7-12-19 Friday

Okie doke ... I'll start posting an image of my MFP days on the "Daily Eats" thread. Is easiest for me that way and also shows amounts / portions / servings, which others may find helpful.

I started a book, The Unwinding of the Miracle. One of our friends recommended it to my husband when his sister was dying from ovarian cancer. The subtitle is a Memoir of life, death and everything that comes after. As one reviewer wrote, her wise and moving account of her battle with cancer is an extraordinary call to live wholeheartedly. I'm about a 1/3 of the way through, and will fini**** today. Highly recommend it so far. Since it's my husband's book, and he hasn't read it yet, I am forcing myself not to highlight or write margin notes. I may have to buy my own copy. Here's a sample:

Our purpose in this life is to experience everything we possibly can, to understand as much of the human condition as we can squeeze into one lifetime, however long or short that may be. We are here to feel the complex range of emotions that come with being human. And from those experiences, our souls expand and grow and learn and change, and we understand a little more about what it means to be human. I call it the evolution of the soul.

And

Live while you're living, friends. From the beginning of the miracle, to the unwinding of the miracle.

"I am forcing myself not to highlight or write margin notes..."

You are such a teacher!

David, what a wonderful use of the big AC unit box. I loved big boxes as a kid, too!

OceanDiane- The work you are doing at the Equicenter is wonderful! I would like to join you, but honestly I am more drawn to the horses than the gardening. I find that when I am in the company of horses, I miss that part of my life. Maybe in retirement I will find time to work with horses again.

Ceci - Loved the spirit Fergus photograph!

Liz - I am sorry there is such burden on your shoulders. I'm glad you are inserting "fun" into your days. That is important.

Bonnie - Major congrats on reopening your latest life chapter.

BB - hope you are feeling more at ease today. I do think that your feelings around DH's job situation were normal and justified. I would have the same, if someone f'd with Ron in the same manner.

Diamond - the cove sounds nice. I guess you don't worry about snapping turtles in your lakes and ponds?

Shel - Thanks for the quick check in yesterday. Hope you are up for your "more tomorrow" update.

Ann - It is nice to have you back on the board with regularity. I miss you when you travel.

Shirl - your winter cookie sounds yummy. I do have to say that your schedule is sure impressive and tiring. I consider myself over scheduled, but I feel my "busy-ness" pales in comparison.

I have the usual internal stuff going on. I am feeling a little off my game when it comes to sorting through and posting my thoughts lately. I think I simply continue to be a work in progress and am really working on continued self acceptance and working with who I am vs. who I believe I should be. That's a pretty tough job for me. I can share a truth that leads me to a question with which I am grappling:

I love eating. I love sweets. I sometimes even delight in my gluttony. I believe I should be someone who loves vegetables and meat and eating healthy, and looks like a Greek god. I "think" this would make me "happy". Reality is it is really hard for me to eat like a naturally thin, Adonis like person. Reality is I will never ever have the figure I see in my mind's eye as ideal, which means I can't live up to the inner expectation. So, where does that leave me? Where is my happy middle ground? Where can I find my own personal "Happy Place"?

A current glimpse into my loop of self acceptance struggles. But, I am happy to report, none of this is getting me down or feeling less than. It's just the emotional task at hand.

The bad news is that the Memory Care place I put down a deposit for because I like it best for DH is the most expensive initially in the area. The good news is that he qualifies to move into an "affordable unit" when one is available in 1-2 years which drops the cost by $5000 a month and truly makes it affordable. The others start lower but climb in cost as more care is needed and do not have affordable housing units in Memory Care (only in Assisted Living). I have one more place I may tour on Tuesday, then I see our financial guy on Thursday to discuss nuts and bolts.

Other good news is that the pneumonosis experienced by SIL has almost cleared up and the cancer shrunk with the first two infusions of immunotherapy (which she can't have anymore because of the pneumonosis). She looks 200% better and has been eating well.

Tonight the two SILs and another friend are coming at 5 for pizza, then we are going to an outdoor show nearby from 6-8 (the latest that DH can tolerate being out). Hopefully it won't shower though it is incredibly muggy right now and there is a chance for showers until 8-9 tonight.

I took my first outdoor shower of the summer today. Heavenly!

Thinking about you Shel!

Outdoor shower, putting it on my list. (The one labeled, how can I get some of this in my life?)

Ours has a changing room and shower room:

Hello!!!!!

I don't know how someone who sits/lounges on a loveseat the majority of the runs out time/energy, but here we are.

I find comfort in visitors but have over-scheduled myself, especially on a week where I still had/have a lot of computer/paper work to complete. I haven't been able schedule phone calls with far away friends because I just run out of time. Yesterday, I finally put 6 hours in on the computer which was too much. But, I did get a lot done. I'll keep the ball moving forward today. Besides an appliance repairman and my parents/sister, no visitors are scheduled. Rest is on the schedule.

I appreciate ALL OF YOUR WELL WISHES and call outs and just descriptions of your day to day lives. For myself, seeing how people manage busy, active, stressful lives in maintenance has been the value of this forum. I know how to manage my food in my usual environment, but I wanted to know how to (eventually) manage the unpredictable, too. That said, I do see the value of listing daily eats.

May Tesla's neck hair behave, today.

I'm so happy to see Goat in the discussion. I picked out a couple of pics that may end up in my Celebration of Life service. I am not sure of the Goat's gender, I didn't spot any obvious boy parts but I didn't zoom in, either. I do think it is a young goat, and curious.

At first, I was just thrilled to see a goat, close enough for pictures. I didn't dream that we would loosely head up the ridge together, for hours. Sometimes, Goat used the people trail, sometimes Goat disappeared, I imagine climbing up the ridge using rocks/boulders on either side. Many times, I thought our time together was over, only to have Goat suddenly appear out of no where. Below, a pic of when I was at a lunch rock, eating (natch) and discovered there was a spy.

There were also times that Goat seemed to be watching to see if I was watching, like below.

Peps, I think Goat is an excellent travel companion. A curious explorer at heart. The visionary MD that hired me to start pharmacy services in our clinic, long before anyone was doing that, and willing to take a chance on me even tho I didn't have the right academic background, said recently that he viewed as both as explorers. Both of us were willing to poke around the unknown to see what was there. I loved being thought of as an explorer. Enjoy that RV (Large Marge or something? LOL) and boldly explore.

Love you all! Michelle

PS, physically, I haven't changed too much. Still SOB and coughing but nurse/MD are gradually adjusting meds to help with both. Still no pain. Was sleeping great until they added low dose morning steroid to help with cough which disrupts sleep so I halved the dose and then it wasn't effective for cough. So, back to full dose today. I can converse pretty well if sitting, but the moment I take a few steps, SOB prohibits most of that. Got a shower chair which helps immensely with washing hair. Daily bathing is the most taxing thing I do all day LOL.

Maybe you will visit us as a goat? Love you

Love Goat! Love you more! :)

So good to hear from you. I KNOW you are busy as you possibly can be right now and marshaling your strength for everything you must do now.

Please do what is most important to YOU. I sincerely hope that your paperwork/computer chores are nearly done.

I love you THIS MUCH! :)