Wednesday, February 27, 2019

Weight 127.6. Too many pounds and calories.

How can I be the first one posting at 11:13?

DH went to daycare okay yesterday and hopefully will tomorrow as well. SIL and I are planning to go to Sarasota if we can get him there early enough. Cross your fingers.

BTW, it's all much safer now, but do any of you remember one of the first IUDs called a Dalkon Shield? Lots of damage to female reproductive anatomy due to infection, which resulted in a large class action suit. It is the reason my younger children came through adoption. By the time we received some damage money DD and DS had already arrived so the proceeds just made us a bit more whole (though not 100%). DH called our inground pool the Dalkon Shield pool. Most people didn't get that...

Have a wonderous Wednesday!

It's only 8 something here! East coast slackers

Weight 173 Considering I didn't eat a lot yesterday, I'm going to say the extra weight is excess trauma and exhaustion!

I got some great news yesterday! My Dad had an excellent 3 month scan at Mayo. Lymph nodes are still shrunken and no visible lesions in his bladder. So no treatments now and he goes back in 3 months. His oncologist was super excited saying he might be one of the 12-15% that makes it. But being a very blunt guy (which my Dad loves) he also said he might not, so continue to live life to the fullest. Great, if blunt, advice!

Today I have my rescheduled hair appointment, my trainer and Pilates if I have any energy left. I know the IUD doesn't stop periods immediately, so happy coincidence that mine seems to be somewhat over. (Knock on wood lest I jinx myself) Hallelujah!

Happy hump day to all!

I am without power today at school. Storm last night downed a power pole across a major throughway. Took me forever to get here - over an hour to go 7 miles. Thank goodness for late starts on Wednesdays!

Weight is stable, but too high.

I have almost finished the Keto book. I think it is doable, but I am resistant. Carbs, like cigarettes, and I have been a close friends for years. It is always tough to say goodbye to a longtime friend, even if it is only for a little while. I will feel sad, alone, and comfortless without my friend. I am not loving this whole emotional part of the weight journey. Frankly, it sucks and in a way it's slightly embarrassing. But, this is my truth and if I can't be honest here after all this time, well, that would just be plain sad, right? The more I give voice to my fears, the more compassion I seem to have for myself.

Off to yard duty!

I understand the sense of loneliness. It also remains a true mystery to me why some days I can be carb sober, so to speak, with little effort, and other times it seems like the most impossible task ever asked of me. Right now, eating lower carb is surprisingly doable. This go round, I am embracing the good fat concept more than before, so that could be helping.

Yep - isn't it weird how those carbs can be easy to avoid one minute and cants be resisted another?

I understand it. Food was my best friend most of my life and I'm not talking chicken and vegetables. It's hard to replace those feelings of comfort and companionship with other things and people.

Liz, I do remember the Dalkon Shield IUD. In retrospect, when they showed images of it on the news, it looked vicious. So sorry to hear you were one of those harmed.

Cecily, great news about your Dad! The advice your Dad's doctor gave him is good for us all! My DH's mother died very suddenly and unexpectedly shortly after her 60th birthday, leaving my FIL a widower at 59. He never recovered, and died in part, of a broken heart 3 years later. DH is turning 59, and we are discussing the fragility of life with some frequency this year. Trying to find that balance between live for the moment vs. Being prudent in case we are fortunate enough to reach old age ....

I had my tooth implant screw procedure yesterday. First they put the screw in your jaw, then let the bone grow around it for 4 months before they attach the "tooth"'. The procedure, while not necessarily painful once three gallons of novacaine were administered (took awhile to get me fully numb), was pretty high on the misery scale. I hate, hate, sedation and usually wake up crying, but about halfway through I began to wonder if I should have gone that route. I'm fine now, sore, but controlled with Tylenol. And the final indignity, I was up almost 2 pounds, despite very limited food yesterday. I'm sure it's from swelling, and water retention and will go away soon.

Looking out the window at all the snow, and dreaming of March 24, when we return to Florida for a week.

That sounds like torture! The Dalkon Shield thing was no big deal ultimately as we still were able to have the family we wanted.

I have a good friend who just had an implant done. She's at the same stage as you. Sounds miserable, but the results are worth it!

Forgot to weigh this morning. By then my hair was wet and I worried it would be "water weight." Crazy!

Peps-you really got me to thinking yesterday (again!). I do feel upset that losing weight is harder for me. At the very least, I feel that it's more difficult for me to stay on track---not for lack of discipline in the traditional sense, but in possibly an addict/diet ADHD/who knows way. Does that make any sense. There are a few possibilities here. One: my metabolic/biochemical/food allergy/gut "brain"/some other phenomenon that hasn't been found yet actually means I'm programmed to be at a higher weight. I still believe this one to a large extent. The playing field has leveled quite a bit since adulthood but as a child I seemed to gain weight while my peers could eat endlessly and not gain. And I like this option because it makes me out to be least "responsible". But I'm also willing to buy into the "more difficult" theory as well. Maybe I do eat more or exercise less. But maybe all day every day I'm battling sugar demons more than you could imagine. It's not so simple for me. Yes I eat more than you but I guarantee you that it's more of a struggle for me to even eat this amount than it is for you.

I think there's kind of a scale of why people are overweight with poor metabolism at one end of the spectrum, laziness/slothfulness at the other end, and a complex "it's harder"/"addict brain" more in the middle. I still see myself toward the metabolism end but I'm okay with thinking maybe i don't think or fight the same way.

Unfortunately I don't know what to do about that information. And, actually, the sad reality about buying into the metabolic side of the debate is that you are really pretty helpless. My solution was to make my stomach smaller but beyond that, I can only eat so little. At least if I thought it was entirely laziness, there's a complete cure!

Cecily-glad you got in, but gosh so scary. Don't think I'll be going that route. Scaredy cat here.

Liz-hope you make it to Sarasota and glad daycare is going well for your DH

I had one heck of an anxiety attack? last night at the grocery store. I've never experienced anything like it and I'm pretty upset with myself for it happening because WTH? Things were going fine. But I suppose it was a "straw that broke the camel's back." I've been having all sorts of trouble trying to get Becca's cake made. I was perturbed when they upped the price based on "customizations" (by quite a bit) and then called other bakery and they wanted me to put down deposit before telling me whether they could do it or the price (and were extremely rude) so went back to first bakery prepared to pay higher price and they said I'd have to come back during the daytime when decorators were there. I think that was start of anxiety. I've now spent so much time on this. It shouldn't be this hard. I shouldn't need to leave work to place a cake order!! So then I went about my grocery shopping (rush hour, pre-impending ice-storm, mind you) and I had trouble even understanding my grocery list or how to accompli**** It wasn't even Becca's fault; she was a jewel! I was on the verge of hyperventilating. To make matters worse, I picked up dinner and forgot to tell them to leave the sauce off DH's sandwich--he tried to be polite about it but I felt so overhwhelmed yesterday. And silly stuff!! The cake and party is for fun. Why does it have to be so stressful? Thinking about maybe getting a generic sheetcake now or something.

Feeling much better today despite weird conditions. Icy outside, scared to slip. Becca is apparently throwing up and trying to decide whether I need to go get her. But I'm managing much better today, thank God!