VSG Maintenance Group
Saturday, March 23rd
!!!!! Ya gotta love them, because Lord knows, ya can't change them.
on 3/23/19 3:33 pm, edited 3/23/19 8:34 am
Despite my secret eating, I never think to bring snacks or food with me when I leave the house or travel. Even when hiking I forget and then feel left out when everyone else is having their snacks.
At the trailhead yesterday there is an old general store called The Candy Store. They have candy (duh). So of course I didn't leave enough time for a normal breakfast yesterday and didn't bring a snack, so my 6:30 am protein shake didn't last very long. We stopped at the store at the end and I got a small bag of chocolate covered pretzels. My friend on the way home as I was eating them was quizzing me about my diet (I had mentioned the Keto book when I was avoiding movie popcorn). Honestly based on her tone, I felt judged when I knew having had a 160 calorie shake and having burned 1300 according to my watch meant a handful of chocolate pretzels were just fine. I felt like I was expected to explain my behavior and choices to someone who is not my keeper. When will I learn not to talk about food or what I'm eating or doing with others? My therapist says I need to be more vulnerable with people, but this is what happens when you open up! Chocolate pretzel judgment and food policing!
Especially puzzling when this was related to hiking -- you are not alone in having some candy (even a lot of candy) on/after a hike. I would feel judged, too.
I have noticed, tho, that some people aren't sensitive about food comments like I am. I'm hoping that it was less judgement and more idle chit chat that from a person who didn't consider how painful it might be for the other person.
HW:361 SW:304 (VSG 12/04/2014)Mo 1:-32 Mo 2:-13.5 Mo 3: -13.5 Mo 4 -9.5 Mo 5: -15 Mo 6: -15 Mo 7: -13.5 Mo 8: -17 Mo 9: -13 Mo 10: -12.5 11/3/2015 Healthy BMI Reached! Mo 11: -9 Mo 12: -8 12/27/2015 Goal Weight Reached!
Good Lord, why do so many people want to "help" when no help is asked for. Shel, in your Mom's case, this need to control and obsess about your food intake, my stars that must be exhausting for her as the obsessive one, and you the recipient. Love is so complicated. Dysfunctional love, words fail me.
And yes Cecily, you can eat whatever you damn want. It's nobodies business but yours.
Having grown up in a household and extended family that publicly concerned themselves about my weight, I honestly don't think it's exhausting for them at all. I think it fills them with self righteous energy to comment on someone's eating, body size, a outward appearance. My observation on based on my history.
First and of utmost importance is this:
Had a quick cyber chat with Ann on Friday. She is doing well, but still more than busy. She will be driving home next Saturday and says she is more than ready to go home to MO. She is currently cramming for her French finals and is busy with pre wedding celebrations for a wedding she will miss next Saturday while she is driving home. She appreciates our good wishes and that we are thinking of her.
On day 23 of the creeping crud I went to see my most wonderful doctor. I am now on 500 mg amoxicillin every 12 hours and a new to me drug called benzonatate for the cough. 2 doses of the amoxicillin and 24 hours later and I'm already feeling better. The benzonatate seems to work really well, too, and I'm not loopy like when I take the codeine cough syrups that don't do that much for the cough anyhow. So, that's me on the medical front.
I have done my fair share of secret eating. As a matter of fact, thinking about it today after reading the posts, I think I still do some secret eating, though it's not like it was in the past. Now it's simply withholding of information about what I eat rather than eating in seclusion. I am less inclined to see eating in seclusion as an eating in secret thing as what I do. What I do is hide the EVIDENCE of eating. I try very hard to NOT do that anymore, but every so often I will find myself doing it. I try to be very open with Ron about my eating and will leave my "non nutritional" purchases on the kitchen counter in full view for him to see.
Lots going on in my old head this week about food, my disordered eating, and the dissonance caused by how I feel inside and how I look on the outside. More to come....
