11/09/18, TGIF

1. Within Range: Yes
2. General Wellbeing: 9 on SS
3. 10,000+ Steps: 9167
4. Fitness: walking; hauling suitcase
5. Self-Care: Meditation
6. Play/Leisure: Cuddling with Sadie and Atlas
7. Intention: I'll drink water and clean our home

Travel day went as well as it can. The pups were beyond happy to see us, and us them. My rib repair took a few steps back, but love conquers all. The house looks a bit like a dust storm hit... and then there's the mail and packages to go through. Eager to do laundry, clean, and grocery shop.

Wanted to clarify something from earlier this week. When I mentioned I related to Diane about finding myself "settling", I didn't mean settling for real self. I've worked hard to learn that I am "enough" just the way I am, as I work toward my "first rate version". I was talking about the realization that more and more I acquiesce/defer/submit and "settle" for less than I want/need. With DC, I see myself putting his needs/wants first...reminiscent of raising a family. I've worked hard to find and use my voice. I need to look at this.

Ann, so excited for NOLA, French and your writing ! Love your aunt's "Everything ! Do it now !" Liz, your upgrade plans sound fabulous ! Enjoy the sunny warmth ! BB.. good for you ! A baby pen will channel her mobility in a safe way, while you multitas****cily, your personal trainer and BTP (blood thinner plan) sound like winners ! Let that fog lift ! Shirl, love the rainbow and the lamb stew sounded great ! Shel, thanks for reminding us that we don't have to do the hardest thing first. Peps.. so much growth and self-acceptance progress ! Your head seems to be in such a good place ! Hope you and Diane can get together at the show ! Paula, so happy for you ! Your joy shines through ! David, hope you are continuing to progress. Diamond, it's great to have another teacher here !

Weight: 138.6
Macros: Cals - 1,686, Carbs - 170, Fats - 56, Protein - 112, Fiber - 35
Sleep hours: 5.5
Vegetable/Fruit Servings: 7
Water glasses: 3
Exercise: Walking (8,200 steps)
Meditation: Yes

DianeO ... welcome home! There's no place like it. With all that doggy love, too! Thanks for your additional words about the "first-rate version" of your "real self" (I like that distinction) and your focus on rebalancing the energy you direct toward your own needs and desires vs. others'.

Yesterday, I walked 8,200 steps yesterday, which MAY have been too much, since my ribs were hurting last night. And I reached my water goal of 3 glasses (8 ounces each). Today, my goal is 4 glasses of water.

However, I ate a couple hundred more calories than I planned to eat, because I stayed up until almost midnigh****ching Netflix. The real problem was that I FOUGHT falling asleep. In fact, I dozed off several times, but after waking up I went right back to watching NF. Yes, my ribs were hurting, and NF was distracting, but I also have a pattern of sometimes fighting sleep at bedtime when I'm not distracted by aches and pains. It feels quite childlike, in the way of rebellious children. Anybody else have that problem? Thoughts?

Good news ... I was expecting weekend company, but happily they had a last-minute conflict and can't come. Hoorah! Yes, the company might have distracted me from my aches and pains, but the peace and quiet will be much more restorative. My yoga this weekend will be a lot of "legs up the wall."

My goals today are similar to yesterday's, but with a little more water.

Today's theme: Another new day, another new beginning.

It is Friday, isn't it? Weight 122.4, calories 850.

DianeO, yes you need to evaluate where you want to be with DC. If I hadn't been married to DH for almost 40 years and had several children with him I don't think I could commit to the caretaker duties ahead of me. In fact there is one woman in our support group who was married just a few years ago, then found out that her new DH had Alzheimer's a year or two later. She is really struggling. I've already asked my family to support my future decision when I've had enough and have to place DH in full-time care. I have no idea when that will be, but I know the day will come when I have to say enough is enough. Different situation but caretaking is hard and everyone has a different ability to handle it. I suspect mine doesn't go very far but will get pushed out somewhat by obligation and to some extent by how much assistance/respite I can get when needed.

Ann, yeah on company cancellation! It is hard to feel social when focused on healing. I expect that within a week from now you will feel much better.

BB, I absolutely agree on the playpen. I always had one even when others thought they were terrible. And when my last child kept wandering off when we were in the yard, I would put him on a long rope so I could do projects with his sister. Bottom-line is that they HAVE to be kept safe and btw, they didn't mind at all!

We went to the beach yesterday, then to dinner with DH's cousins. There was some red tide at the beach but not too bad. When it is really bad, my lungs hurt and I can't stay. Yesterday I could feel it once in a while. The water was warm and doesn't irritate my skin (I guess it does for some people), but the most obvious sign were the many dead fish on the waterline. I've had the respiratory affects in the past, but never saw as many dead fish. Next time we go to the beach I think we will go south where there isn't as much red tide. It is also supposed to be subsiding a bit as the temperature goes down. It sure has been hot and humid this week.

Have a fantastic Friday!

Liz, I'm probably repeating myself, but below is what I learned about caring for someone with Alzheimer's disease, i.e., my mom, who moved in with us 3 years after being diagnosed and lived with us for 8 years, then lived 4 years longer in a nursing home only 4 miles from our home; she died 3 years ago at nearly 97 years of age.

The decision of if/when to move a family member with Alzheimer's to a long-term care facility (the current euphemism for "nursing home") is influenced by so many things -- all the things you said, but ALSO the issue of making that transition when the loved one/patient STILL has some skills to adapt to the big changes that the move will mean for him.

In my mom's case I probably waited too long to make the transition from our home care to a nursing home. However, as as you well know, there's great variance among Alzheimer's patients in terms of the disease's progression speed, how the disease presents, and that it's not a linear process. Therefore, my mom's Alzheimer's progression wasn't necessarily like your husband's.

Nonetheless, like most caregivers, I delayed overlong making that decision to avoid putting MYSELF through the hard work, guilt and fear, new/different scheduling challenges, financial and other paperwork, and family drama associated with the transition. For my mom, me, my husband, and all my siblings, that was a tough time, which, again, is why I had delayed making the decision and transition.

The good news is that your decision-making style is different than mine. Having observed you virtually these last two years, I see you as having an executive-style approach to life. In fact, I'd bet you test on the Myers Briggs as an "ESTJ," someone who takes a rational, logical approach to life, more of a thinker than a feeler, with a bottom-line decision-making style that urges you to eliminate as many greys from the decision calculus as soon as possible.

In contrast, I'm an "ENFP," sometimes described as "Envisioning New Fantastic Possibilities," i.e., I can't possibly have too much information, I enjoy a Pollyanna perspective, and I am willing to delay important decisions until the next millennium to be really, really certain I make exactly the right decision. And yes, that's as exhausting as it sounds like it is. ;)

Anyway, I'm glad you're able to think out loud so clearly about your caregiver decisions and options. I really admire that you're being open with your immediate and extended family members about the coming changes that will likely be necessary.

Finally, I just cringe when I hear people proclaim loudly, "I'll never put Daddy in a nursing home!" So many baby boomers' concerns about eldercare are grounded in their observations about nursing homes made 50+ years ago when they were children and visited older relatives in long-care facilities that don't remotely resemble today's. Nursing homes have come such a long way since then.

So I just did a quick MBTI test, but I think the results are the same as one I took previously. It says I am ISTJ, with only a slight leaning toward introversion, so almost exactly as you predicted!

One thing I have learned from the support groups is that it is okay to look for help, including full-time. And we must make that decision to preserve our ability to continue as caretakers even if in a different capacity. If we take on more than we are able, we are likely to fail which won't benefit the person afflicted. The support is really geared to the caretaking role btw.

That's so cool that you took the MBTI! And thanks for sharing your type. :)

Good morning,

Quick wave to you all as I head out....I'll need to go back and read the last couple of days more thoroughly tonight. Rest, for those who need rest and recovery! B150, thinking about you....is the procedure next week? To those of you in CA, I can't believe another new fire plus shooting. I'm just sorry. Good luck to Tesla, Liza and their esteemed owners.

Enjoy the day,

Shel

BTW ...

I'm a poet.
And you don't know it.

:)

Like all poets, I read a lot of poetry. Here's an oldie goldie I stumbled across this morning from renowned American poet Edward Fields that made me think of us.

People Who Eat in Coffee Shops

by Edward Field

People who eat in coffee shops
are not worried about nutrition.
They order the toasted cheese sandwiches blithely,
followed by chocolate egg creams and plaster of paris
wedges of lemon meringue pie.
They don't have parental, dental, or medical figures hovering
full of warnings, or whip out dental floss immediately.
They can live in furnished rooms and whenever they want
go out and eat glazed donuts along with innumerable coffees,
dousing their cigarettes in sloppy saucers.

I like the poem very much. I am curious how your related it to our group. If you care to share, I'd love it. If it's simply to intricate (as some connections between poetry and real life are), never mind! I will have to ruminate the connection myself!

Nope, nothing intricate. Those foods are the "shadow side" of my food world. Speaking purely for myself, and ignoring the nutritional desert that they would be, all those foods are ones I'd still LOVE to eat on a daily basis. In the past I have certainly done so ... in coffee shops and from room service. Some days I'd still order those foods if I weren't trying so hard not to live like that anymore.

Some days eating healthier than this is easy. Some days it is not.