Monday, August 12, 2018

Weight: 136.2
Macros: Cals 1,215, Carbs 111, Fats 30, Protein 103, Fiber 16
Sleep hours: 4
Vegetable/Fruit Servings: 6
Exercise: Walking lots!
Meditation: Yes

It's 1:00am, and I'm up very early. The airport is 2.5 hours away from home, and my flight leaves at 5:30 am. Yawn!

Last week was a turning point for me in terms of Going Deeper. That's what I told my shrink last visit I was ready to do. The JFDI and related conversation and my discovery of the Zen Habits guy are already producing positive changes. I'm very, very excited about these new directions.

While I'm at the beach with my friends this coming week I'll be posting sporadically, if at all. Keep the porch light on for me.

Today's theme (thanks to Dear Hubby): Every day I wake up is a great day!

I sure hope Ann has a great time. I think it is SUNDAY?

Weight 121, calories ?

Last night was rough. My son's birthfather is a musician and was playing at a local venue. My son had never seen or met him. DS's birthmother told us that he was there and I offered to go with DS to see him if he wanted to. He decided to go but didn't know if he would say anything. But he did. DS went over to him during a break and introduced himself. His birthfather basically said yeah, I remember your birthmother and that's nice and then went on doing what he was doing and ignored my son. Nothing more. Completely blasé about it as if it didn't matter at all. So DS felt rejected and angry. He was a complete mess and wished he had never gone (so do I). How can someone act that way? I'm really at a loss as to how to help my son cope with this other than to just listen and reassure him that it isn't DS's fault. I feel like I've had the same conversation with step DD whose Mom stopped speaking to she and her brother a few years ago. I just don't get it. So I feel inadequate helping my children deal with it because I can't understand it myself other than to know that these "parents" are seriously flawed people. But then my children feel that it means that they too must be flawed???

Very tired today and the gray skys don't help. I hope DS is up soon and feeling at least somewhat better.

Have a sort of good Sunday.

Hugs, Liz. So sorry for the challenges you face navigating through this challenge.

Oh, so sorry about (I was going to say birth parent, but...) sperm donor creepazoid and DS. This kind of **** cuts so sharply, and unfortunately the damage is inflicted upon the innocent party. I cannot say how many times last year broken hearted 10 year olds came to me with just the same issues- Someone (friend) they had given some of their heart-trust-good will-hope to had, in turn, treated them falsely-rejected-getting down to it, hurt them terribly.

We, most of us I think , are taught the right rules of relationship- especially in regards to friends and family. We are told that it is ok to be vulnerable and open with these people, and when they, in turn, cut us open and leave our hearts bleeding and rejected on the floor, the natural thought is, "well, this is supposed to be my friend, blood, whatever..and if s/he treats me this way, I SHOULD feel bad- like somehow it is MY FLAW-MISTAKE-BAD ME.

What your son hasn't seen yet is that it is not he that has played wrongly in this-- the fault is with the (I can't think of any thing low enough to call him) ________. Creep is the Bad guy here- the flawed one- the mistake of a parent.

I love ee *******s, and at the bottom of a certain poem about abuse of power sums it up with this---

"There is some **** I will not eat".

I never used those words, exactly, to those teary eyed, confused, hurt sweetie-pies, but after they would tell me their story I would ask them, "So, did you do anything wrong? You are friends with (so or so). Did you treat them like a nice friend? OK- This is not you---the problem is with them. They did not treat you like a friend. I am so sorry that you are feeling so sad and hurt, but those bad feelings do not belong to you--it is they that should be feeling sorry. Think about what I've said. I am here. I care about you."

In my opinion, you cannot fix or make DS happy over this, but you can walk with him through it. **** HAS happened--it's just that he has mistakenly taken it on as his **** None of us needs to eat the **** anyone dishes out---Let the douche -bag eat it. It belongs to him.

Damn, Liz---I think this might be something that pushes my buttons--ya think?

As sucky as that was for DS, it's an opportunity to look at all the good that no good Yankee low life loser musician caused by being such a f'ing **** head at his core! Birth mom was smart enough to know she could not raise a kid with that piece of **** DS ended up with you and Paul. He was spared being subjected to that horrible spawn of degradation during his formative years.

A father is the male parent. A father is a man who is a caretake, provider and protector to the child. That was Paul. This piece of curbside city s****imply acted as the donor of sperm that fertilized an egg that became the miracle of your son.

Some people are total flea bags whether they appear to be or not. While DS may be upset, which I understand, he does need to look beyond wanting to know why "he wasn't wanted" and focus on how utterly lucky he is that his birth mom loved him enough to allow him to be adopted and have the loving, well guided life with which he was blessed.

Words from one insecure, gay man to another.

Safe travels, Ann ! I concur... this seems to be a breakthrough period of growth for many ! I explored the Zen Guy, Len Babauta, based on all of the references. I ordered "Mastering Change: Briefly", and am eager to move forward.

Sadie's nose is a bit out of joint, and rightly so. Atlas goes everywhere with us and she does not. Her role and level of access are so different and Atlas best fulfills his role as a solo act. I'm going to have to do more walks and activities with her alone, and school therapy visits will be resuming soon.

Interesting how dogs deal with jealousy. Ace and Lucky get on very well, but since Lucky has gone off to camp Ace is much more demonstrative with me. When Lucky is at home Ace will sometimes purposely seek Ron's attention if I'm paying attention to Lucky and then look right at me while Ron is petting him as if to say, "See, someone loves me..." like I pay no attention to him at all. LOL!

Tee hee, dogs are so funny. If I am petting Chip, little Tesla just butts right in. She just crawls all over me. Chip is more of a snuggler. (auto correct put "smuggler") ds

141.4

Today is DS#1's birthday and I anticipate a joy full time will be had by all later this day. Request was for chicken fried steak, potatoes and gravy, fried okra, green beans, my strawberry.rhubarb pie, and (always) Kurt's homemade ice cream.

I will taste it all.

Off to Sunday school and church.

Ann, thank you so much for today's theme. I may be dealing with some hard news and this reminds me to stay in the moment and practice gratitude.

Liz... am truly sorry for your child. Adult's behaviour is just plain wrong, awful and hateful. He is the loser not knowing the fine child that you have raised and loved.

Will be away for sometime as we are hitting the road and going north. The reception will be spotty to say the least.

Enjoy August.