Thursday, September 27, 2018

It's so good to be home with y'all. Welcome, DiamondD. Good to hear everyone's wise voices.

But still no internet joy. DISH guy didn't make it here yesterday and hopes to be here this afternoon.

Weight this morning was 135.6, which is my 100 pound weight loss place. Calories were 1264, protein 93, and V/Fs were 7. Im happy about all of that.

Book club discussion last night focused our conversation on #MeToo issues, thanks to the book we had read (The Wife by Alafair Burke). Some pretty heated thoughts emerged. Not surprising that different experiences (and lack of experiences) added fuel to the convo.

As with others, the weather here is cooler, and I love it. Much plaiding is happening, and more will happen today. There's something so necessary about plaid when temps go down.

Today's theme: Loving kindness starts with ourselves (by which I mean let's be gentle, loving and kind to ourselves first).

Weight 121.2, calories 1121. Way more sodium than usual, so some of that is likely water. I kind of knew that since I didn't have to get up in the middle of the night even though I drank a lot before bed.

Your book club sounds like fun, Ann. One of my retirement thoughts had been to join a book club, but that hasn't happened and with DH it might be difficult.

I have to admit that I am enjoying dressing for the fall. It is a good change. At the same time I am staging things for Florida shipping, since we will only be in the fall for a little over a month. That is okay too!

DS is worried about being lonely when we go and is talking about getting a *****hilla (he has a friend who has them). I guess I wouldn't mind but I wonder what Justice will think of it when we are home at Christmas?

Today I am traveling to meet with a lawyer about setting up a trust to protect my assets in the event DH ends up in a nursing home for an extended period. Very sad but necessary. Afterwards I am meeting DH for dinner which will be nice. I saw her at the wedding a few weeks ago, but may not see her again until We come home for Christmas.

Have a thoughtful Thursday!

139.6

Good morning, Ann. So nice to reap the benefits of your presence (so- DISH guy- get the hell out to Ann's so we can visit a bit better--PRONTO--Capeesh?) There, I took care of it for you, and am sure he will arrive shortly.

So, the deal with the Miss 150 shingle and its relation to daydreams- I can remember more than once (no judging here, folks- and I hope this is not used at some point in the future to certify me bonkers) that, I would be sitting in church during service imagining that God would visit a miraculous transformation upon me. I would crumple to the floor, melt into puddle of sorts in my clothes and emerge two hundred pounds lighter--Miss 150, a sign of blessing from above, and having been so changed and given a new name, would then be a true witness and example of the great and loving power of God. Nothing grandiose in that daydream, eh? What does this all mean? Heck, I don't know--guess just that, in a way, I think God did give me a new name--and the miracle did happen---just not that way.

Pooh--time up--gotta go will try to pop in later. (Lyle comes out of the kiln today - in how many pieces? I'll let you know.)

Lyle Day! Photo documentation, plz.

DISH (really, HUGHESNet) man arrived early. Actually, he was scheduled between noon and two pm today. But he called me -- lost in the country, looking for my house -- during my yoga class around 9:15 this morning. I had to leave class immediately to go find him and lead him out to the house. Yes, folks, that's how far out in the country I live. Even the satellite people can't find me! ;)

But, obviously, since I'm typing this silliness you can see that I do now have internet service back.

So Hoo-rah! Get ready for tons of T.M.I. :)

A.

The house was oddly quiet last night. Ron was upset and a bit withdrawn. Funny how much impact a little 17 pound dog can make on a household. Mind you, we still had four 50-60 pound dogs at home plus one little 11 1/2 week old bundle of puppy love. The people who have Tank were very kind and sent pictures early this morning along with a note about how much fun Tank had on his 2 mile morning walk and meeting the neighborhood dogs. Tank seems to really like his new people. That is what is getting Ron through the initial sad feelings. Personally, while it was bittersweet to see him go, it was the right thing for Tank and our household to let Tank go to a home where he will be worshipped and spoiled. I am not feeling terribly sad about it, but I did feel the need to take care of the feelings of everyone involved.

I am feeling hungry today, but there is no reason for it. I have eaten plenty. Maybe I just need some extra water. I have the I need to eat something fat and sweet to make me feel sated feeling. It's a real feeling, but it is BS as far as needing something sweet and fatty to make it go away. Gotta love the mind. It works in such a dynamic fashion to get what it wants!

Weight was up today. I'm guessing it's water, but not sure. I haven't eaten enough of anything to warrant a 3 pound gain in 2 days. Maybe workout weight and a little salt from last night's dinner. Who knows.

Getting ready for my trip with Lucky to PA. United now requires paperwork filed in advanced. Ugh... pain in the ass.

It is not cooler here. It was 97 degrees yesterday. High today is supposed to be 88. A nice little cool down.

Devon, you sound so good. You did good by Tank. Have a great trip to PA!

Why thank you! I feel pretty good, I guess. I am not at all pleased by the way I feel in my clothes, or look in the mirror, but most of the time I am forgetting about the outward appearance and content feeling the way I feel on the inside. The only problem is this: How I feel doesn't really match the way I look. The disconnect between my outward reality and internal or inner reality strikes such a dissonance in my psyche that I feel as if jolted out of a bliss induced state and into a bleak cold concrete gray reality from which there is no escape. It is in the end a good thing to have these moments happen though. They help me accept and understand that there is just one me. There is no fat me or thin me. There is no sugar free me, or dedicated, on track me. There is just me. I am the whole and complete package. I am all those things. I have to come to believe and trust that when I am fat I still have so much of which to be proud and to offer. Working on that will help me get back to the body size that works best for me. One day at a time....

I did not succumb to sweets and fatty treats today. Another win in my book. I am having a cup of coffee before heading out to do some shopping.

I know you love a good bargain. Got a sport coat yesterday on clearance. Originally $600+. Clearance price marked down to $120. Had some red tag on it and I got it for a steal at $47.XX! Lovely grey wool mini herringbone with gray slacks. Will look quite nice. Going to try to find a sport coat that will look nice with navy suits pants, too.

Score!

I agree about the sale piece! SCORE!

And I also agree that we are so, so, so much more than a number of the scale.

BTW, I recently saw this ancient, rusting weight scale and took a picture for us. Can you imagine growing up with the belief that there was one specific weight that was "ideal" for each of us? Well, this is what we all actually grew up with. So much of our work now requires us to unpack all the "universal truths" about the ideals / perfections we were taught to strive for ... that have made us feel like failures, because they were lies.