VSG Maintenance Group
06/19/19, Wednesday
Weight was 174 something today. Hurrah.
But I've been wanting to eat more today. Brownies in particular. I've had 1.5. MFP says they're 290 calories a piece!!! Old tapes want to say "you've blown it, polish them off. Tomorrow will be better."
I have trouble seeing improvement as good enough. Definitely let perfection be the enemy of progress. Especially on food front. For example, I think I did pretty well yesterday but a friend brought over dinner and I have no idea how many calories. I want to sulk. But I pulled myself together and thought "you know, I ate consciously all day. Dinner was average. Together that's better than average and I'm pleased with that." Trying to get into that mentality today. Normal people have a brownie, or even 1.5. What's not normal is purposefully overeating/eating poorly and sabotaging myself on the bizarre notion that 1.5 brownies is killer. For me, it's a lot less of a physical response/craving to things like brownies or rich dinners, and much more about the psychological response it elicits. Granted, brownies are much less satisfying that what I could do with 435 calories (geez Louise, I just added that up!!!) but it doesn't have to undo me. Guess that's my mantra: this doesn't have to undo me.
Yesterday's eats:
B: Sbux egg white sous vide bites and cold brew with cascara foam.
L: Fz entrée: chicken tikka masala with cauliflower rice. really yummy hit the spot. Bought at Target. Under 300 calories and good macros.
D: Friend brought chicken breasts with lemon caper cream sauce, asparagus, mashed potatoes, lemon-raspberry bars, and white wine. I ate a bit more than I would for my usual self, but on the low end of normal for non-vsg'ers.
Although I did have a glass of wine last night, I've noticed it doesn't have quite the hold over me. I wonder if I'm losing my taste for wine, alcohol in general? Having been pregnant so much of the last 2 years, I can admit that I really miss alcohol in its absence. There is definitely something fun and adulty about it. So I dunno that I will go cold turkey. But it also has calories and makes me sleepy: two things I don't need any more of right now!
Having said that, DH and I are going to dinner tonight and yes, I'll probably get a ****tail.
After a couple of very warm days this evening is cooling off beautifully. The fog must be coming in over the Golden Gate blanketing the bay and the Oakland hills. I am very grateful for our natural air conditioning here in CA. I know my eastern, southern and midwestern friends all find our sweater weather summer evenings abhorrent, but I welcome the evening chill that allows me to use a down comforter almost all 365 days each year.
Weight was 264.5 this morning. I am wearing my weight with pride these days. Well, pride is probably the wrong descriptor. I think without shame is more accurate. I have "good food" days and "not so good" food days, but at least the gaining cycle seems to be over.
Working out is going very well. I am training three days per week for the summer. I am trying to get a 4th day in on my own, but have only been successful with that twice so far since school has been out. Dealing with clients, Ron's mom's house, and my own "chores" has sort of been the focus since school has been out. I also need to remember that school let out for the summer on June 7. That was less than two weeks ago. I need to cut myself some slack. Today was a very typical day for the past 12 days though: 2 client dogs from 10 - 1:45, hair cut at 2:30, back home to tend to dogs, training at 5:30, shopping for supper, shower, change, and here I am. It's 8 pm and I still need to feed dogs and feed myself. I have the strangest craving for a plain hamburger patty on the grill and a salad. So, that's what's cooking at the House of Peps! Got some grass fed hamburger and salad fixings. Waiting for Ron to get home from his mom's house to start dinner.
Diane O. Atlas is a DAWG, granted a service dog, but still a DAWG. My advice is to allow him his designated cool, in the dirt spot. Granted I have a "pack" and I found that I must choose my battles wisely. With 5 at home, I can not win against the cave instinct - especially with powerful diggers. I did have to chicken wire off under the deck because the dogs were undermining the the support structure. Other than that, the lower yard is theirs to dig and hollow out as they see fit. They are excavating cave #3 currently. It is under one section of the wooden retaining wall. )Not as strong as the two caves dug underneath the concrete patios.) They sneak their work in while I am otherwise occupied. They stop when they "feel" my presence. Sort of cute and very clever on their part. They know I am not a fan of their digging. I also know that there is a base need for them to dig, so I go with it. Keeps us a happy pack!
I spoke to a dog show friend from TX the other night about VSG. He is scheduled at the end of the month. Interesting how even with my regain I found myself extolling the virtues of the surgery and told him how far ahead of the game he is knowing that he has an eating disorder. I think he has the potential to be very successful, but I was honest that the VSG was no match for an eating disorder allowed to flourish. I said several times that the post surgery period was the time to really work on and understand that you are NOT ON A DIET, but rather creating a new and sustainable way of eating to support maintenance. OMG! Isn't hindsight the bomb?! LOL!
Well, off to feed my lovelies. I do so love my dogs. We are really enjoying life together these days. I think placing Liza was a wise move for my pack. They are calmer and seem more content.
Ron just got home, so bye!
