12/20/18, Thursday

Amen to that. It is a very tough place to be. But I would think to myself during that period, what choice do I have, but to soldier on? I may have cried and despaired while I soldiered, but you do whatever you must do to make it through! Soldier on, my Ann!

Yes. Precisely. Just ******g do it. Because the other choices lead to much worse places.

Weight 122.6, calories somewhere around 1750 (whoops). I stayed up late talking and drinking wine with DS, so that's a lot of the calories. Plus the large bowl of chili I ate out at a restaurant with DH because there was no obvious food in the house.

I came to this page intending to ask if anyone knew what Ann was up to and the answer was here. I'm so glad she was able to climb out of the hole.

DH did okay yesterday. He was a zombie, but a more or less agreeable one most of the time. I literally had to dress him like a small child in the morning. He had a couple of small pouts but I didn't pu**** which helped. Today we see the psychiatrist.

Lavender and Justice are continuing their relationship as if we hadn't been away - no renewal of chasing each other, just interest. Justice is on my lap watching Lavender poke around and climb into the windows so she can view everything outside (we are in what I call the "sunroom", which has 2 walls of windows).

I am determined that this is going to be a good holiday because I think DH will be present enough to enjoy it, but may not after this year. My house is disorganized which makes me feel out if control, but I'm going to just try to prioritize and do what I can. Thank you Ann for reminding me of the importance of doing that. One of the reasons I am sitting in the sunroom is that it is pretty much how I left it because DS typically doesn't use this room (and it is my favorite).

So today's important tasks: Tree up, wreaths up, psychiatrist appointment, dinner with friends. I am hoping DH can decorate the tree tomorrow (I will rearrange ornaments if necessary).

Have a thoughtfully prioritized Thursday!

You know what makes me feel good? Ann is back.

Also, Liz is in a home that isn't decorated. So, there is still hope for me.

Do you ever wonder about our collective over-the-top self-expectations?

Anyhoo, back to me. My butt hurt so bad yesterday I couldn't decorate the tree. Super tired, too. Butt was tired because of my training program, or, more accurately, me doing a bit more than the plan said over the last couple of days. The instructions even included, "only give 80% effort so there isn't pain in coming days.

My presentation (put together in about 36 hours and sleep deprivation) went aok. Not an Oscar winning performance but adequate.

In solidarity with Ann, let's focus on basic self-care today. Let some of the extra go, enjoy (other people's) lights and the company of the people you love. If they are putting on ornaments, all the better. But, I have no expectations of that. I just want the people.

Hope all the sickies out there (looking south to the giant Redwoods as I type that) are feeling better.

Shel

Love you, Shel! What a thought- that the product of others' decorating adventures are there for our enjoyment and delight. Today I will rejoice in the visual gifts others have created (just for me). How special is that?

Buns of steel!

Greetings Dear Elves

153 today on the pseudoephedrine diet. I think I turned the corner in the night as I am feeling better this morning. Today's events include visit to DH's surgeon for hernia redo issues and a gallery shift. Its supposed to pour rain but it hasn't started yet. Gallery duty this afternoon and surgeon visit may make me late but we will manage.

Ann we are all grateful that you are back. My sympathies for the eyelid issue and sad to think you were in the dark place for awhile. But you pulled yourself out of it. Good on your shrink for reminding you that no one is perfect so don't bother trying. It is disconcerting when you can't control health stuff (right Cecily?) so I guess we all have to learn to roll with it. Anyway, eyelid, heal thyself. Lets all focus some energy on healing Ann's eye. Some days the best of us can only get a C+ and its ok.

Liz I like thinking of you with snuggly pets in a sun room. Hope the psychiatrist visit goes well. Everyone take a note from Ann's shrink in that the Christmas house only needs to get a B. Its about the company, not the decorations.

Ocean D glad DC has an end in sight for the bag. Peps sorry Ron has longer to go. Wishing good healing to the "bagmen".

Glad you survived your presentation Shel. Its a relief to get finished with stuff like that.

Cecily, glad you are getting into the workouts. Love hearing about it. And happy birthday to you Christmas babies.

The mission while on gallery duty is to plan a healthy dinner requiring minimal effort. Methinks grocery store baked chicken is on the horizon.

Well that's it for now. Healing energy to all. Diane S

Weight 178.6

The tree is done! I may only be at a C+ (nothing wrapped, still need to buy some presents, no outside lights, nothing in other rooms I would usually do), but I'll take it!

Off to therapy to discuss my grazing (cursed chocolate pretzels, not very good Christmas cookies, fast food) to try to stop doing that to myself and understand why I do it to myself. Ha. That's a lot to ask for 50 minutes!

I think your decor looks gorgeous!

I do the whole not-very-good food eating thing myself. Sometimes it's because I'm near that person. I attach too much emotion to food, I've decided. I used to believe that to refuse food was the worst thing you could do to a person's honor! Now I can appreciate not to care that much. Although as a cook myself I do like it when people eat and enjoy my food! The bizarre thing is sometimes I'd even take something home and feel this obligation to eat it. Or like something store bought!

My stepkids (who are naturally really thin) are decidedly NOT this way. Their aunt can make them a pie "just for them" and they can eat one piece heartily...and never touch again. What an interesting concept.

I now try to even aloud tell myself how happy I am with less, or how so and so really satisfied my craving. This year I am not (or at least have not) made any confections. DH came home with some fudge and toffee from a coworker. Sometimes its no good and I'm hoping to have the fortitude in the future to toss. But this was actually really good. For the past two nights I've been very intentional to sit down with one piece of fudge and one piece of toffee and really enjoy.

(Don't let me fool you--I've been wayyy into other sweets. And even more so since I'm pregnant. But I am trying to keep it from being too much of a runaway train.)

Thanks, BB!!

Very lovely, very inviting.