04/09/19, Tuesday

1. Within Range: two pounds over
2. General Wellbeing: 7 on SS
3. 10,000+ Steps: 9577
4. Fitness: walking & yard work
5. Self-Care:
6. Play/Leisure: frolicking with dogs, reading
7. Intentions: Seek balance & relax, rejuvenate, & recalibrate !!

Diane.. it must be a Diane thing. I, too, checked in several times yesterday and was sure I had posted. Up four pounds overnight. As much as I know it is fluid, it hits me in the gut every time. Pre VSG and well into maintenance, I viewed my weight as a finite measure of my worth. Previously, if I was up four pounds overnight, I would immediately give up and believe if I was going to gain weight for no reason, I might as well enjoy the reason. Now, I look at trends, try to consider the big picture and try to roll with anomalies. Yes, Ann, observe and evaluate. For me, I have to add and respond appropriately. What am I going to do about it? What can I learn from this ? How can I grow in a healthier direction ?

Interesting thoughts about formerly MO individuals being self-care challenged. This makes so much sense. Years of struggling to believe I have worth, put my own needs way down on the priority list.

Calories 641 and I was not hungry! I think I'll weigh tomorrow and hope that I'm at least under 130. The last time I weighed was March 2 when I was 127 which was high enough but then the eating everything in sight happened for the next month.

I think that not only have many of us put self-care way down on the list but generally have placed others up much higher than ourselves (children, spouses, parents, friends, even pets). I have always been concerned about others, making sure they go to the doctor, eat properly, etc. But I would put care for myself off. Even if it didn't detract from my care for others! Somehow it always seemed too much to include myself. Intellectually I did understand that I was a better care giver if I took care of myself but not emotionally.

Not surprisingly that is what the Alzheimer's Caregiver Support groups are all about: The importance of taking care of ourselves. Many people break down as caregivers because of stress and deferred care. Which of course means they aren't as good at caregiving.

Today is a rainy day and we have a last dance tonight in the community center. People have started leaving and it accelerates from now until the end of May when all the snowbirds are gone. Hopefully DH can manage it - he was foggy, edgy and weepy yesterday. Not a good day... But I did sleep fairly well last night (as usually happens after several difficult nights), so hopefully I can be patient with him today.

Have a thoughtful Tuesday!

Weight: 143.0
Macros: Cals - 1,293, Carbs - 97, Fat - 33, Protein - 99, Fiber - 15
Sleep: 8 hours
Veggie/Fruit Servings: 4
Water glasses: 7
Exercise: 10,500 steps
Meditation: Yes

DianeO and Liz ... I'm right there re your thoughts about self-care and putting our needs first. After WLS, putting my needs first (before everyone else's, including those of family members, friends, pets and random strangers, was critical to my success. Now that I live alone and don't care daily for either people or animals, the challenge is more subtle. Now it's more about the tension between self-caring and self-calming, a topic that arose here yesterday.

Part of this challenge for me right now (not for anyone else or even my past self) is defining WHO I am now and HOW I want to live. As always, ME is a self-creation that involves self-talk, visualization, and consistent daily behaviors that create and strengthen neural pathways, as the current, popular model of behavioral change describes. I've observed that my self-evaluation is a more powerful reinforcer in this realm than others' opinions. That's not to say that the feedback my scales deliver isn't also powerful. ;)

Still, my thoughts influence actions, and actions are what deliver results. This week I'm going to start using a mantra to focus on what I want to achieve in the next few months: "I take good care of myself." It's not very sexy, but does address head-on the never-ending "How do I want to live?" question.

Today's theme/mantra: "I take good care of myself."

Session with shrink was good yesterday. Lots of good stuff to talk about because of Tiny Buddha article. As luck would have it, the work spurred by the Tiny Buddha article spilled over into real life last night.

My BFF had a crisis yesterday. It was a self inflicted crisis. He has anxiety and depressive issues which have been getting more severe over the past couple of years. He upped his meds at one point, but didn't like how that made him feel, so he reduced back down to the lesser dose. He also refuses to get help from a psychologist or psychiatrist. He has been getting more and more frustrated with the work the district is requiring of us and is stressed beyond a "rational" level. He completely lost it during a professional development a few weeks ago and I sat in on the meeting with is principal as a union rep. Then during spring break he lost it in an email with the HR person over a change in his medical coverage he did not approve. Superintendent has asked to meet with him regarding his email communication with the HR person. I decided I had no room in my emotional life to take this on, especially because it wasn't my issue. I could be supportive and I could be empathetic because I know his issues, but I CHOSE not to get sucked into his crisis. What a great feeling for me to be able to separate, step back and remove myself from his emotional roil. I was able to be kind and reflective and what I considered helpful by redirecting his focus to his actions rather than the why behind them. By being honest and removed I felt no real emotional investment or lack of control and did not feel inclined to "eat over it" as I might have in the past.

Tiny Buddha is a great blog site. I spent some time reading on it last night. I found another article about "Inner Bullies" that I book marked. I will read it again tonight and possibly a few more times to let that sink in, too.

I made a list and felt good about focusing on the list yesterday. I completed all but one item on the list. I think I may have let BFF's crisis interfere with that last little piece of my list, and I'm okay with that. I will make another list for today. I am committed to "listing" to help me focus on priorities. I shared my overall priority list with the shrink yesterday. She pointed out that there was not a single food related item on my list. WOW! The closest thing was an item on my daily self care of getting 8 glasses of water down the gullet.

I am now on the final countdown to sugar detox. I have my first weigh in with the trainer tonight. Clothed and after a day of eating and drinking.... ACK!

The dogs and I will take off for a weekend of Glamping at the show site tomorrow night. Much to do before then.

Devon, I am in AWE that you stepped back from your friend's issues out of respect for your own needs. That is frickin' AWESOME!

There are so many ways to tell someone "no." Some are graceful, some are respectful, some are destructive, etc. I sometimes hesitate to tell others no because I don't have enough skill in saying no gracefully.

Hi peeps!

I opted not to weight today after eating out twice yesterday (friend staying with me). I did bring a huge percentage of my dinner home with me as leftovers, but I still felt like the number would not be helpful to see.

Today I headed to the gynecologist to check my IUD. This one is still there, woohoo! She does want me to get an XRay just to confirm the other one isn't somewhere inside my abdomen (I guess they can expel into you elsewhere?). She's still surprised that I didn't feel it or see it go. Anyway, that'll be easy enough. Then as reward for braving the stirrups, I got my toenails done. There was a giant linebacker of a man in there with his tiny wife getting pedis together. Awfully cute.

Tonight I have dinner out again (argh) with girlfriends and then we are going to see the musical Cats. I think this is my 3rd or 4th time, but it should be fun!

Happy Tuesdays to all!

Greetings All

Late as usual and no weight. Had to leave early for DH eye doctor apt. Didn't learn much. They had taken some retina pictures only to call us in and tell us the pictures weren't good enough to tell much. Doctor didn't have any answers. But a retinal specialist comes up to our area every couple of months so DH has apt. I think DH is always going to have sort of crappy vision as he always has so we will plan accordingly. I think this doctor is a flake. Hope the retina guy is good. He will come up here but his office is in Santa Rosa about 200 miles away.

So I made an apt with my hand doctor. Will be the first road trip in the electric car. Needs much planning.

The book about aging that I am reading has lots about self care and choices. Might be good for a person of any age.

Yay glamping Peps. I am not doing those shows.

Made some expensive halibut last night. Fabulous. Must get more. Alaska caught.

Gallery this afternoon. Slow so I found chores and money things. Board meeting tomorrow night.

Still working on decluttering. I may have mentioned one of my mom's investment places sent me 20 pages of crap to tell me there was 50 cents in her account.

Got some things so I can do a little weeding in the front garden this weekend. Looking forward to it.

Diane S

Diane ... that's too bad about DH's continuing eye issues. I hope another doctor does a better job of sorting it all out.

I'd love to hear any specifics in that book you're reading that speak to you about women aging.

Finally, good luck with the hand doc. I also have that condition (can never remember the name of it). Fortunately, it's not a big deal at this point and seems to be progressing very slowly. You're my window on that situation, so I appreciate the observations you share.

Celebrating DH, today is his birthday. I celebrate the day he was born everyday! As Frank says, regrets, I've had a few... And I do have some, but in this part of my life I feel greatly blessed. He is smart, he is kind, and wickedly funny. My advice to anyone who asks is, marry someone who makes you laugh. So I did have a piece of birthday cake, and in a perverse way, I am happy to say, it made me feel queasy. After trying to eat primarily whole foods, maybe it's actually progress that at least my stomach can say no thanks, even if my head doesn't.