Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Weight: 135.2
Macros: Cals - 1,310, Carbs - 118, Fats - 43, Protein - 103, Fiber - 24
Sleep hours: 5 (got up at 1:15 to catch plane)
Vegetable/Fruit Servings: 8
Exercise: Yoga class and walking
Meditation: Yes

And I'm almost out of here. Have to load up the car and then pull away by 3:45 am.

So much I'd like to chime in on, but not much time. But I must congratulate Bonnie 150 re her FMLA victory. That's massive. :)

Re marijuana - In the late 1960s-early 70s I smoked in grad school. I only smoked nights/weekends - and definitely not every night and never in the daytime or otherwise for school/work. And I won't even mention the other drugs by name, although you can imagine what they were. In any event, my grad school marijuana hobby was responsible for me needing a fourth year to finish my Ph.D., which was supposed to take only three years. Pot somehow diluted my ambition to get **** done. The last year of grad school I stopped doing any drugs.

I didn't smoke dope again until a couple of years ago and only once - and that was thanks to a friend from (cough!) Seattle who handed me a vape pipe of some kind of fancy indica (the NOT soothing variety of cannabis, which is sativa). It was an interesting experience, but I swear I'd rather drink a second or third glass of wine if I want to feel buzzed. At least with wine I can remember what it is I want to say when the other person stops talking. ;)

Must get on the road. Everybody have a great week and a lovely weekend. Remember, life is precious, life is brief.

Today's final theme is inspired by the Powdermilk Biscuits ad from "Prairie Home Companion" (which I sorely miss): [Find] the strength to get up and do what needs to be done!

Ann, have a great trip. Wish I could have come up to meet you and take that dead walnut tree down. Can not catch a break this summer.

I tried marijuana for a month to see if it would help with depression and anxiety but the only thing that happened was weight gain. The CBD oil has no THC in it. I take it every night. Sleep improved. Maybe some pain relief. I have had lots of RX stuff for pain and anxiety but never over used it. Most of the stuff for depression does not work. Or work very long. The stuff for anxiety makes the docs reluctant to prescribe pain meds. Worked construction for years. I could see where regular drug use would take you and I could not afford it. I like my vyvanse but it is easy to get too much of it. Most of the time I split the dose. Wish I would have had it in my 20s.

More later, David. Still seeking peace and trying to do good.

138.2

Product of the 70's university culture here, too. Memory of an experience where I literally turned into something very similar to a piece of soft grey flannel fabric. Cosmic consciousness, I guess. Grey has and remains one of my favorite colours. Have no desire to return to those experiences, but at the same time have no desire to disremember them.

Have a wonderful trip, Ann. Michigan in the fall--my kind of dream destination.

Soft grey flannel fabric....so very comforting! When you wished Ann a wonderful trip for a second I thought it was a very different trip than going to Michigan.

Michigan! Why haven't I been there?

HA!

I've been checking in, but have not posted the last few days. There has been lost of honesty and sincere effort to feel and share feelings. I feel ashamed and inspired at the same time. DC can be difficult to live with. He can be very possessive and jealous which irritates me because he lacks trust. I try to overlook his faults... we all have them.. but some despair is sneaking into my spirit and that is not good. Perhaps some people are just not meant to be partners and I keep finding them. Perhaps I am not meant to have a partner...

The RV, named Seeking Serenity, is still in the dealer's shop, with prolonged debates between the dealer, Forest River, and the manufacturers of the components needing replacement (audio sound system, Refrigerator/freezer, leveling system) about who needs to authorize the replacements. When I called to inquire yesterday, after cancelling yet another reservation, I mentioned how the Lemon Law applies to RVs too, and the general manager called me back, promising to look into it.

Bonnie 150, congratulations on the recognition and use of FMLA ! Dave, glad to hear your brother can help out after surgery. Ann, safe travels... I'll have to tell you about my week long hospitalization after doing battle with a tree while seated on a mower. Cecily.. eager to hear from you ! Paula... Yea you ! BB, positive thoughts for DH's interview tomorrow. Shel, enjoy your staycation... so sorry to heat DH asked DD to lie to you ! That's almost more troubling than the pot. Lesa, Biscuit makes everything better ! Pre-K energy always drained Sadie too ! Diane, Happy Belated Birthday !! PEPS... it's almost Columbus day !!!!!

Sorry if I missed anyone !

Your comments on DC sound like you are doing some reassessment of your future with him. I have no real relationship with DH anymore other than that he is dependent on me. If I hadn't been married to him for a positive 35 years, I would question whether I should stay for the long-haul. But we have a lot of history, children and he would do the same for me. In your case, at minimum I would think that the positive must outweigh the negative or what is the point?

Sorry about the RV frustrations - hopefully the dealer will make it right soon.

I hate the relationship stuff. I'm happy that I married, have a child and family. But, I have honestly wondered over time if I, personally, am appropriate marriage material.

DH is highly critical of other's faults and finds it difficult (impossible?) to admit to anything that doesn't fit what he thinks his high standards. (And, let's be clear here, these are HIS imposed standards.) DD said he seemed ashamed of his use so it didn't surprise me that he asked her to lie. He has asked her to lie before about other things, too.

I want to make sure to add that you seem totally like someone who is meant to have a partner. I guess time will tell if DC is the one but I am SURE you will find a relationship that lifts your spirits on balance. (As you said, we all have faults and all relationships have ups and downs. But, on balance, there should be LIFT)

Weight ? until Monday. Calories 730, protein 106, carbs 42, fat 15. I'm doing what is called CAMAW on the main boards (meat and dairy). All meat (AMAW) is even more efficient, but the things I missed most while traveling were my own coffee and cottage cheese so they are staying in.

I slept from 9:45 pm until almost 7 am this morning, with a couple of breaks to deal with DH. So, I'm back in this time zone. But DH got up in the middle of the night in the dark and got dressed. Hopefully this is still jetlag and not the beginnings of the usual later Alzheimer's confusion about day and night. He doesn't know how to read a clock anymore and even if he could I don't think he understands what time means.

We did go to support group last night. Interesting discussion there on going to a local medical clinic and getting tincture of cbt and thc oil (1:1 ratio). A couple of the women are dosing their husbands twice a day and say it makes their husbands happier and easier to get along with. I need to look into Florida law, because there is no point in trying it if we can't continue it there.

On the subject of pot itself, I think DS does it daily (at night), but not much (or he is very used to it). I can't see a change, though I can if he has a couple of alcoholic drinks. Regardless it does worry me.

Oh and DD is continuing to lose weight at about 1/2 pound a week (nearing her goal). She is having a lot of hair loss. I know people on OH talk about it as being the result of surgery but I do remember that several people I met at WW who lost a lot of weight had it as well. Which is why I assume I would not as I lost a lot of weight a few times in my life and never had hair loss (I didn't after WLS either). Do you think she should see a physician to rule out any other cause? She does seem a physician on an annual basis.

Have a wondrous Wednesday!