Thursday, December 13, 2018

Weight 121.2, calories 1134. Weight almost back to before pizza.

I went to the caretakers support meeting yesterday. It was better than previous ones as everyone was able to talk (no one dominated). Though the most opinionated guy didn't want to accept that anger is part of the equation for the caretaker in the early stages. And it turns out he is a psychologist! He was giving one of the women a hard time when she admitted that she was angry about what was happening. I reminded the group of the stages of grief!!! I really feel the point of these groups is to be able to be open about what you are going through and I didn't like his reaction. Oh and he also gave us all a copy of a book he wrote a few years ago about working as a prison psychologist. I tried to read it last night. My god, it is poorly written. It rambles all over the place from one story about a bad staff person to another (and the same with the prisoners). Enough about that!

We leave Florida in 6 days. I'm looking forward to seeing my son and home but not to the travel. Oh well - at least we can travel.

Question to Cecily: The sleep mask works great in blocking light but the strap makes my head itch and slips around a bit. Any tricks to that?

Have a tight Thursday!

134.8. Hair cut, walk outside, birthday dinner with DS#2 and time with Kevin on tap for today. Kevin's daughter returns home for Christmas break for 3 weeks tomorrow. Wish me luck!

DS#3 is struggling with Ben's death and me moving on but won't verbalize anything. I feel at a loss of what to do. Sure wish he would open up with me, even if it was to tell be he is angry with me! He has a powerlifting competition on Saturday so I will be spending the day with him and a bunch of other sweaty boys!

DS#2 turns 19 today. Where does the time go? He seems to be in a good place, even if he is on the outs (and will most likely break up) with his first boyfriend. I'm taking him and 3 of his beauty school classmates to a Japanese steak house for dinner tonight and then they will make the trek to Madison where they will go to a gay cub that allows 18 and 19 year olds in on Thursday nights (assuming they don't offer alcohol on Thursdays).

DS#1 is doing well too. He is will be just getting back today from a "meet-up" with a college guy in MI. I don't approve of his risky behavior, but what is a Mom to do with an almost 21 year old?

It is hard once our kids turn 18, then 21. They don't really want our advice until they are 25 or so (and not always then). I guess they have to figure out how to navigate life alone.

I feel for you Paula and can relate - our youngest is 19 turning 20 - rest are 21, 21 and 23

The wonderful stage where they want to make all the decisions themselves (good or bad) and you just have to stand back and be there if needed but likely wont get asked - Did I just think "stubborn"

I think this stage is harder in many ways than actually raising them but I have always looked at it this way

What I was able to instill in them before they became adults both whilst with their father, whilst a single mum and finally as a remarried mum - hopefully stayed with them. Good values and respect - with a lot of love. Sometimes you doubt they realise but I believe they will as they too grow older and look back and all things will be clearer

Hope you have/had a fun time with the birthday bash!

I completely understand and empathize with DS#3. It's an awful lot to expect for someone that young to understand you even considering moving on. Think of it this way: DS#3 decides to move on and puts himself out on a website looking for a new dad a month or two after Ben's death. He finds this great guy who comes to his games and now his matches. He does with DS#3 all that fun stuff that Ben couldn't do after he got sick. DS#3 is having a blast! He spends more time laughing and having fun with his new dad than he does with you. But you are mourning and grieving and selfishly want and need him for yourself. You can't help but dislike DS#3's new dad, even though you can see that he makes DS#3 happy. You find yourself even feeling resentful towards DS#3 because he isn't obviously mourning the way you are.

It's misguided to expect a kid to "come around" to an adult mindset of healing and moving on. We all deal with grief in our own ways. Stage of life often dictates how we cope. My dad started dating way too soon for my taste after my mom died and I was 33 when she passed. I wasn't 15 or 16. The first year after someone close to you passes this life is tough for most people. We all deal with it so differently.

Good moms and dads are like deities to their kids. Moms and dads really are irreplaceable. Yet, for most of us, husbands and wives can be had again - even when we know we've already had the best husband or wife we will ever have. We can still find another someone with whom to share our lives. It won't be the same, but it can and does happen frequently. But when we've had great parents, we don't replace them with new ones. We only get good parents once. Our love for them is fierce. That love is so strong and sincere and pure that it is impossible to fathom diverting that love to another. It's not something we do.

I know the way I see this might not be mainstream and might even be viewed as unkind or judgmental, but it's my truth. It's how I see it. I can't help but see it this way. I've been that "little boy" who lost his mom.

Ann-sorry to hear about your surgery reschedule. But better safe than sorry, eh?

Paula-hugs. Wish I had words of advice. I guess it just will take time. Reminds me of a meme that said "I sat with my anger long enough to realize her true name was grief." They may not be angry with you, they may just be struggling to process the grief. Time and consistency will hopefully heal you all. I'm glad you'll be with DS#3 all day. Is there some tradition that you have with the kids at Christmas that you could keep?

Liz-glad your support group went well and you could speak. Hoping everything will go smoothly with your trip home for Christmas. How long have you been in FL now?

Weight unknown

Christmas concert at church last night was fantastic and really put us in the Christmas mood! DH is still feeling so stressed because of all the "busy" and I really don't know what to do. And yes we're busy, but if I'm being honest I think it has more to do with the emotional exhaustion of starting a new job. Having a baby means more work. Having a baby and doing things like decorating and shopping and wrapping and cooking...is a lot more work!! But I don't want to cancel Christmas! Current mood is: hurry and get it done so we can relax!

Yes sometimes trying to fit it ALL in isn't too relaxing. It would be nice if I can fit a Christmas concert in somewhere. With DH reduced awake schedule that makes it tight.

We have been in Florida since 11/4, so for 1.5 months this fall. We will be back for a little over 4 months after Christmas (1/4 until sometime in May).

BB - that meme struck a chord with me - really got me thinking

Hope things slow down a little for you and your family - so you can enjoy time together

Greetings Coffee Worshipers

Still at 155. Still stuck in a sort of holding pattern of not getting much done in the weight department. But its a sunny day which always makes me hopeful. Grateful we have such days scattered among the winter gloom. More and more I think my mood is affected by light. Liz you have the right idea about going to Florida in the winter. And I think you need to put Justice IN that stocking and take a picture. Glad the support group was decent except for the prison shrink. What an awful job that must have been.

Well Paula glad to hear your boys are mostly moving on in life. Hope DS#3 will open up soon but of course you know that can't be forced. Hoping you have peaceful holidays and that things go well with Kevin's DD.

BB glad you had a good Christmas concert. They always do the Messiah here in early December when I am not yet ready for it. Now I am ready and its too late. Guess I will settle for TV concerts.

We had a lengthy meeting for the studio board yesterday and I found myself volunteering to do a lot of financial projections on projects we want to do and increases in studio charges.

Tonight we have a private champagne party at the gallery as a thank you for our patrons. I will make cinnamon almonds. It will no doubt be a dangerous food fest with fancy nibbles. I am sort of worried we won't get many guests since it was kind of a last minute thing. I really sort of hate ****tail parties where you have to stand around and get a back ache. Nice attitude.

Well Peps, if you find a broom that works, let me know. We could all use one. I am not putting up lights - our neighbor has enough christmas junk for 6 houses. Pic to follow.

Coffee #2 is coming up. Then its time to start the day. Cheers. Diane S

Hope the champagne party goes well Diane :)