled with my feelings of self-worth that I can't view them objectively?

Sending love to Shel and all of you...

A lot of introspection here. I think it is hard for all of us not to fall into former patterns. I certainly am doing that to deal with my stress and unhappiness. I'm pretty good most of the day but the end of the day when I am very alone is a killer for me. I haven't weighed since June 6 according to MFP nor have I tracked my food more than once or twice so some new habits have gone by the wayside as well. I can still fit somewhat into some of my small clothes but not all and I hate the thought of buying anything new. Dresses are very forgiving...

I need to get my act in gear around the weight but I also have a lot of paperwork I need to attend to that is weighing on my mind. I feel like I am going to stay stressed at least until DH is in Memory Care. I probably still will be afterwards but hopefully less? Lately I have been thinking about the fact that I am going to be essentially single again. I never expected that this early in life.

But for today, I need to get DH up and showered/shaved. We are going to lunch with support group friends, then to a music event at the Memory Care location where I have a deposit in. I'm going to try to bring DH to at least one event per week there so he can build some familiarity.

Have a masterful Monday!

Bringing your DH to the memory care facility to familiarize him with it is a great plan! Clearly he is going to be in memory care, do you have a tentative date/time in mind?

I think sometime in late September or October.

I don't even have a good excuse like stress or unhappiness. That you are holding it all together as well as you are is a testament to your strength.

Cecily, I too wonder about the impact of diet coke. I never drank it, ever, the first 6years after my surgery. Then the last year or so I started allowing it as a "treat". Sometimes I would have a diet coke with rum when I wanted a ****tail. Then last school year I generally had 1 during my prep in the afternoon as a pick me up. Then some days 2... I also drink gallons of diet ice tea, and have done so since the beginning of my surgery. If I drink Snappel, I dilute it, but I'm not very good at plain water. Is diet coke somehow more problematic than diet ice tea? It doesn't make sense to me, but yet like you, I feel it has a different impact on my body. I do know when I met with the psychologist as required by my program before surgery approval, he warned me that the people who abstained from diet pop were the most successful, and people who drank it had more regain.

Ooh, interesting! I avoided it for 2 years before my surgery and one year after. The last year, it snuck back in. Reasonable quantities at first. Now way too much. My regain has picked up as my DC intake has risen.

Good morning! Today is rather fall like. It's a nice break from the heat we've had, and I can deal with the cooler temps, because the weather report predicts a warm up this week.

Peps, I can't believe your summer is almost over! I do love my work, but if I could retire you bet I would :) I still have almost a month. We're back on August 26, and students September 3. Our trip to Ireland is in 2 weeks. DH and DD have done all the planning. All the hotel rooms are purchased, the car reserved, the attraction tickets purchased, the schedule developed. It all looks awesome! All I have to do is pack and enjoy the itinerary. It will be the last hurrah of summer.

Regain. Sigh. Good news, I am the same weight I was at this time last year. So, with some effort (but not Herculean effort), I've stopped the regain roll. The bad news, I'm 36 pounds from my very lowest, 23 pounds from what would be a weight I could be satisfied with. Most of my clothes still fit, but some fit in name only, they are not flattering in any way. 23 pounds, and they would fit just fine. I have tried so many different ways to lose this regain in the last 2 years, keto, Aitkins, phentermine, ... this summer I have focused on whole foods, moderating carbs, reducing the actual number of eating episodes per day, moving more, and tracking no matter what. I continue to think I'm going to add in a specific exercise plan, but haven't achieved that. I have succeeded in working in more movement/activity into my daily life. I read the Obesity Code, and found some useful information about insulin response. I'm feeling more optimistic than I did this winter. I'm a little concerned about going back to work. Right now, I have much more control of my food environment, schools are notorious for treats in the staff room.

Quote: Think big thoughts, but relish small pleasures.

~ H. Jackson Brown Jr. , writer

Damn, we got some heavy sh*t going on here this morning! LOVE IT!

Diet Coke, Diet Iced Tea, Diet anything drinks are sweetened mostly with Splenda these days. Diet Anything drinks (doesn't matter if it is soda, tea, flavored waters) trigger the insulin response. There is nothing for your released insulin to "eat", so it starts to store what's available, which will make you hungry because your sugar level begins to drop and it needs replenishing. That is why many people who drink a lot of diet soda tend to gain a bit of weight.

I drink diet soda (Coke Zero, specifically). What I do not do is drink soda early in the day or very late in the evening when cortisol levels are highest naturally. I also don't drink diet sodas when I'm super hungry. I've noticed that is never a good combination. I will drink water if I'm hungry or eat something before having the soda. OF course, I am the Regain King, but it is not because I drink diet soda. It's because I eat a lot of crap loaded with sugar and I have emotional eating habits I never really broke when I had the chance after surgery. That said, take my info or leave it.

Hot damn, I'm down another 1/2 this am. Maybe there is something to this more normalized eating, after all.

I have clients this morning and then a session with the shrink later this afternoon.

I find this artificial sweeteners subject confusing. I've heard the theory about insulin release in response to sweeteners. And it makes sense. In my study of one (me), sweeteners do not seem to cause fat storage (therefore there was no insulin release?). I've used them daily, obese, not obese, gaining, losing, maintaining. In any of those situations my intake doesn't really vary. Sweetener in my coffee, tea, ice tea, yogurt, jello ... but Diet Coke maybe is different, I feel a pang, sort of like hunger sometimes when I drink it, and I crave it in a much different way than ice tea. A half and half diet Snapple is pleasant, but an ice cold diet coke makes me say, ahhhh, out loud sometimes.