12/11/18, Tuesday

1. Within Range: Yes
2. General Wellbeing: 9 on SS
3. 10,000+ Steps: 12,114
4. Fitness: walking two dogs individually
5. Self-Care: met with contractor to order and schedule walk in shower for master bath !!
6. Play/Leisure: knitting; reading
7. Intention: Continue to embrace our new normal

DC had cabin fever and wanted to get out yesterday. He insisted on wearing jeans (refuses to wear sweats outside house). We did a bit of grocery shopping (needed pancetta for shrimp and grits), went out to lunch, and two flights of stairs up and down. At some point, his jeans worked his leg bag too low, and it pulled on his catheter. Bag change before bed (to larger night bag) showed clotting and fresh bleeding. We decided to see what a night flat in bed did for the situation, knowing that he had overdone things. A bit better this morning, but we have a call in to the surgeon's nurse.

We have an older tub/shower in our master bath, which formerly had glass doors which had been removed at some point, leaving the ugly frame. We were going to wait until we redid the master suite to get a walk in shower but... we prefer to shower together and the space is currently too cramped, in addition to having to leap over the tub side. We met with our contractor, who got excited about our 7'4" ceilings and the un-utilized 6" in our current recess. Keeping all walls in place a new walk in will go all of the way to the ceiling (subway and diamond pattern tile), capture an additional 5" in length and 10" in depth. Grab bars, built in storage and shaving step, as well as fixtures and a glass door will compliment the project. We have to wait until the second week in January, but sooo worth it !! Best part is they think they can do it in two days.

Have to chime in on the child care issue. The bottom line is you are entering a phase where you need to make peace with "you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't". When I was home, I worried/felt guilty about work. When I was at work, I worried/felt guilty about school. Once I accepted that, I was able to better focus on being present with whichever place I was. Factoring in a significant amount of rationalization for my choice to continue my career, I recognized that much of my identity was contingent upon my career. I sincerely believed I could be a better mother if I continued my career. I had an advantage in that once they were school aged, the girls were either in my school or my district, and I could help out in their classrooms, attend events and stay on top of educational/social successes and challenges. The bottom line is that the decision that is right for you IS the right decision. Don't play woulda/coulda/shoulda head games. Continue to be open to every opportunity for the balance you seek, to solidify for you

Weight: 137.6
Macros: Cals - 1,333, Carbs - 112, Fats - 38, Protein - 98, Fiber - 22
Sleep hours: 8
Vegetable/Fruit Servings: 6
Water glasses: 8
Exercise: 10,600 steps
Meditation: Yes

Good morning. :) Post-birthday week weight is sliding down.

Leesa, I hope your surgery this morning goes perfectly and that your recovery is rapid. I have a good friend right now recovering from that surgery, and she's doing well.

My day will be busy starting with yoga class and a few errands. Then a dress-up holiday luncheon and more errands.

Tomorrow's my second cataract surgery. Sooo ready to get that done!

Today's theme is the week's theme: Begin anew!

P.S. This morning's musical stylings from Amazon Prime are "50 Great Classical Pieces."

Weight 123, calories 783. I am still a little depressed like yesterday but we will see what the day brings. DH had another bad day but in a different way. He slept all but 5.5 hours of the day and was incredibly confused when up. He didn't know where our bedroom was for instance (this is a 1200 square foot place). I have called his neurologist a couple of times now to get him on Namenda, but they don't call back. I'll try again, but I may see if the geriatric psychiatrist has better luck getting to him as she was the one who thought DH should be on it. Days like the last two make it kind of scary.

Other good and disturbing news yesterday: My 47 year old nephew is engaged for the first time to the wonderful young woman he has been living with the last few years. We are all so happy for him. On the other hand, DD has been losing hair and has a gastrointestinal issue going on. Her PCP referred her to a dermatologist, a rheumatologist and a gastroenterologist. The first two didn't find anything, but the gastro dr is concerned and had his nurse move the colonoscopy earlier in the schedule than where they had placed it. I can't even fathom another serious illness in the family. She already has epilepsy btw.

BB, in case you didn't see my note yesterday, I agree that whatever you do in terms of childcare will be the right thing. You need to trust your intuition. I worked full-time through most of older DD's years as I was a very young mother then. I took three years off completely when younger DD came, then went back part-time (2 long days a week) just before youngest arrived. I continued on that schedule until younger DD was 18 and youngest DS was 15. Some of that part-time work was job sharing and some not and was at a time when the company I worked for rarely did it. But I was always able to work it out. As mentioned yesterday, it kept my skills fresh and my resume active which made it fairly easy to transition back to a full-time career ultimately. For me, the part-time schedule was the best of all because I could move things around to be at all my kids important events but could fully engage with other adults and exercise my brain a couple of days a week. B**** some points I was an employee of the company and at others a contractor. I made more money as a contractor but had less stability. BUT ultimately whatever you and DH are comfortable with is the right decision!

Have a thoughtful Tuesday.

Positive vibes for your DD.

In so many of my patients, a plunge in cognition is a symptom of UTI or other infection. I toss that out there tho I would guess you have already considered.

(Even tho I knew this was true at work, I failed to recognize it in my MIL more than once. I would not be a good caregiver)

He was plunging before we left and I did bring him to our PCP to be tested for that, but no UTI. I wi**** was the answer.

Well, that is impossible to "like." What a vicious disease.

Liz, I'm thinking of you so much these days. You and your family have so many challenges right now. Sending hugs, which I hope you can feel. xoxoxo

Ann

136.8

Sending big smile from mild and sunny Kansas! That vitamin D is a total mood elevator for me.

Diane- your plans for the walk-in shower sound down right dreamy! When we did the bathroom last spring we decided we just weren't ready to give up the claw foot tub. I have had second thoughts about that since, but will probably hold off for a bit (mostly due to DH *****ally likes the tub). Pictures for sure when the project is finished (you and DC enjoying its' amenities totally optional). K?

No plans for today other than those I might think up for leisure. Have already been out for walkies, and am up to 2 miles now. Not too bad.

Thinking positive energy directed towards Stephanieplum, and prayers for a comfortable recovery and smooth transition as she heals. How wonderful to set aside the pain the old hip was causing. I so pray that be truth for her.

Ta ta- am off to guiltlessly fritter some of the day away.

Weight: 168.8. Wonder what it'll be tomorrow in time for "weigh in day"

Thinking of Stephanie today. Hope that it's a very smooth surgery and easy recovery and you never look back!

Peps-awesome job going in the right direction and no doubt you'll need your new year's goal!

Shel-forget if I mentioned the other day how beautiful your photos were! I'd been in a fog of illness this weekend.

Ann-your birthday trip sounds magnificent. Maybe DH and I need to leave baby with grandparents and take a little couple's weekend up to Chi town. How bad was the weather? That's my #1 concern this time of year.

Diane O.-you make some very good points about darned if you do, darned if you don't. I think there is not going to be a 100% solution that I can feel totally content with. Such is life.

And I thank all of you for weighing in. And fwiw, I think nonparent perspectives are just as valuable as parent perspectives. I do worry a little bit about working part time, at least with kids at home because I just don't see how I could work with them there. It might be a possibility if they started going to MDO...but to pay for daycare to work parttime could get tricky and pricey. I've also heard mixed things. I definitely think that would be doable when kids are in school--and maybe ideal (I think kids in school actually need so much still--just different ways and different times). I follow a blog appropriately named the "Mommy Docket" about an attorney here I know (actually she taught one of my law classes) who worked for a top law firm and went part time and found it to be very stressful because she was getting the uninteresting, laborious, "cr@p" work, and could never fully agree to do things for her kids, but also never felt like she could give to her work fully. But I think that may go back to Diane O.'s point that nothing will ever be perfect and that we just need to have grace. So working parttime may still be the best solution. Definitely if I even intend to go back into law (which I should never fully exit because death, divorce, etc.--way too uncertain to give all that up!!) it's best to not be out for too long. One idea I'm toying with is maybe working for a nonprofit or clinic. I know there are some attorneys who do work with CASA or other children's law, or help with adoptions, or ...there are so many options. That might be something I could do on a volunteer/limited income basis and would really keep me up to date.

I know this has come up before and I thank you for letting me continue to vent about it because obviously this is a very big decision. With so many emotions, and unknowns.

Yup, yup, yup on the non-parenting issues. Even if not cr@p-work, sometimes part-time is only part pay/benefits, but full time responsibility.

Be intentional in what you need in your life. Write it down. Build it in. You and your husband like to work out together at the gym. Figure out how to build that into your family structure. And then be flexible as priorities change over tie.

More than ever, I believe self care needs to be built in --- just like sidewalks are built into neighborhoods. You are a master planner.....build your neighborhood.