12/26/18, Wednesday

Weight 178.2 I knew I should have filled in that food hole with something other than food!

Worked out again today and most of the time my trainer and I were the only ones in there. So nice to not worry about looking weak or stupid!

Tomorrow is my 47th birthday. I'm getting my hair done, have a therapy appt and a friend is taking me out to dinner at a neat Cuban restaurant. Should be a good day!

Happy early birthday, Cecily! I'm glad you were able to enjoy your workout. As tough as it is to change your thinking about how you appear to others at the gym, remember pretty much everyone is so focus on what they themselves are doing that they don't have time to consider whether you look weak or stupid! I am trying to remember that, too, as I get ready to embark on my first travel trailer trip. I am worried about backing up, but I'm practicing my "I don't care what other people think" attitude.

I felt in control of most parts of my life up until the 22nd. It's been a free for all since then. I tried to scale back on my entertaining expectations, and my family really stepped up. My husband's family (our family, I love them) seemed to really enjoy and appreciate our Christmas Eve traditions. It was the first year we have had all the nieces and nephews in a long time. But my joy was muted. I will spend some time reflecting on I am over hosting vs. The gift I am giving people I love. Which side will I come down on? Is there anything else I can pare off? Should we just have pizza and wine? Can someone else host?

Christmas was spent at my parents home. My Mom is in the middle of chemo so we didn't plan a dinner. I just packed up all the Christmas Eve food, and we snacked. And snacked. We are home again, and now, finally starting to relax. I've turned down all invitations for tomorrow.

I'm tired. Also blessed. There are a lot of people in my life who I love and who love me. I am daughter, mother, wife, aunt, sister...And loved by someone in all those roles.

Finally, why do I keep eating? Not enjoying it anymore. I'm done for tonight, and tomorrow I will begin with protein, and delicious whole foods and begin to reset. Thank heavens! I am looking forward to some eggs.