Monday Nov. 5 2018

Greetings All

Can't believe I am first here. No good news the weight dept. The Halloween Two are still hanging on.

Got most of my art show set up yesterday and the elves at the gallery are scurrying about rearranging everything. I just can't deal with going there so early as I must leisurely drink coffee.All the frantic activity in arranging the art drives me nuts anyway. Not my forte. But I will go down there in a bit to take a few more things and make an appearance. Then its off to studio to see what comes out of the kiln. I don't have much.

Soup dinner last night. Popeye pie tonight. Gotta get back to some basic high protein dishes.

Not much else to report. Just the baby steps of more protein, fewer peanuts and move a little more. Thats it. Diane S

Enjoying the sun and warmth of Mission Bay. Still making peace with the five and relearning when to stay off the road. Peps, I also use the filter "does this choice bring me closer to where I want to be ?" If the answer is no, I have to weigh whether or not the choice is worth it. I'm mostly feeling like my choices this week are on point, but even with all of the walking, I'm expecting to be a bit outside my range at my Friday morning weigh in back home.

Find the sun !

Peps-sounds like you're doing an awesome job working toward your goals. I like Diane O.'s question of "does this bring me closer of farther from my goals," although I probably don't like the answers!!

Diane S.-Sorry to hear about Halloween Two, but I'm confident if you do a mini-purge, they'll come right off!

Liz-hoping you are safe and sound in warm Florida. So sorry to hear about sweet Chiquita. I saw on Facebook. Losing a pet is probably honestly the hardest thing I've been through. Maybe more than a human, at least the initial impact was. Hugs friend.

Weight: 166.4

I don't get it. Will my weight suddenly jump? I swear I'm eating double what I normally do. I'm hungry all the time. I don't think it's mental. I'm honestly ravenous. Maybe this is a boy. But for right now I'm only up 1lb., though I'm looking noticeably fluffier although not "showing" at 10.5 weeks.

DH had to go back to Houston yesterday. Hopefully for one of the last two weeks! But he had to drive so it was just me and Becca. Very long day that started veeerry early since Nugget has no concept of turning back the clocks. And even longer because I tried to keep her up so she'd get on the correct schedule! I did cook some yesterday, so it was a little healthier. Made lunch of beef tips, green beans, and mashed potatoes before DH left. And then turned on the IP again to transform leftover beef tips into beef stew which omg hit the spot. I really love stews and they are usually fairly healthy.

Hi all!

Wonder where everyone is today???? Well, I'm here for my usual later check in.

The weather is unseasonably warm. I'm beginning to dislike it. It was close to 80 today. I could use a little autumn crispness!

Still a little over my 252, which is bothersome on a certain level, but not so much on another. I think part is the lingering effect of the two sugar days, but perhaps a bigger and more positive possibility is that my workout on Friday was super duper intense and I'm thinking that my body might be holding on to some water for repair purposes. My appetite today was pretty minimal and I've had more water than usual. Those two things should be helpful to spur on a little drop.

Goals, goals, goals.... I am working through my pie in the sky unattainable male fitness model vision of success. It is REALLY hard to get the image of the perfect male model out of my head when I think about what I want to achieve. I have to keep this quote from Judy Garland in the forefront of my thinking: Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. I need to figure out what that first rate version of myself is when it comes to my physique, manageable long term "diet", and above all, self contentment. I think if I concentrate on simply losing my extra fat, continue with my rigorous workouts, and keeping sugar at bay that perhaps that first rate version of me will begin to appear and I will hopefully recognize and embrace it.

Well, I think I'm off to the gym for a little evening workout.

Bestest to one and all!

Are you a perfectionist?

I ask because I'm pretty confident I am. When I do things, I want to do all or nothing. When I start an exercise regimen, for example, I want to enter a bikini/fitness contest or sign up for a half marathon. Even though I haven't worked out a lick in 4 months, and not much for going on 18 months, that's immediately where my head goes.

Same with weight--I want to be 138.5, I want to be in a size 4.

But then what do I do about it? Absolutely nothing. Is it a copout? Maybe. But it is what it is. I'm this way in non-weight regards as well. I have a very hard time getting motivated by small things. Even though maybe that's exactly where I should be/happy to be. And maybe it's actually achievable.

I don't know any of these answers, but your "male fitness model" thing just went "ding!" in my head. I had a friend who just competed in a fitness competition and I literally did the math in my head whether I could compete in the same one next year, postpartum. No, Bonnie, the answer is NO. This girl has been a dancer and into fitness her entire life and spent most of the year prepping.

Perfectionist? Yes, I'd have to say I am. I don't know if it's by nature or by nurture, but yes, I have a drive to be "perfect" or the best, or the winner...

I say by nature or by nurture because I grew up with the message that my appearance (height, weight, nose, legs, etc...) was sub par. There have been many, many times in my life I have felt ugly and freakishly built. When I reached adulthood and did some research on the bone disease I was diagnosed with at 4 years old, I discovered that in the years between my diagnosis and the research about the disease done in my late 30s or early 40s science discovered that the bone disease I have shares a genetic link with dwarfism. It's a cousin or "lesser form", if you will. So, now I know why I'm proportioned the way I am. In one way that helped, but in a sense it did add to the freakish feeling.

I strive with the dogs to breed super uber healthy, fantastically tempered dogs, that have wow factor for the show ring. When I place a pup the pup comes with veterinary clearance, proof of medical exam signed by a DVM, has had its first set of vaccinations and has been microchipped. Before a show I can spend hours "finishing" a dog so there is not a hair out of place. As a matter of fact, before the nationals I was told by several people Lucky looked great. Still I spent a good two hours picking and and pulling little hairs to make sure he looked as close to perfect as possible. The judge noticed and commented that my "entry was in excellent condition". He told me later that a few hairs can make the difference between a good trim and a fantastic trim. So, yeah... I guess perfectionism reigns supreme in my dog stuff.

I was the same with my teaching early on. I wanted to be a great teacher. Eventually, I did stop trying to be "the best" in that arena. I have settled in to the fact that I'm a good teacher. I'm not an "educator". I'm a teacher and I am quite proud of that. I don't buy into edu-babble and the buzz words of the day. I call out crap when I see it and I do what I know is right by the kids - which above all else is to teach them to THINK! LOL! Actually, if I didn't love the kids and the joy of their learning and discovery and the day to day job, I would have left teaching long ago. It is a system of bureaucratic BS that never stops and many administrators at the district level seem to push, push, push for teachers to be better, stronger, smarter, faster.... Bionic teachers! LOL!

Dieting has been the same in the past. I begin with unrealistic expectations of following the "DIET" to the letter. I can be stoked and really on my game. One mistake and I might as well throw out all the work I've done. The other scenario is that I know what I want to achieve, but it seems so insurmountable a challenge to achieve it that I don't even start. It has been this nasty cycle of all or nothing thinking that got me back to my pre VSG weight.

I haven't had visions of competing in a physique or fitness competition, but I have imagined being Vince Sant fit and good looking. Of course, that is exactly what I'm trying not to do now! Hahaha....

So, I think you pegged me pretty darn well with Perfectionist. BUT, I would very much like to be considered a perfectionist in recovery!

Good evening everyone! I attended teacher training today about the topic of the pain many boys carry from being forced into rigid behaviors such as boys don't cry, man up, don't wuss out, etc. A lot to think about.

Still riding the sugar free train,at training I passed up candy on the tables where we broke into small groups, and pastries at the front door as we entered the building. I also am still trying to understanding why some days it's so easy to walk on by, and other days it's not.at.all.

Another teacher! Yay!