Tuesday, January 22, 2019

Weight 123.2, calories 933. I am going to try a Mississippi pot roast in the Instant Pot today. I need to have some good veggies with it.. Broccoli maybe?

Diane, I hope DH is even more improved and is sleeping well in the recliner. I never slept in one even after PS because I think I would feel confined, but mostly because I never had one at home to try...

Devon, definitely do pass on your thoughts about motivation to lose weight, as I am obviously struggling to get back to my previous weight range. I've been having the same problems Ann is discovering in NOLA when in a "vacation" spot and I've got it year round.

Cecily, I'm so excited about your cruise. Can I come vicariously? I should put some goblet squats into my routine. Wait! I should have a routine in addition to walking. When we were first here I would do sit-ups, push-ups, etc. and also bought a big ball to sit on and work my core. I never blew it up and that stuff plus the mat have been gathering dust this year.

Our neighbor came home yesterday with fulltime care after 2 months in the hospital, then rehab. He is in his nineties and the sweetest man you could ever meet. He really wanted to be home and his closest neighbors who have become his family (he doesn't have anyone else) made it happen. Such good people!

Yesterday it was too cool to do anything but walk, but today should be warmer. I'm thinking it might be a pool day.

Have a thinking Tuesday!

Weight 176.2 Two days in a row. Progress!

Sitting on the plane! My anxiety had me here super early, but that made everything less stressful.

I'll try to post pictures and not eat too much!!

Wish you all could come with me...

Bon voyage! Have a great time, and DO post pictures. :)

Have a hoot of a time Cec :) Cant wait to hear all about it

Wish we could all come too - imagine the fun he he he

Greetings Tuesday Marvels

155 today. Not cool. Dinner last night was a bit of a very expensive grass fed rib eye steak. Rationalized to up DH iron intake. It was so good but I couldn't eat the portion I served myself. More tonight.

Yeah, must be hard when you live in a vacation town and there are great food opportunities everywhere. Thats a lot of what vacations are about. But then again we sort of live in a tourist spot. There are good restaurants here but they are not grabbing you daily. Maybe its because we are sort of home bodies and don't go out that much. But every day I drive by the crab shack to see if its open yet. The season has started but recent days the weather was so horrible that most boats didn't go out.

Liz nice that your neighborhood is looking after your elderly neighbor. What a great place. And Cecily I hope you can post your adventures. We love hearing about everyones travels; NOLA, glamping, heavyweight hikes etc.

My travel adventure for the day will be playing Scrabble by the fire. Hope I can win at least one game against these sharks.

DH is slowly recovering. He sleeps in our bed at night and spends most of the day in the recliner. He is not supposed to lift much of anything but I got him folding some clothes and he is on dog feeding duty. I have to take all the squeaky toys away while DH naps.

Its sunny and calm outside. Life is good.

I have been thinking about why I want to lose weight. Its kind of like asking why I breathe. But actually it comes down to having been a chubby kid, I always felt like an outsider, fat not being the only reason, and somehow I feel like being slim makes me more accepted. When I was at goal weight I somehow felt more acceptable. Yet I know no one else cares about 20 pounds so why should I. Oh well. that's it. Diane S

Glad DH is on the mend Diane :) Enjoy scrabble by the fire - sounds lovely

I don't think you're off base noting that being thinner equals more acceptance. I've always been pretty friendly, but the world has turned a kinder face towards me since I lost over 100 pounds. It is something I've tusseled with: oh, NOW you want to talk to me... how much is because I feel more acceptable vs. how much is because I am more acceptable in my thinner body.

Oh, my cold and my scale have a very positive relationship. Happy with that plus side of having a cold!

Bon Voyage, Cecily! Hope you keep us posted with lots of pics and reports!

I wrote on and off all day yesterday. I found that I avoided the work, which was telling in itself. I'd write. I'd take a break. I'd write a little more and take another break. The closer I got to some deeper meaning the less I was able to focus. I was tenacious though, and kept at it. I finally finished up this morning. Instead of insightful notes, I ended up with a 700 word narrative. I guess I think better in complete, and admittedly complex, ideas.

Below are a few excerpts from my writing. I think these get to the meat of the issue.

For some reason I believe that desires linked to vanity are wrong, bad, dangerous. Wrong because I should be more intellectual and logical in my desire to be attractive. Bad because a focus on my looks and appearance means I am vain and self centered, and driven by those traits. Dangerous because there lies a fear that I would be promiscuous to prove to myself that I was desirable, if I were thin and lean and built.

There is a shame that comes with obesity. It is quietly subtle, lying just below the surface of consciousness waiting. Waiting to be summoned to remind me that I am of lesser value, that I am slothful, self indulgent, and that I could not be of of interest to anyone that I find highly desirable all because I am fat. Being fat lessens my intelligence because a truly smart person would not be fat.

The reasons I want to be thin are steeped in shame and insecurity. I need to spin those feelings in to positive statements. I want to be proud of the image I present to the rest of the world. I want to feel that I have control of my weight and that my weight does not control me. Actually, it's not even so much about the weight controlling me, it's about the eating. Losing weight will help me feel in control of my eating. I want to practice eating in a way that supports my health, optimal body size, and lessens my reliance on addictive behaviors to cope with my emotions. I want to feel good about moving my body through space and I want to see photos and videos of myself that don't embarrass and upset me because the me I see doesn't match the me I feel inside.

I think an extremely tough thing for me to do is to let go and admit how terribly painful being fat has been. How much being fat has made me feel less than - less desirable, less intelligent, less valuable, less productive. By losing weight and learning to eat to support a healthy, fit, physically attractive me I will be proving to myself that those beliefs are not my truth. They belong to someone else. Those falsehoods were whispered into my soul and became mine, but they are lies. I am not undesirable, unintelligent, of lesser value or lazy. I spent so much time stewing in the gift of someone else's skewed reality, I adopted, cultured and nurtured those negatives as my personal truth. I want to discover the real truth about who I am and of what I am capable.

That in a nutshell is the work I've been doing the past 24 hours between hacking and snotting and shivering and napping! I'm not kidding, I got home from running a few errands and took to my bed yesterday!

How I wish I had taken my Dayquil before leaving for school today. All I really want to do now is go home and sleep. Glad it's a cold and not the flu.

Good Morning All, Super tired this am after Round 1 of Harry Potter show last night with my stepdaughter but it was worth every moment. I loved spending quality time with her after she only recently came back into our lives. Cherish the moment and making memories moving forward. Got to bed close to 1am (on a school night).

Rinse and repeat for tonight - with the second part of the theatre show. She is catching train into city after her work as am I. Here is a picture prior to it starting.

About to run Bella to the vet for her results and check up - crossing fingers and toes they got all the cancer

Will pop back later

Liz - how lovely of your neighbours to give an older man his wish of coming home. There are still good people in this crazy world x

Shirley

How wonderful to have this special time with your stepdaughter! Enjoy it and nurture it!

I have been a stepmother for over 37 years but until the last 5 or so mine was barely in our lives. In the early years she came for regular visitation and we had some good times but I was careful not to be too close because her mother had some issues. Over time we saw her less and less as an adult, maybe once a year. But 7-8 years ago I reached out to her about getting together more at a time when she was apparently struggling (so she tells me now). A few years later her mother cut her and several other family members off and we have gotten very close since then. Now she is a true daughter to DH and I. So it is NEVER too late!