12/26/18, Wednesday

1. Within Range: yes
2. General Wellbeing: 6 and rising, on SS
3. 10,000+ Steps: less than 1,000
4. Fitness:
5. Self-Care: taking care of burn
6. Play/Leisure:
7. Intention: Finish 2018 the way I intend to start 2019.

Yesterday was the most joyless Christmas I've had, and I lost sight of the fact that I own my happiness.. the control button is in my hands. It hit me, double barrels, that moving 4+ hours from "home" meant that I was no longer a short drive from my girls when they were in town. Last year, our first year out here, we'd had the puppy a week, and we had our hands and lives full ... I didn't have time to start down the half empty road. The brief mid-way gathering in Syracuse seemed okay for a year. Not so much for two. I'm reasserting control of my own destiny, and will use the next year to forge new traditions. I'll explore how increasing emphasis when I see the girls during the year can help me balance out my expectations during the holidays.

Cellulitis and infection are responding to medications, two more sleeps with DC's bag, and I didn't go above my range ...trifecta for sure ! I noted many of us recently navigated challenging charted and uncharted waters, and stayed the course. That is life and maintenance. Off to make the next six days count, in ending 2018 the way I want to begin 2019.

Dave, please check in and let us know how you are doing ! You are missed !

Weight unknown

Diane O.-I am so sorry to hear about your Christmas. I hope you begin to feel healthier. And I think your comment that we are in charge of our own destiny is a good reminder for us all.

Merry December, everyone! I was glad to read about everyone's nice gatherings of family and sorry to hear about some disappointments too. I feel like I should mostly state how nice everything was. Christmas Eve we took Becca to the nursery at church and then proceeded with my sister and nieces--one sitting on DH's lap and him helping guide her through the carols (she's 6). I took over appetizers which was hugely important since it's hard to get dinner heated and on the table after church. The girls were well-behaved if not anxious to get on with present-opening. turns out that my stepkids called when we were in church and were already on their way back from their moms and were hoping to join us--so of course! Mom's table was beautiful, the food was good. We had ham, macaroni and cheese, Arkansas green beans, glazed carrots, rolls, pink fluff, and cookies. Becca stole the show...for me, at least. Peps is so right about how fun it is to have a baby at Christmastime! She opened her presents first because we thought she'd conk out, but then we had the benefit of watching her play with them the whole time! The nieces were so sweet with their thank-yous. DSD and DSS stayed over on Christmas Eve(!). We waited until Becca was up from her morning nap to do Christmas. I had cinnamon rolls (from freezer) ready for gift-exchanging and Santa between the 5 (!) of us. And afterwards we enjoyed an overnight breakfast casserole and fruit salad.

So the reflection...do we all do this? Is this healthy? I kind of do a "post mortem" after any big event that I host--parties, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. Part of it is an attempt to do better next time. But I wonder if I just set expectations impossible to meet? And if that's the case, then what's the best antedote? Up until Christmas morning, everything went pretty well with the exception that I'd tried to make microwave pralines while getting ready and nearly burned up the microwave. And we were rushed to church. But otherwise it was all nice and stressful but manageable. yesterday I had family over at 4:30. We had a ham and had brined a turkey. Okay. Yesterday I also made a jello salad, broccoli salad, glazed carrots, mashed potatoes. I didn't get to relax and enjoy Becca's company, or really anyone's company. Well that's not totally true--my stepkids were very helpful in getting ready and I think they actually appreciate now that they're in the "inner circle" to be able to help so much in some small way. And my aunt and I had some time cleaning up, etc. My original dinner for 10 turned into a dinner for 15. And of course I wanted to use my new table (which can fit 14! but not 15 we found out!) and my china. Luckily china goes into dishwasher but in all my life I can never find a way to minimize mess/clutter when hosting. Of course I could do some things like: paper plates, disposable foil containers. And maybe that would help. But I still always feel overwhelmed and like it's hard to enjoy and then I'm disappointed that I didn't crack the code. Not sure what to do about it because I think that's just me. I fully really enjoy collecting pretty dishes and setting my table early and thinking up the fun menus. That IS the fun for me. But gosh I wish I could be part of the party too or learn how to not care if it gets done tomorrow. I just can't stand leaving a kitchen dirty.

I mention all this because it sounds like maybe we all do this in one way or another to some extent or another. It's hard not to build up Christmas in our minds. The good news is that, for me personally, I typically look back on it pretty fondly. I quickly forget the chaos and the dirty dishes and I know that this Christmas will be extremely memorable and it went very very well. My mom praised me for the gift I gave my guests yesterday by hosting (she really is the sweetest and best mom) and truly I think we all gave our families great gifts of togetherness and that's the part that really matters.

...I reeeeallly don't want to go to work today. The one big motivator is my housekeeper comes today and if I go to work I get to come home to a clean house! Talk about CHRISTMAS!

I do post-mortems, too. Most of it is healthy in my view; just normal process improvement, just like we do at work.

It has been only recently that I have been able to value my own ability to mingle/enjoy guests where I include it in in the post mortem.

DH and I have gotten better at managing the kitchen mess. Our floor plan is pretty open and I HATE IT when there is stuff all over like a bomb. It isn't like I have a sous chef helping during food prep. DH hates it even deeper, like it is some sort of character flaw, so there are points after the cooking process where he automatically steps in which is very helpful. Some of this is managed by doing as much as possible the day before and using a menu that allows for that.

Less healthy, and irritating to DH, is my and DD's habit of rehashing conversations after the party. I don't know why we do that but we both enjoy.

Weight 124.4, calories ???? Time to get back into planned eating. I am glad I weighed myself even though I hate the number. I had a lot to eat and drink over many hours yesterday, but enjoyed it all.

So our Christmas day was actually pretty quiet until late in the day when we went to SIL's. We thought there were going to be about 16 for dinner, but we ended up at 9, 5 of which were DH, me and our 3 kids. My newly engaged nephew and his fiancé didn't come until after dinner. We did get to hear the engagement story - what was planned and what actually happened. The very beautiful simple solitaire was on the Christmas tree and once his girlfriend saw it, my nephew got down in his knee to propose. So sweet. AND... they apparently do want children. My nephew is 47, but his fiancé is in her mid thirties, so though we were hoping that was the case we weren't counting on it.

DH had a good day, but was exhausted at the end of the day. DS brought him home and got him up to bed, which was really helpful for me.

Have a wonderful Wednesday all!

That is beautiful and wonderful for your nephew! I love engagement stories!

And that one strikes a special chord with me since my husband and I have a nearly 14 year age difference. But he was 37 when I met him and I was 23! It sounds like your nephew doesn't have kids? My husband did have 2 kids but initially said he didn't want more children. We really struggled with what to do--can't have half a kid! It's not really something you can compromise on, nor should you! By some miracle God warmed his heart to the idea of having more children and now he's the proudest, happiest daddy of the biggest daddy's girl!! And he's THRILLED to have another on the way.

And as to being an older parent, there are advantages and disadvantages (so he tells me). He was 20 and 24 when he had his first two--in college and working full time, scraping by. We just had this discussion the other day, and while he said he had more energy for the first two, he said he feels more patient and confident and of course having established himself in his career also makes him feel more at ease about having little ones.

This is a first marriage for both my nephew and his fiancé! My SIL is thrilled about the upcoming marriage (no date or place yet) and about potentially becoming a grandmother as he is her only child.

Your husband's (older dad w/ second set of children) is my DH's experience, except for the fact that he (and his twin brother) were the (second set of children) of an older dad and mom (dad in his 50's and mom in her 40's). I am the beneficiary of that arrangement. Your DH had said the very same things as my very dear FIL- more time, financial stability, patience and wisdom to be gifted to the children, as well as pure enjoyment for self. As a result of being well loved and cared for and esteemed my DH developed into a man who, having all that, gives it freely to me and our children.

From my point of view, your children are in a total win/win situation. Enjoy.

Sounds like a perfectly delightful Christmas day. Christmas eve DS1 and upcoming DDIL, while showing the results of recently repainted home designated one of the bedrooms as the "will be" nursery. Both are in their early 30's and highly interested/involved in careers, travel and couples experiences. Up to this point- no mention of any interest in children. I am STOKED to say the least!

What a wonderful thing to hear from the kids!

Good morning!

DianeO, I was THRILLED to see your post and happy that the infection is clearing. I am sorry for your Holiday blues. Your reflections underscore something I also have been working on, but you are much more articulate. Thank you for that.

Liz, I'm glad family helped with DH. I hope they are able to do more of that on the regular. It sounds like they see the increased care-giving burden?

On tap for today is time in nature, maybe snowshoeing if snow level is low enough. DD and DH are both home so it still feels like the holidays.

About food....part of my recent holiness (HA!) is that I have been thinking about adjusting my diet to a higher fat ketogenic-style diet. I have few added-sugar foods in my diet usually; but just thinking about restriction makes me want them.

The ketogenic recommendation is per the Uphill Athlete trainers to better enable fat-adaptation as I prepare for Rainier which is now about 6 months away. The UA trainers aren't zealots and there are definitely training days that you use increased carbs so your day wouldn't be strictly ketogenic. They also don't pretend to know exactly what works best -- there is little science available, and it is mostly in young, male, elite athletes. But, they do think adjusting macros will make functioning up top easier. I am all about ease. So, we shall see. For now, I'll start by using MFP and tinker with macros in coming days/weeks.

More important than diet for fat-adaptation, is their recommendation to do endurance hikes on an 8-12 hour fast. You can eat on the hike to avoid bonking, but the point is to delay eating so your body learns to use internal fat for fuel.

I am so conditioned to eating before leaving house to hike that I can hardly express my DISTRESS that I "shouldn't" have breakfast THIS VERY MOMENT.

But, if I have learned anything during this whole VSG process it is this: automatic food demands are likely a dysfunctional pattern. Ignoring the demand is (eventually) liberating.

Seek peace and liberty.

Shel