Wednesday, March 13, 2019

Weight ? Calories?

Sorry I have been MIA. I've had a stream of company but I'm using it as an excuse to stop weighing, tracking, posting and reading on OH. Not good. I'm afraid to step on the scale. I KNOW I'm up because my clothes are feeling snug and I feel fat. I need to get control.

First youngest DD was here for a week, DSD for a weekend, and now DS is here until tomorrow. Other SIL arrives Tuesday for 12 days and finally BIL for 11 days beginning Easter. So I need to stop using company as an excuse. This has also historically been my down time as it is the anniversary of my oldest DD's last few weeks.

Something to ponder that bothered me recently: A friend had a man visit who I'm positive I've met in the past. When I mentioned that we had met, he replied no and that he would remember meeting a beautiful woman like me. So a piece of me took that as a compliment, but mostly my reaction was that I apparently wasn't noteworthy enough to remember previously! In other words, if I'm not slim I'm invisible. Hmmm...

Have a winning Wednesday!

Liz, I'm glad you are back. I am also really glad you have been enjoying your family. I can't imagine the bittersweet heartache as you remember your DD's last few weeks. You will click back into your better habits. They are there, ready to be pulled back on.

I constantly see people at work who met me one time years ago and then get re-referred back to me. I have been many sizes. I'm ok with the visual shock and the person needing to take a moment to process that I am 200 lbs lighter. But, hoo-boy, do people say really inappropriate things. On rare occasion, the comments are simply cruel, leaving me in cesspool of shame. And then I have to move on to the next 30 minutes of "helping" this evil thing sitting across from me. Yech, even typing that makes me feel tainted.

My Keto-style diet is going ok. I am not strict but I know it is enough because my appetite (both real and imagined) is suppressed. My fasting hikes are going ok, too. I deliberately eat more carbs on the weekend because both the bullet proof guy and the uphill athletes think it is a good idea to cycle the diet but for different reasons. The extra weekend carbs are mostly whole food variety....last weekend it was lentils and sweet potatoes and plenty of both.

Enjoy the day! Shel

Hi Liz! Good to see you! And boy do I relate to what you say about company and excuses. Of course I'm currently pregnant (haha, nothing like starting with the biggest excuse of all) but I can easily turn EVERYTHING into an excuse. Ex: today was really rainy. Good potato soup day. Plus grilled cheese? And my MIL is leaving so I really should make some sort of dessert "for her."

But I also think it does get easier to eat better as the days grow longer and food is fresher.

On the weight shock. I guess it confirms everything I always knew about it, so I'm sort of grateful. Now most people don't even know that I was ever overweight. Others avoid that topic like the plague. At my 10 year HS reunion I had one boy come up to me and go on an on about how fantastic I looked. I really appreciated it! I guess my version of your shock is when I hear people talking about overweight people and saying something insensitive (because they don't know I'm "one of them"). I'm simultaneously disgusted and yet relieved that I'm not fighting that losing battle anymore. It's a sad state that people feel the way they do about weight. I wish to God I could change people's perceptions. And maybe in a small way I do change perceptions, one at a time. FWIW, I don't think they always intend it hatefully. Human nature? Ignorance?

187.6

So yesterday's ob appointment they wrote down 182 (but the scale went down to 181!). Wow it weighs lighter than my home scale! So I'd gained 6lbs. in a month, which I think for this point is right on track. I'm also 6lbs. heavier than I was at the same point in Becca's pregnancy, and I started out at least 6lbs. heavier this time. So I'm feeling fairly at ease right now. Comfort in the way we eat is...so scary, isn't it? When I begin to feel comfortable, my alarm bells go off. I obviously want to be comfortable and confident in my eating. Isn't that the self-actualization, shan-gri-la of weightlossdom? But I truly don't think I ever fully can.

Doctor even commented that my "weight gain is perfect." Wow! Never have those words ever been spoken before!

Very rainy morning meant a wrestless Nugget and I woke up at 4:30. I'm already feeling tired :( Daycare is going well but I'm feeling quite overwhelmed and not sure what to do about it. She's beginning to test her limits (like climbing up on stuff...which means endless telling her "no" sternly or her falling down and crying) and at the end of the day I'm already tired and just want to enjoy her. She's cranky, I'm cranky. And then I feel bad that the few precious moments of the day I get with her are spent wishing they'd be over. Yesterday I turned my eyes for TWO SECONDS and she pulled down a jelly bean dish. Glass everywhere. I was able to sweep up the glass but did not have enough time to vacuum it up. THANK GOD for amazing husbands. I was feeling really down on myself. Like WHY CAN'T I EVEN PUT IN A LOAD OF LAUNDRY WITHOUT MY BABY POTENTIALLY GETTING INJURED AND/OR MAKING A BIGGER MESS?!! I was also down on myself for feeling at my rope's end. But Rich swooped in and I was able to tidy up and start laundry and pick up the kitchen, etc. Those things make me feel so accomplished and I took them for granted before having a baby! Idk why I mention these things here. Just I guess I think it's pretty normal to feel overwhelmed even by things we "shouldn't". And putting all this pressure on ourselves is not healthy. And in people like me, it may lead me to make excuses to overeat or think I'm unworthy, etc. etc.

This is all normal! Mom-work is overwhelming. Obligatory call out that it is high reward in hindsight, but you know that.

Liz... It is wonderful to hear your voice. You have been missed and thought of often !

So great to see you back, Liz! I know that feeling of not wanting to participate when you're not doing what you know you should be doing. I'm right there with you ostriching right now. It's hard to say I'm screwing up and I know it, but I can't make myself fix it, especially when we're never all in the same frame of mind at the same time. But we've all been at every stage of the cycle, so at least everyone here understands what frame you're in at any given time.

Weight ?

I need to get on the scale again. And stop eating the crap I let back in. My food behavior is back to my pattern of feast or famine - really good or really bad. No in between. I need to find my in between. Has anyone seen it laying around?

Back to the gym today. It's been hard the last several times. I feel weaker. It started with the "great flood of 2019" and the resulting mild anemia and has been exacerbated by the crap food that I turned to in my despair of the great flood. Ugh.

Fergus has the poops and has gotten me up multiple times to go out the last two nights, bless his little soul. I need to go clean up the backyard . He didn't eat breakfast and I gave him an anti-diarrhea pill this morning. The odd thing is, his daytime poops are fine. Maybe we'll hold off on food today and try again tomorrow. He otherwise is in fine spirits. His mama is tired...

Hope you all have a good Wednesday!

I think I see your in-between lying on my kitchen counter. But, it is hard to tell because there is so much other stuff on it.

It is tough to be a dog-mom, too! Yech. I'm glad he is feeling good.

Greetings All

Weight 157. Not liking that as I prepare to head off to dog shows with an appropriate amount of junk food to eat while traveling. I picked up a jar of peanut butter pretzels at the store and had it in my cart for awhile but then put it back. No need to go there.

Liz, its good to hear from you. Guests and events can be the worst thing for weight control. Remember its about the company, not the food. Hope you are enjoying all your family and events and that your DH gets a lift from it too. Check in when you can.

Gosh Shel, I never thought about how often you would have to see a person from the heavier past. Makes sense. And yeah, you can hardly say something snotty to the unkind remarks. Just tell yourself this person is a mental cripple and move on. Easy for me to say. Ok, just go to your happy place in the redwoods where you will soon be.

BB congrats on having your baby weight where it should be. Once Becca is in high gear toddling you will run off any extra calories. Glad your DH is pitching in. He has seen this movie before.

OceanD continue to enjoy your bit of heaven. What a great idea you had to go there.

Not much else other than to finish packing up and get moving. Need to clean out my purse ad it tends to gain weight over time.

Diamond glad you are going to Ireland. We went there a few years ago. Wish we had spent more time in Dublin - a very cool city. The countryside was impressive as were the famine houses which I didn't know about. Fabulous country.

More coffee and then I get to work. Diane S

One woman was going thru the usual "I can't believe...." which is easy to tune out. But, then she topped it with "You are so much happier skinny!" I wanted to say I was just as *****y as ever and **** off.

That said, 98% of my work encounters are lovely! I really do love my job because of the people I see and work with.

I nearly spat out my mouthful of tea reading this Shel - ha ha ha