04/16/19, Tuesday

1. Within Range: yes
2. General Wellbeing: 9.5 on SS
3. 10,000+ Steps: 8,645
4. Fitness: walking
5. Self-Care: Noom
6. Play/Leisure: research
7. Intentions: Seek balance & relax, rejuvenate, & recalibrate !!

Both of you are so beautiful!

Calories about 1800. we went out to lunch, dinner and post-dinner for SIL's last full and the day included wine. As you know, wine is my downfall not only because of its innate calories but because of my eating after imbibing. I will drive SIL to the airport mid-day, so upholding my own rules will be much easier after today.

DD had a lot of questions yesterday. I think that subscribing to the latest diet craze (like keto or intermittent eating) is crazy for me. Sticking to what works for me is best, which means a fairly high amount of protein, moderate fat and low carb. It allows me to feel full but stay low in calories. And yes, I drop my calories pretty low because my maintenance calories are quite low. I'm not very tall and want my weight at most in the low 120s. The calorie level I shoot for to lose is 800-1000, which is consistent with past successful "diets". But I don't feel that my current effort at correction is a diet, just an eating adjustment.

DH is going to daycare today and SIL is leaving as I mentioned. Not much else on the agenda.

Have a thoughtful Tuesday!

Weight: 141.6
Macros: Cals - 1,371, Carbs - 140, Fat - 25, Protein - 114, Fiber - 32
Sleep: 6 hours
Veggie/Fruit Servings: 9
Water glasses: 4
Exercise: 5,500 steps
Meditation: Yes

Another quick post this morning. It was great to be back in a therapy session yesterday. It's interesting to view from a longer perspective my ongoing grieving process. There's a lot to say about that topic, and there always will be. I also brought home a three-month supply of my protein drinks; it always feels good when that supply is laid in.

This morning I'm headed back to yoga class. Deep breath! I've been doing yoga@home the past week (just stretching) which has been a pleasure and good for me.

As expected, because of yesterday's 4.5 hours of driving yesterday's water and steps were lower than normal. BTW, I'm currently working on not sweating not being perfect.

Quick movie review coming at you now about "Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far on Foot," which I watched last night on Prime or Netflix (I forget which). It is very unexpected and IMO a good film. Alcoholics Anonymous figures prominently in it. Even though I haven't done a 12-step program, the never-ending recovery process for ANY addiction and connected behaviors displayed in the film seems so important. Much food for thought there.

Had a magnificent lunch yesterday at my thank-God-they're-open-on-Mondays restaurant in The Big City that does farm-to-table menus: zoodles, cabbage, kale, mushrooms (tons of veggies!) with a simple grilled skinless chicken breast. I'm telling you--America has really become a foodie nation, compared to 50 years ago! I am all about eating good food. That's one thing NOLA really impressed on me--the sanctity of good food. (And I'm not talking about all that ice cream I ate my last three weeks down there when I was very exhausted and had no more willpower.)

Six more regain pounds to go before I'm back to goal.

Yesterday's theme encored: Make good choices.

You are amazing in your ability to buckle down and move back toward goal!

Thank you, Liz!

Right now, things are working well for me. I'm very grateful to be in a good space to recover from my time in NOLA. I certainly don't regret having gone to NOLA for three months. There's so much I would never have learned or experienced that I loved. I wouldn't missed it for the world.

The older I get and the more time passes post-WLS the more deeply I understand the value and legitimacy of new beginnings. Things are NEVER going to stay the same. Things are never going to always be perfect. We are ALWAYS going to have to start anew. This is just another one of those new beginnings. As we all learned from "Groundhog Day"--repetition and redos aren't necessarily bad things.

188.4. This weight thing is so intriguing to me.

I will say I haven't been super hungry. Maybe just not enough space for food.

I just checked my patient portal, and during my last pregnancy I gained 6lbs. in the last 6 weeks, putting me at 194. Interestingly, if I gain 6lbs. in the last 6 weeks, I'll be about 194 again! However that is on my scale, and my doctor's scale (typically) weighs lower unless they use the evil scale. Regardless, I might finish at around the same weight as I did with Becca, which actually means I will have gained less this pregnancy. Woohoo! I started out "officially" at 160 with Becca and 168 this time. So if I do gain to 194 this time, I'll have gained 26lbs. total. Perfection!

Turns out these duplexes are going to be a bit of work. At least initially. Wowza we have a lot on our plate. Unfortunately the two people we were going to show them to were no shows. Bummer. But the nursery is finished painting and chair railing is up! (though I don't get people--we walked in and the chair railing was obviously not level. And yet he had a level out. So either he 1) didn't use it, 2) used it and hoped we wouldn't notice, or 3) doesn't know how to use a level??!!) Luckily I had an easy dinner for us last night--Pacific rim pork roast with mini peppers, rice, and a "slawsome" kit.

Busy busy week and I'm beginning to get more tired by the day. Tonight I have an Alumni Board members meeting so dinner of green curry chicken is in the crockpot. I have leftover rice from last night and will quickly add some green beans. Wednesday is Inn of Court Banquet so I will miss Becca again--but I think I'll shred the leftover pacific rim pork and add bbq sauce so hubby can have that. As much work as it is to cook, I just feel cruddy, physically and emotionally, when I eat out too often.

Well, Ocean Diane, thanks for the tip on the Four Tendencies. When I read about the Obliger, I felt so terribly disheartened and sad. I guess because it rang true. I have a hard time doing for me without some type of accountability. I did get an inkling that I have been engaging in some Obliger Rebellion when it comes to bill paying. It's been an on again off again thing for about a year, maybe even a bit longer.

Breeding really can be so stupidly stressful. Looks like Ella is getting only one shot with her betrothed. The stud owners have friends who suffered the horrible loss of their son yesterday through suicide. The stud owners are going to their friends to "pay respects". They will not be able to get the dog in for a collection today. I so understand, but there is the selfish part of me that thinks, "Oh great, all this waiting and all the planning and now this! UGH....." I am feeling stressed and disappointed. But there is still a chance that she'll get a nice litter from a single breeding today. Fingers crossed. Sigh...

Will have to ruminate a bit on why I feel down about the Obliger thing. Interesting reaction. Now to figure out what the reaction means....

That's interesting because I was ?hoping? to be an obliger. Like as I was taking the quiz I was thinking "I guess I'm just too good of a person to put myself first"! I hope you find answers. It's only a short quiz so it's probably not the be all end all. But since it rang true, it probably cannot hurt to investigate further. Maybe bring up with your counselor?

I didn't like it either! I think it makes me mad because it's as if my well-being is not enough of a reason to take care of myself. I need others input/accountability/praise/acknowledgement to make me do it. Why can't all that be self-contained instead of needing to get it from outsiders?

Knowledge is power. Knowing you work better with a coach is a great thing ! Seeing rebellion approaching builds in time to intervene/redirect !