Friday, November 30, 2018

Weight: 134.2
Macros: Cals - 1,196, Carbs - 115, Fats - 31, Protein - 95, Fiber - 24
Sleep hours: 6
Vegetable/Fruit Servings: 7
Water glasses: 6.5
Exercise: 12,200
Meditation: Yes

Six hours of sleep doesn't feel as nice as eight hours. Just sayin'.

Today's a good day to practice with my intention to Trust Me, since the scales were 1 pound higher this morning, despite yesterday's lovely inputs.

Specifically ... "Regardless of what the scale said this morning, I'm generally eating well. Over the last four and a half years I've built skills, my intention to remain healthy is very strong, my track record has been good, and I've demonstrated to myself that I can splurge sometimes and then get back up on the weight maintenance horse and lose my holiday weight. I'm enjoying the many physical, psychological and spiritual benefits of my hard work, so remember to notice how good my life is now and how much stronger I've become. Smell the roses. Be grateful. Enjoy the confidence I've earned. This moment right now is all I will ever have, so be here now. I am perfect."

That's what I get to practice today. :)

Today's theme: Trust me. :)

And now here's the incomparable Bill Nighy (as Billy Mack) singing "Christmas Is All Around Us" from the movie "Love Actually." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Fmf3D9oNn4

Yes, trusting ourselves can be extremely difficult. I think we all feel that our fat selves are always ready to sabotage us even when we eat well (and not too much). Geez, .2 up on the scale still makes me uncomfortable even though I know it doesn't really count.

Weight 121.4 (up .2), calories 828. A few more carbs than planned, but really not enough to beat myself up over and they weren't unhealthy ones. BIL's next batch of cookies arrives today. Do I trust myself????

Below is a picture of my tables with the navigation maps under the glass (top picture is after, bottom is before). I had to cut particle board and the maps to fit. The end table is a jigsaw of the leftover map pieces, but seems to work fine. An improvement over the brown blah tables they were before I think.

We are going to go to Sarasota today to see some more of the Ringling Museum we went to last year. It really is an amazing museum and so worth seeing if in the area. If it is warm enough, we may eat at one of the many cafes in the shopping area.

Oh, Liz! Your choices are beautiful!

We visited that museum last spring. We didn't have time to tour the house (walked around a bit on the veranda in back). Is it worth a return trip to see it all?

And I'm still pondering whether I love the food or love to eat????? To me it is like the question of whether I am really hungry or just head hungry (though I'm getting better at distinguishing).

Weight 170.2

I definitely need some of your trust theme, Ann, as my weight climbs. I know it's for good reason. I look around me at all a women, especially around my age and a little older, who struggle to conceive. Or who have difficult pregnancies, cannot gain weight, etc. This is a heck of a good reason to gain weight, maybe for the first time in my life. Last time I gained around 32-34lbs.--right on target. And while I was still about 10lbs. heavier, my start weight was falsely low since I had dieted prior to becoming pregnant with Becca. Anyway, if this weight is real, it still means I've only gained 3-5lbs. in 14weeks.

Trusting is scary, though. Sometimes I still cannot decide whether I can be trusted, or if it's a scape goat. Know what I mean? I think the biggest keys I've learned, and something you've hinted at, is consistency as well as not missing the forest for the trees, so to spea****rtainly think it is true for some (all?) of us that certain foods are more likely to set us down a pathway to destructive eating. And therefore it might be wise not to eat those foods, knowing that it is that much more difficult to say no. But I still believe that one meal or one day can be just one meal or one day. In the past it was kind of a foregone conclusion that if I messed up my diet on a Thursday, the weekend MUST be a food fest until Monday came.

Boy yesterday was a long day. It was the kind of day that makes me realize how spoiled I am. I got to work before 8:30, was at a deposition all day, and didn't pick up Becca until nearly 6pm. I have pretty lenient work hours otherwise. And it sure is nice. Yesterday I drove home in the dark and got approximately 30 minutes with my daughter before putting her to bed. And I was exhausted!! One thing I can say: if we are not dependent on my income, I do not want a more rigorous job, especially with two little babies!! My next decision to make is whether to remain working at all. I'm pretty sure my wonderful babysitter now will not take on two under 18 months! I do have a great church daycare right by me--but it's very expensive with two. And that's difficult. Staying home with 2 is difficult, too. Not to mention all the career setbacks. Would I reenter the workforce? When? Would people think I'm not doing anything? Will I still be able to raise my girls the way I want? These are all questions that weigh heavily on me.

Today is my mom's birthday. We'll celebrate with a meal tomorrow, but hoping to take her to lunch. DH flies in tonight. Would be nice to put up some Christmas decorations before he gets home, but we'll see.

It's a tough decision, I didn't have a real career going when my kids were born, it was a job. Our daughter was born premature and had an apnea monitor for 10 months. Although we were completely unprepared financially, it became clear I would stay home to take care of her. In the end, I was a stay at home Mom for 10 years. (Went back to work when our son started Kindergarten)Then I started what would become my career and my passion, teaching special ed. Frankly we are still feeling the effects of our low, and I mean low income for those 10 years. We qualified for earned income credit at one point. But both my husband and I regret Nothing. I need lots of sitting/reading/information processing time, so I think I would not have been the mother I wanted to be if I had to balance work, my kids needs, and my needs. I have other friends who knew they could never stay home, that their careers were a necessary part of them. No mommy wars from me, everyone needs to find the balance that works for them. But for me, those days are the source of my most tender memories.

1. Within Range: 2 (two) pounds over, 141
2. General Wellbeing: 7 on SS
3. 10,000+ Steps: 3477
4. Fitness: walking
5. Self-Care:
6. Play/Leisure:
7. Intention: Trust myself to JDLI (Just F-ing live it !!)

DC's DS is here for three days, visiting before we leave Sunday for Monday's surgery in Syracuse. So not how we want to be spending quality time as the stress builds. DS had RNY eight years ago and has spent the last seven years figuring out how to eat around her pouch. She is also an alcoholic and has been hospitalized twice for bleeding ulcers. She is in recovery from breast cancer, which I thought would scare her straight, but not so. Last night, when she arrived, we also had two Veterans here for their bi-weekly dinner with intended left overs. They are single men, living alone and don't really cook for themselves. I made a big pan of whole wheat baked ziti with homemade baked meatballs (baked on a drip rack, so fat runs off). I also made salad and garlic bread, and had Italian cookies and sherbet for the guys. I was protein forward, but my inner child rebelled at the high expectations making excellent choices placed on her. I lost focus a bit, but not three pounds worth ! Luckily, the care packages I bagged for the guys got all of the ziti/meatballs, bread and cookies out of the house !

DianeO ... ignoring the biweekly dinner, your SIL presents a sufficiently large collection of stressors all by herself.

There are two definitions / ways to say the Southern idiom "Bless her heart," and I think in your SIL's case both of them apply.

Greetings Grand People

153.5 today so yesterday's missing pound is back.But I am feeling fine.

I have been thinking on the trust theme. I used to be pretty confident in my ability to eat properly in most any cir****tances but the past 2-3 years not so much. It started with ****tail party nibbles and I have a hard time resisting hors d'hoveres. (yeah where is auto correct when I need it). But I am sure not going to refuse to go to social events just because there will be dangerous food there. My strategy was always to bring something I could eat and share but lately it doesn't keep me from what I want to eat (and drink). I need to start some small steps like tracking. Getting started on any project seems to be the hardest part. I am drinking skim milk more these days to get protein boost. Anyway there is a beautiful blue sky peeking out now and a nice day awaits.

DH got the new Tivo and had trouble getting it to work. Boy was he cranky. But he did get it running and the tv in our bedroom going again so I am glad for that. He is now on a mission to get the system all worked out telling me about it with all sorts of jargon I don't understand. The man loves his electronics.

Liz your tables and room look great!! What a cool idea with the maps. There is a woman in our gallery who makes hats out of fancy paper (think big wide 60's brides maid style hats) and she has made some out of maps. Very fun.

Diane O good of you to make a great dinner for the vets and all and to send it home too. Sorry your SIL is difficult. But I bet those couple of pounds drop off. Homemade meatballs - what a treat for all.

No events today (and I will NOT be doing jumping jacks while getting dressed). Studio time and clean up. Best to get out of the house while DH wrestles with TIVO. He curses so loudly he makes the dogs tremble!!!

BB sounds like your weight is just fine with a little girl on the way. Lordy, being in an 8 hour depo - i didn't do that often but I can relate. Your work/home life issue solution will likely reveal itself over time. But be thankful you didn't have morning sickness during the depo.

Well I am coffee out for the day and need to move on to something useful. And some scrambled eggs. Cheers. Diane S