Friday, August 9, 2018

Weight: 137.4
Macros: Cals 1,286, Carbs 124, Fats 33, Protein 128, Fiber 23
Sleep hours: 7
Vegetable/Fruit Servings: 5
Exercise: Walking

I'll start us off today. Carbon, I hope this means your party neighbors and the chickens are letting you sleep in today.

Still processing the issues we've talked about these last few days. I agree with Devon, Miss150, Stephanie, Liz, DianeO and Diane S -- this is an amazing support group. Yes, it'd be cool if we could all get together at some point. But having access to you here on my computer screen and via my keyboard is amazing, too.

I'm still eating lots of protein and fewer than normal V/Fs, which feels like the right emphasis for now. The scales haven't moved yet, but they will.

Today will be busy. Early Sunday morning I'll fly to visit friends in North Carolina. Despite my recent whining about travel, this will be a very different trip from last weekend, and I'm looking forward to long conversations and walking on the beach are kind, smart friends my own age who are also focused on their health.

Today I'm sticking with a version of yesterday's theme: Starting over is part of life, and I embrace it.

There have been an incredible wealth of information and significant insights to process and reflect upon. Yes, Ann, this makes the desire to get together will all of us, in person, much stronger. We do a pretty damned fine job with our virtual connection in the mean time.

Peps.. I totally see how "just" can be an intensifier for DO IT. No, we would never tell a child "just read" or a disabled person "just walk". There is nothing mere or simple about some desired results. I know I can become complacent, and have a range of self talk to rectify inertia and general lack of forward movement. JFDI works well to jolt me out of procrastination. I genuinely believe in the power of "fake it until you make it" combined with "what you think about you bring about", and try to focus on the small steps toward what I believe to be my true desire. I loved Miss Bonnie's perspective that holding the weight of the things I think I value takes up precious space/capacity for the real stuff. Devon, you are totally on point...my desire to be thin is not really my true desire. Facing that reality is what makes maintenance so challenging. The work we need to do on ourselves to begin to hone in on identifying and working toward our core desires may well be the key. The fact that nothing is constant makes the journey even more complex.

I have an aversion to "starting over". To me, that means repeating what already didn't work. I prefer the spin to fresh start. That tweak reminds me to analyze results from the first attempt and keep what worked and make modifications based upon what didn't.

This is an ongoing process that we'll never finish. It is a good thing that everything we need is already within us !!

I love all this, Diane. Thank you.

A.

Such a beautiful post! Thanks for the reflection and validation. XO

XOXO

Weight 119.2, calories 1022. I went out to eat last night, made good choices and didn't have wine so I feel like that was a win. Out for lunch and dinner today, but I think I've already made my choices. I'm kind of getting tired of all this going out!

The heat/humidity seems to have abated a little here this morning. It was only 70 (vs 80) at 7 am and the air doesn't seem as thick. It is still going to be a warm day regardless. I am going out to lunch with my two longest running friends (twins who shared the same neighborhood growing up and live near me now). Then I am taking DH to a photography exhibition where the photographer is part of the Alzheimer's group. We have seen some of his photographs previously and they really are wonderful, but his wife has to explain where they were taken now as the photographer can't remember.

First, I have to finish cleaning my house this morning (fun, fun) in preparation for company over the next couple of weeks. The cleaning transpires before and after yoga. How did my day get so busy!?!?!?

Good Morning! I, too, am still trying to process all that was written. My thoughts went to the Romans verse where Paul talks about his inner struggle of wanting to do what's right and then doesn't. Oh! the inner struggles of it all!

The last couple of days I have feeling unsettled, anxious and angry. Irritated. Sounds are amplified and drive me nuts. I'm sure is has to do the recent hysterectomy. We've been listening to sleep meditation so at least I'm sleeping. And, the CBD oil seems to help me sleep. No Benedryl since Sunday. Hoping I can find some balance soon. I'd like not to start school this way.

I'm cleaning house today, too. Yoga. Dinner with friends has been rescheduled for tomorrow night.

Happy travels, Ann. Always nice to be with people of like mind health wise; easier to make healthy choices. Have fun! Enjoy the walks on the beach.

More coffee and cardinal watching. I have two couples who frequent my feeders. They call each other every morning. Makes me smile.

I'm embracing today blessed and thankful despite my inner struggles. Fake it til you make it!

Greetings Friday Fan Club

In spite of the tremendous amount of food for thought here, I am down a pound to 148. Bacon and tomatoes last night. Somehow a higher fat item is so satisfying that I didn't feel like snacking.

Had a good chat with my doctor for annual physical. My bp is a little highish but it may be the white coat syndrome. My home cuff is not good so I will get a better one. Its the wrist kind - don't ever buy one. We also talked about exercise and wine drinking and such. He talked about his own experiences and says he sometimes goes to yoga class and just lies down in the corner part of the time. Good to know my terrific doctor is also human. And he thinks my weight is fine. Also my blood platelets are well back into the normal range. I told him I knew this as the source of the stress that I am sure caused the problem (Crazy Pat) is now deceased. He also told me overdoes the wine on occasion and he still had the empty giant bottle of extra high proof beer that he drank the night of a certain election. LOL

Still thinking about the JDI conundrum. For me it breaks down into just doing very small things. Tossing a few files, delaying a glass of wine, walking some extra steps, blah blah blah. Rome wasn't built in a day or a week or a month. And I am not Rome anyway. But kind of wish I was there.

I too hope Carbon is getting some sleep and those raucous chickens are bound and gagged.

We continue to be blessed with cool overcast weather. No beach swimming here. Ever. But the views are beautiful. Must go take in some of the above. Will do so tomorrow when I work at the Trinidad Gallery and take some new art up. Tourists usually flock here from Redding but that is where the big fire is and the road is closed.

Here is a joke:

How do you know if a hippie has been in your house?

Answer: He is still there.

What does the hippie say when you tell him to leave?

Answer: Nah Me Stay

LOL. Sitting here in my tent-like old sleep shirt. Makes me feel thing.

Well I am verbally drooling. Time for more coffee. DianeS

141.6

Oh-ho, Diane! Your comments sent images, pictures, and the (ever exasperating - DH?s evaluation of my) metaphors a?flowing freely. That?s how my brain rolls. Here is some of what I ?saw?-

My ?true desires? (unknown to me) is some treasure buried under the burden of my fat. That layer of fat soil is what I mistakenly think is what I have to remove in order to possess my true desire - to be thin. That is why the process/work of loosing the weight is so satisfying....I?m making progress. - I can see it- my goal-I?ll be finally fixed, complete, perfect- the person I?ve always wanted to be.

Except- that upon reaching that goal- desire- I find that being thin is not really THE treasure. I am disappointed, confused, and find myself in basically the same state I was in prior to the WL. So, it?s not being body thin?or even?healthy (all good things)- but not THE treasure I am seeking.

I have invested much?all of me getting to this state, and not having found IT, find myself unable to continue investing the energy needed to maintain the weight loss?I go back to looking for the treasure in the same ways- or worse (eating-alcohol-whatever) in an effort to find it. Maybe I give up- I say, ?If I cant find IT, then I just have to be satisfied with settling for living with a diminished me. Maybe I stop digging, or shallowly Polk around- digging, but I don?t know what i?m Digging For.

YES- Having gotton thru the fat layer, I must continue to dig. There is further work to be done?-?Identifying the core desire? so well put, Diane. I cant find what I haven?t yet identified. Guess the ?further digging? is found in self awareness - I need to know myself.?That is the core desire-There-in-lies the Treasure. ( I think that's what you are saying, Devon).

For me, I never had a chance at being truly self aware. The fat, and all the **** that came with it totally obscured my vision and ability- I, too, discovered my treasure is not in my scale weight. I, too, disappointed, thought that ?returning to Egypt? and said poor consolations was better than wandering around in the desert.

Loosing the weight was only the necessary first layer...If I want to Find IT- I must find out what it is, and that means Continued Digging. Maybe this time around (I like the thought of ?starting again as opposed to starting over?) I won?t wander around so much?continue to dig vainly in the WLsoil for happiness- or God forbid, think about returning to Egypt (been there-done that-).

Yup! That is what I'm saying. It's not enough just to be thin. Thin isn't the answer, even though for years I thought it was. For me I think it's boiling down to learning that I need to be right with who I am. That means I have a lot of layers to peel back to shed the many years of thinking "I am wrong" on so, so many levels. My obesity is a symptom of my underlying "illness". As I work on my "illness" the things that cause me to be obese are slowly shed one fragile layer at a time.