07/16/19, Tuesday

1. Within Range: yes
2. General Wellbeing: 10 on SS
3. 10,000+ Steps: 9,533
4. Fitness: walking
5. Self-Care: meditation & yoga
6. Fun: working on Vancouver itinerary
7. I learned/relearned: When I look for FUN, I find it !
8. Intentions: Seek balance & relax, rejuvenate, & recalibrate !!

Happy birthday Shel !! So happy to hear from you !!

I am beginning to put together a tighter list of things I want to do/see in Vancouver, so that I can schedule some of the adventures requiring reservations. In the past, I would have been all about the cooking classes and the Eat Your Way Around Vancouver offerings. I am so grateful that that no longer appeals. I have scheduled a three hour paddle board class on a board that can be used as a kayak or stood upon. I'll get to use my wetsuit ! I find it curious that I listed Halo Top as a snack and not NF (Not Fuel) in Daily Eats, but my rationalization was loud and firm... ice cream is clearly NF but a legitimate attempt to reduce sugar and calories and make a healthier choice doesn't belong there. Have to watch that slippery slope thinking.

BB... while I knew I was supposed to LOVE being at home with my girls, I was always eager to get back to work. Dressing up and having to be in a professional mindset, allayed depression and feelings of worthlessness for me. When I was home, I was the best possible mom I could be and I cut way back on after workhour obligations. I was one of those women who NEEDED to work to be a better mother. The fact that you are an attorney will truly enable you to do as much or as little as you choose. You've got this. Liz, I agree that DS should have some regular night and daytime responsibilities with Paul. Has he experienced the acting out you have ? Has he had to wonder if he can keep his father safe ? Diane & Tesla...congrats ! Ceci..great clouds !! Frame that ! PEPS, glamp on !! Love to all of the rest of you... have to run !

A other hot day here today. DH is at daycare so SIL and I are going further down the Cape to shop and have lunch out.

Yesterday was a fairly good day. BIL found DH's glasses which had been on the floor of the pond for the last few weeks. They either have a deposit on the lenses or are scratched up. BIL is going to try to clean them up but save the frame regardless so at minimum I can have new lenses put in. DH and I went to a support group meeting mid-day. They all agreed with me that it sounded like it was time for DH to go into Memory Care (a combination of his status and my losing ability to cope with it). The individual running DH's group was very surprised by how much he has gone downhill. He isn't terribly engaged most of the time now, can't understand much and cries a lot. The neurologist suggested giving him a small dose of Risperidone daily to see if that helps. We went out to eat with DS and I had fantastic baked scallops. I could only eat half and hardly any of my vegetables but it was SO good. DH and DS finished up my scallops for me.

Shel, I hope you had a wonderful birthday yesterday!

Have a terrific Tuesday!

143.2

Good morning, all! So fun to see everybody out and about..David, I hope you have not had to remove to a rowboat. So much rain in Arkansas. Take care.

Choices choices, chose to not get out and walk - My excuse? Going to be hot, sunny and humid today. Reality check- Not any of the above apply at 5:00 am. Truth: .

Dressing up for work is a joy, and I do believe Ill miss it. Looking towards a closet makeover soon. Time to let some of that business casual go. I know we are not what we wear, but for me, paying attention to my outside helps create and maintain a positive inner attitude of worth. The Fly Lady recommends a clean kitchen sink creates a clean mindset for the day. Maybe that's why it's important to make your bed, AND for me, to dress well every day, whether I leave the house or not. Being comfortable does not mean dressing sloppy.

Off to get dressed!

171.6 I think.

You all, and especially Shel, are really inspiring me to seize the day!

Life is too short and uncertain. Too bad choices aren't usually clearly defined. Wouldn't it be awesome if decisions were so obvious? One choice is often made at the expense of another--and sometimes they aren't the best choices in retrospect. I just need to try and have a bit more confidence in my decisions, make them, and then try to make the best out of them.

While I don't think I"m depressed, I definitely overthink things and am a pessimist. Must work on that. After DH didn't get this "promotion" (and of course he's disappointed! Whether it's something you want or not, it hurts the ego to not get it. Plus, you start thinking about what could be!), my advice to him was simple: if you do your best at what you're doing, that will lead to the best possible outcome, period.

Okay so all that yammering about off topic stuff. Yesterday felt productive and that gave me peace. Becca not being in the house definitely helped with the cleanliness/neatness. I went to the grocery store yesterday and the same thing happened as last time!! Did I tell you that last time I was stopped by a woman and told how fantastic I looked after just having a baby?! Well it happened again yesterday! She walked straight up to me and said "I had to look at how old this baby was because there is no way you just had a baby. I cannot believe it." Maybe God just knew what I needed to hear. Is that egotistical? Idk. But it has reminded me how important my size is in the scheme of things. When I feel good about myself and my weight, everything else seems brighter and more manageable. I don't know if this is good or bad, but it is. I spent too long neglecting myself, feeling bad about myself. I'm not going to feel bad about wanting to feel good about myself if that makes sense.

Weight seems to like where it is. 264. This is good in the sense that it is stable. When I am not gaining weight I feel better.

My fun yesterday was glamping shopping and preparation. I learned how to sanitize and sterilize my potable water system, which I did. this morning I will flush the system and then take Goat in for a tune up. Not sure if yet if we will leave tomorrow or Thursday. Probably Thursday is my guess, but leaving tomorrow would be so much more civilized in regards to the hour we would need to leave. If we leave on Thursday, we should really leave by about 4 am. Blech!

Diane O, I think Non Fuel food is simply perspective. I know one of Dr. C's patients, Robert (forget what his OH name is...but you know him... he is the professional photographer with great food porn pics), referred to Quest Bars as candy bars with added protein. He refused to eat them because he considered Quest Bars to be crappy, slippery slope food. Many people use Quest Bars as a staple to get adequate protein and consider them a dietary staple.

BB - totally get the not wanting to feel bad about wanting to look good.

FWIW - I do not get great pleasure from dressing up. I like best to be in casual, comfortable clothing. When I am thin, it is easier to dress up because it feels less restrictive. Now carrying an extra 70-80-90 pounds I don't like dressing up in a suit at all. I don't like anything tight around my neck and with the added weight it's really quite uncomfortable. My preferred garb is nice 100% cotton shorts from LL Bean with a well made polo shirt or a cotton button down or a V neck tee. It is my goal to remember that as I reduce my size.

Off I go to empty Goat of her bleach water before we go to the shop.

Greetings Excellent Earthlings

Well I finally weighed myself after the 5 day dog show indulgence. 157. Who'd a thunk it?? Down a pound after eating french fries and potato chips. Guess all the walking and schlepping was useful.

DianeO, have fun paddle boarding. Looks like a cool activity.

Scallops Liz! One of my favorites. Must get some.

BB of course you look fabulous! Baby or no baby! Some mothers are just not stay-at-homers. Glad that you get to choose.

Peps have fun glamping. (autocorrect does not like that word). I am with you on comfortable clothes only. I equate being dressed up with being uncomfortable and don't like to do it.

Gallery duty scheduled for today. It will be boring. Toys needed.

Dinner last night was a deli chinese chicken salad. So love the new(ish) health food store in our town. Ham tonight.

Shout out and hugs to Shel.

Thats about it here. Diane S

Weight: 138.6
Macros: Calories - 1,787, Carbs - 172, Fats - 53, Protein - 101, Fiber - 20
Sleep: 8 hours
Veggie/Fruit Servings: 5
Water glasses: 4
Exercise: 7,000 steps

Yesterday's calories, which were more than usual when I'm trying to lose weight, was in part an appropriate response to what came up in my monthly therapy session yesterday. Here's what happened ....

Yesterday I presented my therapist with a problem I've seen developing this year--that because my vacation/traveling time has increased since my husband died, my weight gain during those trips has increased proportionately. Fortunately, when I come home after traveling I can still get back into weight loss mode to lose the holiday weight, although I have to be in weight loss mode for a correspondingly longer period of time.

Here's the sticky part: The extended diet period (when I'm denying myself bread, sugars, cheeses, etc.) then sets me up for overeating even more severely on "forbidden foods" the next time I travel or go on a vacation. Then I come back home only to have to return to my weight loss diet again for a longer period of time and even more severely. Can you say yo-yo dieting?

In other words, I need to figure out how NOT to go hog wild when I'm on the road/traveling/vacationing and moderate my eating to a better degree. Don't get me wrong -- I don't mind gaining a couple of pounds after a week away from home. But I don't want to gain more than that and then have to spend a month losing weight gained from overeating food that's merely meh because I haven't had it for a long time. Bottom line: I want to stop the eating pendulum from swinging so severely in either direction.

I'm currently putting together a plan for how I can eat more nutritiously and moderately during my trip to Iowa City next week. I'm also planning how to eat more moderately while I'm at home, i.e., not to diet so severely and not to take "everything bad" off the table when I do need to lose a couple of pounds to the point that when I go on my next trip I can't resist any breads or desserts or treats at all. In other words, I want my eating at home and my eating away from home to start resembling each other more.

Getting away from my "all or nothing" inclinations (which I think of as my super power) is a big change to consider and makes me nervous. However, I'm up for the challenge.

Yesterday, there was also some discussion about how my personality (which loves adrenaline, climbing tall mountains, battling evil monsters, being the hero of my story, etc.) may be fueling these emergency weight loss episodes I've found myself in this year. That possibility was extremely mortifying to consider.

What's toughest for me is that building a new strategy to tackle my weight maintenance challenges is much more daunting than just working harder--because I'm so very good at working harder.

Gee. Real personal growth. Not so easy, is it?

Today's theme: Think different.

I definitely find that forbidden food makes me eat more/dieting makes me gain weight. Which is difficult, right, because how do you ever lose weight?

I personally believe that one of the best things I can do for weight loss is to not gain weight. LOL. I'm starting to see what people mean by keeping tight hold of reins on weight range.

But thing happen...like pregnancy in my case. So what to do? I have to "deprive" myself to some degree to lose weight.

Well I'm still trying to figure out the answer. But I do know that I cannot be too strict or else it's counterproductive. I also know if I'm too lenient, nothing ever happens. So far I feel like the best option to me is simply to look at calories. In this season of weightloss I need to try and eat very lightly if I want a larger meal later. It doesn't always work out, but it feels me like a CHOICE to me that way than deprivation! For example, we're having leftover pizza tonight. Man is it good!! I plan to eat ONE slice and have a side salad with light greek dressing, cucumbers, and tomatoes.

BB, your dinner plan sounds like an excellent strategy to me -- instead of my usual recent program of big salads and no pizza at all for two months in a row.

I am not working on building an ark yet. More rain yesterday, last night and this morning. This afternoon the humidity is so high that walking across the yard is difficult.

I have been trying to install the new mini split over the past few days. The one thing that increases my pain is working from a ladder. Tried to keep it to a minimum. But mostly it really can not be avoided now. I will heal up later. I will get the knees injected in a couple of days. Also thinking that the type of salt I have been eating over the past 2 weeks has my joints inflamed. Something is different. I dumped my salt shakers this morning. We will see.

I tried to upload a video of Adalyn to youtube. Seems either youtube is mad at apple of apple is mad at youtube. I can't seem to upload from my phone. I spent hours looking for a solution. I should have just tried from another program.

Seeking peace, David