Is it any wonder....

...I am the way I am?

My 89 year old father called last night and left a message asking for photos of Lucky at the nationals so he could share them with his girlfriend. This is the email I got from him acknowledging the photos I sent him:

Thanks for the lovely pics. I have sent them on to Brooke. The pics do make it look like the dog is in excellent condition. You, however, appear to have gained a few too many pounds.

No, "Great job" or "Way to go!" or "Congratulations, Peps!".

Clearly, his email is a monumental trigger. Damn, damn, damn!

Oh my!!!! (((Hugs)))!

Yikes.

That was a POS remark. Peps, you offered up a lovely gift. That he chose to or, maybe cannot, enjoy the treat does not diminish the quality of that gift. His remark diminishes and tarnishes him- not you- You, Devon, are gold. His comment is only a reflection of - well, him. Let him keep his shallow thoughtless mudslinging to himself- do not pick up, take, or think that such as that belongs in any way to you.

I say, "Great job- Way to go! And Congratulations, Peps!" (Now choose. Who do you want to believe, my evaluation and estimation of you, or his?)

In love and encouragement and truth, -b.

So sorry for this Peps. Please know that we have all experienced stuff like this. Instead of feeling bad, you might tell your dad thanks for the dog complement but it hurt your feelings to have weight issues pointed out.. Sometimes older people just forget manners but that doesn't mean you can't politely respond. Its for your sake, not his. Love ya Peps. Diane S

I'd get a glowing assessment and report card from your trainer and send it to him with a note. "The scale is one insignificant measure of me as a man. Who I am to my students, friends, and animals and what I am able to do with my body and my life make me so much more. How much richer your life will be, when you figure that out for yourself."

He gets no more pictures.

I'm so sorry Devon. I think our parents can cut the closest with their comments. I'm sure you will discuss this with your therapist, but is there any chance he doesn't know how much his comments hurt? I've had to learn over the years to be careful what I say to my kids. Sometimes I say something that they take in a way not intended because I was too stupid to evaluate how it would sound before I let it out of my mouth.

Oh! Devon! I am so sorry! So, so hurtful! My hope is you can look past those remarks and not own/internalize them. His words do not define you.

I'm glad you came here to get it out! We love you!

Our parents can really screw with our minds no mater how old they are. Change is difficult. You are trying to improve your life, coping, body, fitness level, food consumption while at the same time trying to live by the rules your parents gave you. Some times you just have to point out to yourself that they tried to follow their rules and can not understand why anyone would want different rules. You know how hard change is for you. At 89 it will be even harder. I am in awe of my moms value system. She tells me not to let the weight come back on. Like I can just will it to not come back. She has such a look of disappointment. She is 80 lbs over weight and has battled with weight since I can remember. I have had countless hours of diet teaching with her. She stuggles with what is a carbohydrate. Ice cream while she leaves off bread but eats diet deserts in the dining hall. I am ok with her having those diet rules at 87.

Parents have an extraordinary power to wound us whether they intend it with malice or whether it's a cruel, misguided attempt to get us to affect change. I have many such comments from mine that still rattle around in my head causing pain decades on. I'm so sorry you have a fresh wound from yours.