Monday, 7-15-2019

I had considered PPD, of course. But I really don't think so I feel pretty good about life in general, just that I'm not meeting my potential. This leads to a restless feeling and the stay at home life is super monotonous. Much more so than work. But I do feel guilty that I am thinking about what would feel best for me rather than my family. Rich is okay either way, but does admit he likes the idea of me raising the girls. I had a working mother and never felt that I got the short end of the stick. I was always exceedingly proud of her.

I think either way the change will be hard and an adjustment.

I haven't officially left my firm--but I work with my parents who are starting to work more and more half days and are okay with less work load. And I'm just not sure there is enough work to go around, especially since I've been gone for 3 months already! It might be, but I think it would require me search out new clients.

Greetings Precious Persons

No weight today. Back from dog shows late afternoon yesterday and I ate so much trash I didn't want to know. Bad attitude but starting afresh today.

We had fun at the dog shows in Oregon near the coast so it was cool. Even so I got a ***** of a sunburn on my face and had to go buy a bunch of aloe creme. I am now peeling and look like a lizard. Tesla won the points 3 days out of four so that's a good thing. She is up to 10 points and needs only 5 more to be a Champion. She is a good little traveler.

Had one of the best meals ever - fried little oysters at dockside fish and chips place. Enough for dinner later and to share with others. Finally tossed the rest. So much food. Fun eating outside at sidewalk tables with one of the dogs along. There was a sign up telling you not to feed the seagulls. I swear they live on nothing but french fries.

One bad thing about the dog shows was that it had HORRID coffee with no half and half. We had trouble finding decent coffee until the last day. And my travel buddy wanted to always get to the show very early even though our show time wasn't until afternoon. Who can sit in a lawn chair for hours with no good coffee!!!

Ann so great that you can just buy sunglasses! I am envious. Glad the storm wasn't too terrible. Horrors on the news about it.

Liz I know you will make the right decisions for your DH. Professional care offers a great deal more than even the most attentive spouse can. Bet your son comes around.

BB being home with kids is no picnic. It drove my mom nuts so she went back to school. There is probably contract legal work you could do for some organization. No doubt things will change as they grow up. Meanwhile I think you are rocking the weight thing. Two babies and only 7 pounds a couple of months after delivery is great!

No eating after dinner is a good rule, Diane O. Some years back Costco had these frozen yogurt bars that were 7 g protein and 70 calories - and really good. I need to look for them again.

Well now I am back to the real world and need to get into the studio/gallery/banking routine. But first more coffee. Diane S

So I went to get my oil changed at the dealership where I bought my car. The car I shopped for, test drove, picked out, qualified for the financing all on my own. When I went in for the appointment, they couldn't find me in the system. Why? Because all of their records were switched to my husband's name. Once they figured that out, it seems that my name wasn't even in their record, because he looked at me and said, I'm sorry, what is your name again? He did say he switched the account to my name. When I bought the car, I brought my husband so his name would be on the title. He deliberately signed everything in the secondary signature line as he saw me as the primary title holder. Well I'm here to tell you in the year 2019, if you've a girl and you're married, this dealership doesn't recognize you as an owner. Sheesh. However, I'm sure if the man of the house doesn't pay the loan they'll suddenly remember I exist.

Ella, GOAT and I made it back last night all in one piece. I love, love, LOVE GOAT! It was one of the best dog show weekends ever! What I did do was make the mistake of agreeing to groom too many clients while I was there. I will have to curb that tendency! If I had not been so busy grooming and helping others, I would have had time to eat better. Yesterday was just a joke. I ate potato chips for lunch. That's so wrong on so many levels for me. It's not even so much the emotional level that bothers me as what it does to me physically. The blood sugar ups and downs and then the gut issues that followed at dawn today were simply not worth it! Had I had the grilled chicken and pre prepped salad I had I wouldn't have had eating half a bag of chips between 2 and 8 pm!

Of course, how did I start today? Grooming a client dog! LOL!

Goat is going into the shop tomorrow morning. She started making a very big vroom vroom noise when I stepped on the gas, almost like the muffler vanished, about half an hour before reaching home. Want to get that checked out before leaving for Portland on Wednesday/Thursday.

Liz, I think it might be good for DS to take sole care of Paul on his days off for the next few weeks. You might also encourage him to take over night time duty with you several times per week. It will give him an idea of how skillfully you have managed Paul's care up to this point. You have been a model of Yankee ingenuity in this process. I am so taken and proud of you for realizing your limitations before things spiral out of control and things become dire with Paul's care. DS is dealing with his truth of the situation, not yours. He doesn't see that in reality you are actually putting Paul's needs, comfort and care first. Maybe if he can experience just a taste of the work you have done the past several years, DS will begin to see beyond his personal truth.

It is warm here today. Hot actually. Have to get some watering done before the potted plants die of thirst.

Must get on with a few things to get ready for my extended camping trip, too. I don't think I've been away from home for 10 consecutive days in years and years! My trips back east are usually never more than 6 or 7 days, so a whole week and a half is daunting! Especially considering I'll be lugging 4 dogs along!

Food is on track so far today. Yesterday's little foray into busy schedule eating only proved how much of a "normal eater" I am not!

Happy my Birthday! 56 today.

Liz, you are, of course, right about DH in every way. I think your friend the social worker might be able to help DS see the whole picture, including that memory care is likely better care that what can be provided at home. Not that you haven't done a great job, (cuz you have) but because those places have the know-how to provide stimulation and so much more than a lay person can. When I toured those places, it was hard for me to "see" those advantages even as they were explained to me because I was so horrified by the whole scene, including the many folks that were more advanced in their dementia. I did better being educated when I wasn't plopped into the middle of it all.

BB, may your funk pass soon. You will find your place.

DD, I hate that men end up on the top line just because.

Peps, GOAT and the pups look great together! I'm looking forward to your Portland trip.

DianeO, so gad you found the equine therapy place! I am so glad that you have been able to maintain no eating after dinner.....I have to learn that over and over and over again.

DianeS, good luck with that burn and I am so proud of both you and Tesla!

Ann, hope you have been enjoying the big city. Can't believe that both mowers are out. I totally expect Shirl to show up when they are both fixed so she can help you make the place right in no time. B150, I enjoy each and every one of your posts.

David, I value all your input!!!

Felt very fatigued over the weekend and just did what I needed to do whi*****luded an awful lot of sleeping. I still feel supported by guests (one from Alaska) and family. Continued to lounge today; I went to DD's favorite coffee shop and we did aok even lugging oxygen tank (and extra tanks in the car) so that was freeing. DH would prefer that I stay home "safe." I get that but it great to feel a bit independent. Nurse came over today and made sure that I understand that it is ok to use my meds up to the max allowed which will allow some ease from shortness of breath and cough. I tend to under dose the heavy duty stuff but after the weekend I can (finally) agree with the expert that I will need more of it for quality of life. Quite the balance. And, the adjusting will simply continue....there won't be a magic perfect dose that works for every single day.

I now it is getting late for some of you, but still find something fun to do today. Oh, that reminds me of Ferg! Ceci, hope he feels even better. And yes, even his wet shadow on the ground is cute. What a beautiful boy. Hope you are finding some rest in between all the company.

Big hugs! Past hiking pics below.

Shel.

Thank you for your advice!

I am so glad you could go out with DD. Keep listening to the experts - they know how to maximize quality of life which is so critical. Love you always!!!!

Lovely to hear from you on this your birthday. So happy that you and your daughter had some time together just doing the kind of thing mothers and daughters do.

PS: I am in love with Buster and his expressive face.

Shel! Happy, HAPPY Birthday!!!! I smile every time I think of you (and I think of you all the time)!!

Happy Birthday, my friend!!

My fun for today included a dinner party on the deck for our friends, one of whom is in a wheelchair (we rigged a ramp to the deck as he can't get in the elevated big house). It was beautiful and the massive thunderstorms stayed about 10 miles north of us all evening. We were prepared to hightail it inside, but the weather held. The food was delish if I do say so myself.

Here is a pic of sweet Ferg wearing a t-shirt in lieu of the cone of shame to keep him from going after a hotspot on his front leg. It's working like a charm.

And when I got up to give Ferg his first early AM pills, I noticed all the fascinating clouds in the storm front moving over us. I ran in and grabbed my phone to take pictures. This was taken in color, it just looks black and white. No editing, it was just that awe inspiring!