Friday, December 28, 2018

Weight: 136.8
Macros: Calories - 1,637, Carbs - 114, Fats - 57, Protein - 122, Fiber - 33
Sleep hours: 7
Vegetable/Fruit Servings: 5
Water glasses: 1
Exercise: None
Meditation: Yes

As was obvious from yesterday's post, I am feeling angry and frustrated. I'm going to have to be careful not to let those emotions bleed into social situations, because I'm certainly not angry at anybody, including myself or my eye doctors - just frustrated at what's on my plate at the moment (eye surgery on hold, holiday stress, missing my husband, and some pre-trip and relocation anxiety).

After my husband died, it was important to me NOT to use any mood-altering drugs to dull my pain. My reasoning was that my grieving process would be more complete and, in the long run, faster if I felt all the pain as it swept over me. Turns out that terrible pain is an anodyne that can dull other feelings, like anger. So now I get to experience anger and whatever else comes up after that.

I hate to use this tired phrase, but it is what it is. That means it's time to go back to basics: breathe in and breathe out, sit with my discomfort - feel my new feelz, be grateful for my very many blessings, and try not act like a boring drama queen.

Today's very busy. I'll be pre-paying some utilities and suspending others, forwarding mail, etc. I have my monthly hair color/cut appointment today. And I'll be buying more laundry baskets, since I cleaned out Walmart yesterday. I hope they've restocked.

Today's theme: As it always has been, one day at a time.

Weight 122.8, calories 802. Weight slowing sinking but I expect it to get stuck at around 122 which seems to be the recent pattern. I really need to get strict with myself for a few good weeks to get under that now.

Ann, I do think after the extreme anguish at losing a loved one we can become numb. That bothered me (especially with the kids when it was hard to experience joy with them) but I think it was a protective feature I needed. When the feelings came back they did seem very extreme, but at least they did come back. It is best IMO to just work through them. Btw, I did some group support and went to a therapist for help too.

I talked to my brother and found out that his long term girlfriend just had a mastectomy for breast cancer. The prognosis is good, but she is working through chemo now. My step DD's best friend had a double mastectomy just before Christmas at the age of 47. Is there a lot more breast cancer now or are we getting better at catching it? It seems like a large percentage of my Florida walking group has experienced it (and some of you). Just seems like the percentages are higher lately?

DH did well with the funeral yesterday but was a zombie afterwards. Amazing how they can rise to the occasion but then crash afterwards.

Today I get the stitches where my scars were modified removed. I sure hope they heal nice and smooth this time. After that I am meeting some childhood friends for lunch.

One last funny thing: The cat and dog have been chasing each other in play the last couple of days (not like the initial dog chase cat scenario). The cat starts, then it reverses, then reverses back. LOL!

Have a funny Friday!

Happy birthday, Cecily ! Love and hugs to all who are struggling. Went to the ER yesterday (PCP on vacation) because redness was spreading. They added Bactrim to my repertoire, and have me doing a compression dressing to reduce the scarring they anticipate (3" x 7" area). Several hours later DC' catheter junction valve cracked, leaking urine over everything. Four loads of laundry and numerous repair attempts later, we packed bags and adult diapered our two hour drive to the VA hospital where he had his urethral reconstruction, hoping they would remove catheter 12 hours early. No go, surgeon wants to remove it himself today, but they did have the equipment and knowledge to repair it enough to make it until appointment.

What a time for an arm infection! You need 8 healthy arms, not one!

Oh, Diane, I'm so sorry for all those medical and travel hassles -- yours and Chuck's! So very sorry you have to deal with all that.

Oh boy - you have had a tough go of it!

Sorry about everything! Is cellulitis something to which you are prone, or have you just been "Lucky"? All kidding aside, I'm sorry that you are going through the cellulitis again. I understand it is painful.

Big hugs on the catheter malfunction. Been there! Poor Ron was devastated. Didn't bother me, but he was horribly embarrassed. I fixed it with a binder clip. Teacher ingenuity!

Hope it goes well today for the removal.

So far, cellulitis has been limited to the two limbs previously involved in DVT damage. The permanent vascular damage due to a bolld thrombosed clot can make it easier to get cellulitis. A notebook binder to fix a bag ! Should have known !

Good morning,

Hugs to you, Ann. I don't (yet) have that experience so no words of wisdom. Just Hugs. Paula, I have been thinking of you, too, during this time. Hugs to you, too! Hopefully the new year brings your girlfriends back. I was going to say that the winter thaw is just around the corner, but, well, you live in Wisconsin. ;)

Liz, the breast cancer rate 10 years ago was 1 in 8 and it looks like it is still 1 in 8. I always felt that by taking the hit, I threw a cancer-free cloak over 7 other women.

Cecily, that sounded like a great birthday. Diamond, I appreciate your wisdom! DianeS, what a great job passing those goodies on. And Peps! 2 lbs off! Nicely done.

Have a terrific day!

Shel

I guess it is because I am older so I meet more women who have been that 1 in 8. Really a tough statistic but at least the treatments/cure rates seem to have improved over the years.