10/30/18, Tuesday

DS#1 has 6 or 7 belties. All af the calves have been bulls. So much for building up a herd.

Oh dear David - we have 4 calves (hopefully) coming next April - Im hoping for at least 2 girls as we will likely keep one as our final breeder. Can only run 6 full time on here plus the ones we grow out for the freezer

Love Belties - In fact I love all cows

Calories 1133, weight ? I'm not weighing for a while, since I am definitely in weight loss mode and it worked for me weighing less frequently previously when I was in weight loss mode after WLS.

We didn't get home until 9:30 last night and it was crazy busy today:

• Picked up Chiquita's tranquilizers in preparation for her euthanasia Saturday (to make it less stressful for her)
• Had several calls to work out the PCP's referral to the geriatric psychiatrist for DH's appointment today because she hadn't received it (though it was requested two weeks ago). Apparently the insurance company FORGOT to do it even though the PCP rushed it.
• Had my last Savvy Caretaker class from 10-12
• Went to the geriatric psychiatrist from 2-4
• Washed 5 loads of laundry
• Going out to dinner with BIL and 2 SIL's in 1/2 hour

Whew, my head is spinning! But it is good to be back home for a few days. And Justice and Lavender learned to get along quite well while we were gone!

Fare gently well, Chiquita.

Thank you. I am trying to take lots of pictures of her this week and letting her eat whatever she wants (that won't upset her tummy). That's really the only thing she does other than sleep now.

Patient turned a 180 yesterday. Go figure. The cardiology appointment hit home with him. He feels scared and overwhelmed. I get the overwhelmed part, but he's not able to verbalize what frightens him other than "I've always been healthy." I haven't the heart to tell him he hasn't been healthy in several years, thus my push to get him to go to the doctor for a regular physical. He is adjusting as best he can. I felt a bit sorry for him yesterday. I think he was feeling contrite, too, because he offered to buy dinner so I didn't have to cook. I already had dinner planned and wanted to stay on my own plan, so I thanked him and said I'd rather cook the dinner I had prepped and ready to go. Gotta keep improving my waistline. LOL!

Sadly, my weight bumped up about a pound over night. Not sure why. My eating was fine, so I'm just going with it. I will focus on getting more water in later today, which should help.

I love what Diane said about packing smaller clothes. When I was going to PA, I had the opposite thought: Damn, I could take more when I was tiny! LOL! But it's okay. I am 100% certain that I will be in a "right sized" body within the next 12 months. Slow and steady and accepting of the minor bumps and valleys along the way will get me there.

Sepster made a comment that got me thinking. In the few weeks that I have been sugaring down I have noticed that once again, I am hooked on eating in routine. What that means is that I have a set breakfast I eat Monday - Friday. Lunch is very much the same each day because I flip flop back and forth between two lunch types - salad with meat and a warm meat lunch with 2 TBS grain and a 1/4 cup veggies. I pack 4 oz of berries and 1/2 cup Greek yogurt each day, a boiled egg and a piece of fruit (banana, apple, orange...) to round out the day, so that if I get stuck at work or a meeting, I have something to eat that's healthy and will keep me "unhungry" until dinnertime. I find that eating in this fashion keeps my focus off of food. I choose things that I don't dislike to eat everyday. Would I instinctually choose other foods while in the throes of my obesity? ABSO-F'ing-LUTELY! The foods I'm eating right now aren't party in my mouth foods, but they are flavorful enough, healthy and provide energy enough to allow me to feel a sense of physical well being. It is hard for me to see the truth through a sugared and carbo'd haze. The cleaner eating is sort of a self perpetuating and self propelling cycle.

I very much identify with much of what Sepster posted in response to my post to her. I have been in that exact place. It's a torturous place to be. It's hard to work past, too. I am so happy that those resonations are with my past self and not my current self. I wish her all the best and I sure do hope that she figures her "jam" out much earlier in her journey than I did!

HI 100% eat the way you describe for breakfast and lunch every day. I try to restrict dinner too when I need to buckle down (like now). Stuff that fills, satisfies, but doesn't awaken cravings for more (or other stuff). I actually ate another serving of my usual breakfast for an evening snack last night because it fit in my current needed plan and meets the criteria as described!