Friday, Aug 17th

Good morning,

Starting the post, cuz I can but I don't have that much to say. After my work out, (because....priorities) we are driving to the WA coast to the Long Beach Peninsula. Dogs are coming, too....which makes the best kind of vaca.

BB.....things (Becca's sleep, her personal activities) will change over days/months/years. You will become adept at adjusting your schedule. I'm not worried about your current weight as I type this but from a general health overview, this is kind of the fork in the road that sometimes gets people off track for years. (Many, many people say "until kids, I had a healthy diet and activity routine" Thinking about your husband, in particular, who is older and a man....things like high BP (for example) hit at an earlier age than women. Try keep some sort of activity in your life. It doesn't need to be balls to the walls. Just sort of consistent. American Heart Association has rec's on their website....the volume and intensity are relatively small.

I understand needing extra time in the day....even an hour!....I would plead to the universe. Maybe try to plan a week a month (or weekend) where you do nothing.

Gotta fly! Shel

Weight 119.4, calories 890.

Quick post (this is my fourth try - everytime I edited everything got deleted - in the meantime, Shel started so I had to copy this and delete the entire post - arghhhh): We are leaving to visit our friends in NH in a couple of hours. I'm a little worried about how DH will do sleeping but looking forward to the change in scenery. I hope it doesn't rain the entire time (thunderstorms are forecasted).

I'll try to check in later after we get there, but I don't know what's on deck so it may not be until tomorrow morning when everyone is sleeping except Justice and me.

Have a fantastic Friday!

It's raining AGAIN, but I was able to mow the back lawn yesterday. Going on a surf and turf dinner cruise on Seneca lake tomorrow night. The Fish concert a****kins Glen was cancelled because of the flooding, so there should be a lot less vehicle and pedestrian congestion.

DH has filed for disability retirement. We are looking at Class C RVs as a way to travel with the dogs. The thought of driving the big Class A "buses" terrifies me. The 30-32 foot C's are plenty big and promote glamping.Yes, I want the auto leveling, AC, comfort upgrades !! Peps & Diane (any anyone else who may know), do you have any specific recommendations for sturdy, expandable outdoor dog yards we could set up for our two ? I'm thinking 45" height would be a minimum.

Good day to read more about rewiring my brain. If I could share some rain, I would !!

Weight: 138.8
Macros: ?
Sleep hours: 8
Vegetable/Fruit Servings: 3
Exercise: Walking on beach
Meditation: Yes

I'm hoooome! :) It's good to talk to y'all again. We're expecting rain here today as well. While I was gone it rained a LOT here, and the grass absolutely loved it. So mowing's also on my menu -- if not today, then this weekend.

This past week on the Atlantic with friends was the first beach holiday I've had in decades, and it was beyond wonderful. Now I understand again why so many people want to spend time on beaches watching and listening to the ocean, walking on the beach, and swimming. Just the roar of surf puts my entire body at peace.

While I was gone, I meditated every morning, read more than I've read in months, walked 10,000 steps every day but one, and ate delicious, nutritious, mostly home-cooked food. During long conversations, my dear friend and I shared our challenges, goals, and plans for this phase of life.

I continue to meditate on and study on how my daily habits support all those things and am gaining deeper appreciation for the meaning and value of these truths:

* Stay on my own mat
* Accept all of life's imperfections
* Focus on my actions, not results

Thanks to the gradual healing that continues since my husband died and my recent focus on building daily habits to support my intentions, I find myself right now in one of those high-growth phases that happens after big transitions in life. This time feels like a precious gift.

Today's theme: Do today what needs to be done. And enjoy doing it. :)

Weight: 167.2

Well I sure made my cheat day count, huh? It's probably mostly due to the mix of Chinese food consumed and PMS

Shel-thanks for the advice. I think you're right--I need to keep up some sort of healthy schedule for health's sake. And after talking with my older sister today (who has kids aged 9, twin 6 year olds, and a 3 year old), it doesn't get any easier as the kids grow--it gets harder. While they stay awake longer and can do things for themselves, they also have school and friends and extra curricular activities. So I might as well learn how to adapt now.

But I also see Devon's point and one I've really thought about: focus on maintenance right now. I guess I'm scared to! Because maintenance is hard! Maybe harder than weightloss? Certainly a different kind of struggle.

Still having some weird feels about DH's ex job. I didn't anticipate that it would be such a huge life change...in the midst of such a huge life change. How did we miss the signs? Does anything he did/didn't do even matter? I'm kind of now feeling like it didn't--and that leaves you in another weird "what should I do now/next time" way. Sounds like they've made an offer to someone for what essentially was the job they could've given DH. I know it hurts. It just makes you feel so dadgum replaceable.

He should be hearing about the job lead here soon. The consulting is going really well, but the commuting isn't ideal. I'm really praying he gets this other job offer.

Today is my granddaddy's 90th birthday in Heaven.

We had him on this earth for nearly 82 good years so I suppose I shouldn't get to feel sad at his loss. But days like today, I do.

He died just a few days after WLS. In fact, we checked ourselves out of the hospital early to leave to be with him. He never got to see me lose weight. And that never mattered. But I know he would've been very relieved to know I finally got to do all that I wanted to do, free from the chains of morbid obesity.

When I see myself through his eyes, or my parents' eyes, I know that life was good even when I was obese. I feel very lucky to be loved so hard.

But I have to admit...it is bittersweet looking at my photos with him. I want to see granddaddy. But I see my MO self staring back. I'm sure some of you have this experience with pictures with children and friends, etc. I feel slightly guilty for having some ?anger? at my former fat self. That life wasn't so bad. Why can I find pictures so cringe worthy? Does that ever go away? I suppose it does get better with time. And I am glad to have those moments captured in photo--fat or not.

And I'm also grateful for all the photos I have now that I don't cringe at. Right or wrong, I'm happy and thankful for the experience of liking the person in the picture. Perhaps I still have lots of self-acceptance to embrace. I'd like to be okay with myself at any weight.

Good Morning! I have waded through work week with pot lucks, breakfast and out to lunch. I woke up this am weighing 182. I'm actually thrilled about that. I felt good about the amount and what I ate even though I did eat things that were condusive to weight loss at the pot luck. I tasted a couple of things. I felt in control.

It has been crazy busy, chaotic and so I need to catch up reading.

I'm cleaning and puttering around the house. Dinner with friends tonight. Birthday dinner with MIL tomorrow.

TGIF

Greetings to the Friday Fabulous

148.5 today. I had a slice of pizza last night for dinner that DH brought home from lunch. A delicious indulgence. I really think I would rather eat pizza than chocolate.

Welcome back Ann. Glad your trip was so fun. So good you have good friends to gab with. I lost my very best one a few years back and she is so missed. Yep, the ocean is so calming and healing. Also the world's largest air conditioner.

BB so good you are remembering your granddaddy today and looking at pictures. Enjoy the memories and make sure Becca gets her own of her grandparents.

Shel, you are so right about building in a few healthy habits. Note to self: do what Shel says.

Peps, puppy party is so tempting. Share lots of pictures. Wish someone would figure out a way to bottle puppy breath.

Diane O, go to petco or look on line for what they call an exercise pen for dogs. You can get two of them and hook them together. They fold flat and can even attach to the outside of an RV. I loaned one to our neighbor while her back yard is re-growing.

Liz have a fun weekend. Hope all goes well.

Good luck to all the teachers of the world.

Off to do something constructive. If I start now, our house might be cleaned up by our annual Halloween Party. Diane S

Uh oh! Caught myself having weird (negative/disparaging) feelings again about myself and my weight today.

I had a dream last night that Dr. Cirangle redid my sleeve. It was like a little mini miracle in my sleep. Of course, it being a dream and all, he did it under a local anesthetic, while I was standing up, and then made me promise not to tell anyone how he had done it because he really wasn't doing surgery any longer. Then because it was done with only a local, I had to remind him to prescribe me pain meds for later when it would start to hurt. My sleeve was about he size of a fat pencil. Go figure. I felt like I had been given a chance/gift to do it right on the second go round.

Took Ace and Tank to the vet today for annual check up (Ace) and vaccinations (both). Ace also had a foxtail removed from his paw. Then I parked in the shade and stopped in to get my annual lab work drawn. I will get an overall view of my health over the next 48 hours. I love to see how things have changed or stayed the same from one year to the next.

Body dysmorphia is an interesting thing. I can feel very attractive from the arm pits up and completely horrified by the view from my armpits down to my feet. I should research techniques to get over the self loathing about my body when I'm over weight.

Busy weekend ahead. Dog event tomorrow (An Airedale Fun Day - silly games with your dogs, pot luck lunch, group walk, etc.... the costume race is a lot of fun! Dress your dog up in the costume provided, run with him across the court and back and undress him before your opponents do and you are the winner of the heat! Then the crowd favorite is the hot dog toss! I always get to be the hot dog thrower. So, so much fun. Process of elimination until we have a winner. Each round I step farther and farther away from the dog. We have had to go as far as 4 yards out to toss the hot dog before getting to declare a winner. Luckily, I have a pretty good hot dog pitch.