Sunday, July 21, 2019

Today is going to be a repeat of yesterday at least as far as weather and our daytime activities go. It is too hot to be outside except by the ocean with a sea breeze. Yesterday we were at the beach from 9:30-1:30, went to dinner by the harbor, and listened to a band play at the harbor bandstand until 8 pm. It was too hot to have the top down on the convertible.

It was a long day for DH and though he was largely non-verbal and couldn't do much for himself he seemed to enjoy it. But if he isn't in a low right now but on the newest step down, he really can't be home much longer. He still looks great but he doesn't do much more for himself than a one year old.

I am drinking coffee number one, then have to scoot to the grocery store before DS leaves for work.

Looking forward to hearing from Shel. No surprise that she is managing with strength and dignity. She always has!

Have a safe Sunday!

1. Within Range: yes
2. General Wellbeing: 9.5 on SS
3. 10,000+ Steps: 2844
4. Fitness:
5. Self-Care: hair cut & color
6. Fun: working on Vancouver itinerary
7. I learned/relearned: When I look for FUN, I find it !
8. Intentions: Seek balance & relax, rejuvenate, & recalibrate !!

Ann, thanks for the update on Shel ! Looking forward to her post soon ! It has been soo hot, that cross ventilation and fans just couldn't keep up !! We took the dogs and went out to the air conditioned RV to sleep last night !! The best thing we did, besides putting in the parking pad, was to have an electrician install a 30 amp outlet next to the pad, on the outside of the garage. When plugged in, we can use all the bells and whistles. We are going to contact our internet/cable provider this week to find out about running those services to SS too ! It will be a great selling feature in the future. We took a fabulous cold pickling class yesterday and learned how to preserve fresh vegetables. We learned lots about adding fresh herbs, seeds and spices too ! The garlic scape and Nasturtium blossoms (totally edible and peppery) are my new best friends ! I'll be using the left over brine to pickle hard boiled eggs... so exciting.

Liz- Is DS starting to come around ? Has he had any role in diapering and bed sheet changes during the night ? Can you ask him to let you know when he has his next two days off together and make arrangements to go visit someone ? Can he go with you to the next Dr or support group appointment ? Love and hugs !

Diane, DS has agreed to go on a tour of the place where I have a deposit in tomorrow. I think he is softening. Also, I realized that he has never been to a Memory Care facility so doesn't know that the good ones actually have a very homey environment and are not at all like a nursing home. I only saw one of that type (the one that stunk and I mentioned that I wouldn't put my dog there).

That is so cool that you can use your RV at home. And if you have extra and/or annoying guests you can send them out there (or you can go)!

Good Morning!

I have scanned most posts everyday but see I missed some nuggets, including: Quote: Let a joy keep you. Reach out your hands and take it when it runs by. ~ Carl Sandburg, poet. Thank you, DD, for that....so perfect in many ways. By the way, I feel your love for MN and the twin cities. I feel the same about Iowa dirt and am thrilled that Ann is wallowing in it this very second.

BB, Lordy, I hope that AC is fixed!!!!!! You will learn to manage kid-food somehow because you are a natural manager. I would like to gently push back on the need for things like teddy-grahams in house (I know that was a single example and you wouldn't over do so please don't misunderstand.) It isn't that I think that it is "bad food" but rather that that others (school, bus drivers (!), friends) were giving my kid processed carbs/sugar so often any balance had to come from me limiting it at home. I shall always resent that others (particularly the bus driver,) forcing goldfish out of my cabinets.

Liz, so glad that finances are cleared for DH to go into care. DS will come around, sooner or later. As you know, it is so much to do this in a planned fashion, rather than waiting for a crisis to force your hand, traumatic to all,and potentially deadly to Paul.

Another missed nugget: Peps pics! Love Love Love Love Love! You, Goat, Ron, all-the-dogs! Is the Lucky/Dottie litter the best ever?

Ceci (and really all of you to the East of me,) I hope that the weather is cooling. My parents are returning to SW Iowa today and it looks like temps were supposed to drop today. DianeS, any dog shows in the near future? Congratulations on the 20 years. Sincere kudos on starting the artist life earlier rather than waiting until a more typical retirement age. You (and DH) are smart, smart, smart. David, I am glad your shop provides both environmental and mental respite. Ditto for Adalyn. I love the impact of you two on each other.

As for me, things are progressing :) More shortness of breath with less activity....that sort of thing. That can be managed, somewhat, through medication to help keep me comfortable. I do pretty well sitting and chatting unless I go on a long monologue (who? me?) which might be cut short by SOB. Otherwise, still no pain or anything icky like that.

I have been overwhelmed by tremendously thoughtful cards/notes from friends. (By the way, this is gratitude weekend when I get all my thank you's and return correspondence.) I have never worn my heart on my sleeve but now I am just oozing I also found great pleasure in seeing my mom taking the time to read many of the hand written notes. One is never too old for parental approval, I guess, even tho I have long said I am past that.

DD, still my most pressing concern, ran by a few miraculous cures that might still happen. This is the first time for that sort of conversation. I told her that I would love a miracle, but am also accepting of the other. I shared with her that my personal biggest fear is that it will travel to my brain. I also shared that my oncologist called the other day to check in and repeated that really all decision making is out of my/our hands. It is totally in the hands of the disease. There is some freedom in having knowing that I have no control, except in how I respond.

Others that have suggested to me (and more that have suggested to the family) that I should have "taken it to the mat" with chemo (I'm like "what chemo works on triple negative?) or at least eschew all carbs in diet. (Haven't I been doing that since 2014?) I eat what I want.....I honestly like a lot of healthy food but I also have been frolicking in non-vsg friendly carbs. I still avoid most processed foods but that is cuz of taste. I think at some point my desire to eat will turn off and that will settle naturally settle that.

I look back at my comments and they appear more zen than how I feel. And, I like the idea of potential control at the very end and am working toward the option of using WA's death with dignity law which is essentially physician assisted suicide. I apologize if this offensive to anyone here. Only 30% of people that go through the process ultimately decide to use the option. But, I like the idea having it available if I want. The final rule is that I have to be lucid enough to drink it down without assistance.

So, QUESTION OF THE DAY, what alcohol should I choose to use as the "vehicle" should I decide to go this route? Alcohol is used to dissolve all the pills and my oncologist thinks I get to choose what alcohol is used. I rarely drink hard liquor and don't know what to choose...thoughts? Maybe the allow something like Baileys....if so, what are Bailey iike options. Maybe they would allow a merlot...

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo. You people are wonderful.

Grab your joy,

Shel

Yes, I gotta say the Lucky/Dottie litter is exceptional!

Best part of yesterday was when I told the judge that both the winners and reserve winners girls were my breeding he beamed and said that, "...we need more excellent breeders like you in this sport!" Then when he found out that he and I were both judging the nationals the same year (me the puppy competition, him the regular classes) he said, "Smart club! They don't want to compete against your dogs so they're having you judge!' That made my heart swell!

That's the kind of feedback you deserve. Good show!

Shel, I am so glad you've been able to talk to DD about the reality of your situation and how you feel about it. That was so hard for many with my eldest DD, but like you she was able to give comfort to her loved ones even while she was preparing for the inevitable. Hold onto DD whenever you can and keep letting her know how much you love her.

I support you looking into the WA death with dignity law. A similar law in Massachusetts was narrowly defeated a few years ago at the polls but I believe it is up for vote again this year. I voted for it previously and will again. When DD was at the end of life she asked her doctor what she could do if pain became unbearable and was told that stopping liquids would hasten the end. In a way, I guess that is what happened as she went on IV morphine and didn't have a port remaining for the saline she had relied on for the last couple of weeks.

Alcohol to dissolve the pills? I would think wine would work? That's what I would choose.

i had a dream that recurred several times after my DD died. It was loved ones reconnecting or connecting for the first time in heaven because they were watching the same people. DH used to call it Facebook in Heaven. We are all going to find each other there!

I will always love you Shel and I will remember you whenever I see a beautiful mountain vista

Love to you Michelle! I am all for taking destiny in your own hands in the most dignified way allowed to you. For goodness sakes, we are kinder to our animals in dire situations that we are to our fellow humans! I drink very little mostly because I don't like the taste of it. So your Bailey's idea sounds good. Or maybe a crazy frozen daiquiri with fruit and a little umbrella on the top?

The heat is gone, washed away in 5.5 inches of rain (some areas near us had over 12", so we got off easy!). It could not be more beautiful, in the 70s, crystal clear skies with a cool breeze and no humidity. Wish you could be here to lay on a zero gravity chair in the sunshine listening to the birds and watching the butterflies make their way south. So many monarchs on their journey through here now...

Shel, so good to read your post. Thanks for the time you took to write it.

Most people do not know what end of life care is all about. I think most people offer their suggestions out of ignorance or fear.

Don't know if the alcohol is needed for solvent purposes but have been told all of my ICU career that red wines hold on to carbon monoxides better than white wines. Do not know if that information helps. I prefer scotch but drink bourbon. What I buy is 50 percent and goes down awful. I chase it with lemon water. For me it is better pain control than opiates.

Hugs, David