Friday July 26 2019

So we missed going to the little shops yesterday as they weren't open until 11 and we were there at about 10:15. But we went to a shopping area where I resisted buying most things except a new throw pillow for my bed (can't have too many of them). Then we had lunch at a Tiki Bar/Restaurant (yes, on Cape Cod) which has been there for years but we never noticed it tucked away behind a boat store. Right at the marina so people come from car, boat, jet ski, kayak, or swim according to the waitress. Wonderful perfectly cooked fish and good prices. What a find! We will go to the little shops next time and go back to the Tiki Bar.

But I'm exhausted this morning. I haven't been sleeping well - feeling stressed I think. DH had ripped his bed apart this morning so though I was going to get him up a bit early to shower that all started more than an hour ahead of the needed time. I was planning on bringing him to an early music event/dinner tonight but now I'm feeling unsure about that with both our lack of sleep.

In the interim DH goes to daycare and I am meeting friends on the beach a bit then doing errands.

Have a fun Friday!

1. Within Range: yes
2. General Wellbeing: 8 on SS
3. 10,000+ Steps: 2384
4. Fitness:
5. Self-Care:
6. Fun:
7. I learned/relearned: When I look for FUN, I find it !
8. Intentions: Seek balance & relax, rejuvenate, & recalibrate !!

Two and a half days at a hotel and eating out and lots of driving.. glad I started out at the low end of my range ! Way too many carbs and way too much sugar. My 90 year old mother has been hospitalized during the interim. She had a 25 year old heart valve replacement repaired within the last year, and is steadily declining. My Dad has been gone 12 years, and I think she has just had enough. After we get the lawn under control today, we'll go visit her tomorrow (2 hours away). Peps, your pictures are awesome ! Liz, glad the tornado wasn't near you. BB, hope things are smoothing out as you continue to explore your options. DD, your water retreats sound lovely. Shirl, warmer weather is around the corner. Ceci, enjoy the lack of guests ! Diane, can't wait to see the deck. David, time for a grandbaby story !

How are you feeling about your Mom's decline? It's a blessing to grow old, but there are so many challenges also.

Just another pleasant summer day. Errands to run, good heaven there are always errands. DH gets home around 2 pm, and if the weather holds, we're off to the beach.

My weight remains pretty much unchanged, so maintaining is waaaasy better than gaining. I think I need to be honest with myself that I am not willing or ready to put in the hard work it takes to lose. So be it. It's a good season in my life right now, so maintaining is enough for now.

Quote: Life is short and there will always be dirty dishes, so let's dance. ~ James Howe, writer

Weight: 170.2

Amen to maintaining being better than gaining!

I met a couple single, childfree girlfriends out for drinks last night. They complained about the volume of the music, the rowdiness of the table next to us, and wanted to go home at 7:45. So apparently I have not lost my mojo because of kids/husband but rather I'm just growing old. Or they are. Or we are. Boo.

I had to immediately come on here and update you about my explant consultation. Because I just saw something

Textured implants have just been recalled due to 480-some-odd cases of cancer linked to them. While I do not have textured implants, they were recommended to me and someone very close to me does. This is enough to seal in my mind that explanting is the right thing to do. I don't want something foreign in my body and wait to find out later the types of effects if might have. And for what? To be someone else's version of beauty? Everything is risk/reward calculation, but in this instance the reward is so very small (for me) as compared to the risk. I shudder to think.

Of course at my consultation the PS tried to convince me of ways we could attempt to improve everything. They never listen. And okay so I'm probably a pretty unusual case in that normally women who come to them like big breasts. So they just don't know what to do with me. The downside is the lifting restrictions. Which seemed like I wouldn't be able to overcome such stringent lifting restrictions (nothing over 15lbs. for 4 weeks) for a couple years! But I got to thinking about it and I think a) that's very conservative/probably unnecessary, and b) women have C Sections with lifting restrictions and older children all the time. So I think my husband will take off for a week (most important week) to allow me to recover. And then after that I will probably leave Becca in daycare so that he can do the lifting in and out of car, in and out of bed, highchair and bath etc. Charlotte isn't too heavy. Main issue would be carseat but I can leave that in the car and just place her in it if I need to go somewhere by myself. I can do grocery delivery if need be.

I'm also contemplating a revision (mild) to my TT. It's been on my mind ever since I had the TT. My front is essentially washboard flat, but where the scar stops I have a bulge, lovingly called "love handles". Some of it's fat, some of it's skin, some of it is the optical illusion that occurs that where you remove from one area, another will seem to protrude more. It kind of looks like I'm wearing tight pants even with nothing! Her fix would be a lipectomy to extend the scars and remove more skin/fat, as well as some lipo on those areas. She assured me that no amount of weight loss will remove that, making me a great candidate.

I'm unsure. I've always wanted that. I think it would complete the look of my stomach. But I've also arrived at some acceptance of it. My scar looks great, my stomach otherwise looks great (especially 2 kids later). And of course I'm very reticent to just keep nitpicking. I'm torn between this leading me down a rabbit hole of "self improvement" that never gets satisfied, versus one more understandable procedure that's fairly minor, done while I'm already in the OR and taking time off to recover, and just one more thing to make me feel better. Hmmm. Thoughts? I'm very happy with my tummy. Lipo does kind of scare me. But it could be great.

I love your analytical nature when it comes to the PS. I have no doubt that you will do what is right for you. I had my eyes done as my personal 50th birthday present. I went in only to have the lower lids done, but the surgeon offered to do the uppers at the same time. I had not even thought of that, but I am so glad I listened to his advice. 5 years later I am still gleefully happy with the results!

I saw that article yesterday about the cancer implant link. Glad to hear you do not have those specific implants, but it is unsettling.

If I were your age, I would probably go with the tummy tuck revision. But it's true, there comes a time when you say, enough. It's just that for us formerly obese girls, the holy grail of a flat stomach, waist being within reach....pretty tempting. Full on plastic surgery is not in the cards for me, but I am thinking about a pannilectomy. Even if my skin would still be loose, having the apron gone would be so liberating.

I had such a traumatic PS experience I can't seem to get up the nerve to get my upper half done or fix the bad scars from the first one. It all sounds so good until you are one of the ones with complications!

Today we leave Glamping behind. We drive to Ashland to stay with friends, see a play, and head home tomorrow. I'm hoping to be home by around 5:00 so we can get some laundry done before bed. Goat also needs a thorough cleaning. It is very dusty at this campsite. We noticed this morning a fine layer of dirt is covering much of the inside of Goat. Boooo....

I am not ready to return home, but I am ready to return home. Interesting how those conflicting feelings don't bother me.

Thanks to DiamondD for recommending Educated by Tara Westover!!!! I finished it last night. I was mesmerized by the memoir. I am not a fast reader, so it did take me some time to finish the book - probably 5 or 6 evenings. The self acceptance, self empowerment, self awareness, self sabotage, self loathing, self endangerment were all issues with which I identified. Not in the same extreme nature as the author, but I found myself understanding so many of the feelings and turmoil she described in her autobiography. The author is 33 years old and writes like a wise woman double her years. I am fascinated by and in awe of her transformation. I haven't felt this strongly about a book since I read The Hours.

I am struck by the thought again that the more I accept the whole of myself, the more at peace I will be.

Homeward....