Thursday August 9

Good early morning to you all.

Huge gathering down the cul de sac which sounds as if they are having a good time with no hope of abatement. Behind me is a home with chickens and the ladies are cackling away non-stop with that annoyed cackle they make when they are disturbed. It is a noisy night.

have the best Thursday.

Good morning, all!

I am a solo pharmacist this week at work. So, little posting, tho I try to skim.

Peps, some of your descriptions of JDFI seemed more fitting with my idea of will power, a concept widely debunked by science tho my mother still subscribes.

To me, JFDI is just a neutral way to set up the world for my betterment. An investment in the future. It is not will power.

I take my calcium supplements, even tho they are big, because if I don't, my PTH goes up because I am inexplicably a hyperactive-calcium excreter. (Good grief.)

Every evening, I set up the next days clothes and foods, even tho I would really rather sit on the couch and think of magical ways to douse wildfires and the 2016 election.

So far, JFDI has not gotten me to mail back DianeS's Humboldt hiking book. IT IS STILL HERE!

Does JFDI fix my inner dysfunction regarding food? Nope. But, it is a neutral tool to make my relationship with food easier.

My own JFDI best practices for food, do, in in some measure, quiet the otherwise continuous inner negotiation between self and self about whether (for example) I am going to have toast before I work out. (Nope, because if I do, I will have heartburn during exercise which is unpleasant.)

Gotta run,

Shel

Shel, I so like your thoughts on JFDI.. Yes, yes, and yes!!!

jfdi is not a means to a desirable end. Jumping over the process and projecting all the work needed to complete said goal renders the task insurmountable.

For me, jfdi is owning that in every moment of my life, I am called on to make bizillions of decisions, and how I decide will determine the outcome. How I make all those decisions daily determines whether or if I am just fking doing it (whatever - as you so well example it) is or not.

Weight 118.2, calories 867. I need to continue avoiding alcohol and stick to the routines I've established to feel satisfied. We are out to dinner tonight and tomorrow but both times with groups where there is little or no drinking so that makes it easier. A glass of wine is like a gateway to eating for me a lot of the time and I don't really miss it when I don't have one.

It was 80 at 7 am this morning and so humid it is like Aruba where glasses fog up as soon as I go outside. We didn't go to the National Seashore yesterday, but I did clean the upstairs thoroughly (even scrubbed the bathroom floor on hands and knees which makes me feel so much better about it's cleanliness). I'm going to do half the downstairs this morning and the other half tomorrow, so the house is in good shape. We have company coming again next week and the following week and the house was overdue. Lest you think I didn't take DH anywhere yesterday, we did go to the beach in the mid afternoon and stayed until 5. The breeze and the water were glorious. No shock getting into the water now, because it is so warm. And I made fish tacos from scratch last night. They came out pretty good - the slaw and mango salsa were perfect. The only change I'd make is more seasoning on the fish (maybe lightly blackened).

So, now to Devon and everyone's though provoking discussion yesterday. I really don't know if JFDI is what I need, but I know that what I did in the past didn't work. I do a lot of things now that I never did in my life like daily weighing and pre-planning. I did track for a while at WW and went to weekly meetings, but I wasn't really accountable to myself. And though I would keep my "points" low I often filled them with crap food. I pay attention to what I eat now. I need to eat stuff that fills me up and satisfies me, which happens to be food good for me (it took me over 60 years to figure that out). Last night I was craving bread and cookies again, so I had some of my homemade cottage cheese. I felt full and the craving stopped. I'm fine just avoiding eating when I am out doing things, but not when I'm home especially in the evenings. That's when I have to have something filling and satisfying. And I give myself permission to add food as long as it is healthy.

The phrases which really resonated with me were:

"One of the hardest aspects of being on the journey to or from obesity is the self judgement we inflict on ourselves." Yep, this is why "falling off the wagon" was generally a long road of regain for me.

"we really do at some point need to pick ourselves up off the shelf, dust off our jackets, crack open our inner books and start looking at the pages that make up who we are." I agree that if we don't understand our inner motivation we can never be successful.

"ask yourself why you just haven't done it." Similar to the previous comment.

Too much deep thinking for me this early in the day. I need more coffee!

Have a deeply thoughtful Thursday!

Weight: 167.8. Yow

Shel-I agree with your take on JDI being "neutral" in the relationship with food.

I'm going to have to keep thinking on everyone's take on JDI. You all make me think, and for that I'm extremely grateful. Devon makes some very good points--why haven't I done it if all I need to do is "just do it."? In fact, that almost makes it sound like I'm intentionally not doing it/being "bad". If I keep doing what I've done, then I'll never get anywhere (except headed in the same direction I don't want to go!). On the other hand, I think sometimes I do know what needs to be done and don't do it. I just read something about the number 1 reason for procrastination is perfectionism, and 2nd is fear of the unknown. These ring true to me with respect to weightloss. Sometimes it's easier to chill out today, vowing to make the calorie cuts tomorrow. If I can't meet my calorie goal, then why not eat everything in sight? And the second one goes a little to one of Devon's points--fear of the unknown. Can I even lose weight again? Will I be able to get back down? Or what about to my original goal weight? One level beyond: Do I even deserve to be that thin? I remember early out when I had lost about half the weight and was around 200lbs., people told me how good I looked (implied: "for a fat person."). Is this just good enough for me? As long as that's my decision, I'm okay with it! I've actually wondered where my weight should be. My original goal was to be "half of myself", which would be 138.5. Maybe that would be too thin on me. Never been there, even close. 150 is a nice number for me. 167.8 is heavier than I'd like to be. I would consider 160, but honestly I'm not ready to be that close to a number I dislike.

Headed out of state to meet up with hubs and see his apartment/work. I know we'll be eating out a lot (soo...wait to start the diet Monday? Lifelong problem). Good news is it's sounding like he may be getting a job offer here in the near future. I'm definitely excited for that, but he's starting to really like the flexibility (and pay) of consulting. Oh lordy. I really hope he takes it if offered.

Noisy neighbors really mess with sleep. Chicken noise does not bother me because they do not know any better. Partying neighbors know.

Family time here. DS#1 / DDIL#1 s cabin and DS#2 and DDIL#2 up from Florida. It has been a couple of years since they moved. Nice to see everyone. Went out on the river one day. Beautiful setting. DS#1 is a good cook. Last night smoked pork, spicy beans, scalloped potatoes. Grilled hamburgers one night, steaks the next. Hard not to over do but ice cream in the freezer has remained in the freezer.

Eating has been ok, but alcohol remains. New Med is helping with pain but has increased appetite and sleepiness has increased substantially. Wt is up too. Hope that is short term side effects. Surgeon appointment on the 21st.

Baby Adalyn is feeling some better with the tube placement. Tubes or no tubes she has me totally wrapped. I am enjoying the grandpa duties. Swinging her in the swing, walking in the stroller and generally seeing to her every need. She fights sleep like a ninja.

Grass seeds are planted. More fields to plant but it will be a cheaper seed. The farm is really shaping up. Next is a bigger more portable chicken coup. The hens are starting to lay small eggs. We butchered about a dozen roosters last week. There is one rooster left. Got to be the happiest rooster I have ever seen. He crows all the time. I think he is saying he is great full to be alive with 40 hens.

I have been trying to keep up with the daily conversations. I try to post then get distracted. Should do short bursts.

Anyway more later, David

Weight: 137.4
Macros: Cals 1,299, Carbs 97, Fats 39, Protein 143, Fiber 16
Sleep hours: 7
Vegetable/Fruit Servings: 3
Exercise: None

Yesterday was all about protein (mucho canned chicken), which my body was craving. Haven't had protein cravings like that for a while.

I'm still rereading yesterday's posts and meditating on them all. Thanks to everyone, especially Bonnie and Devon whose posts got me thinking hard. Liz, the comments you referenced above vibrated hard for me, as did these:

Bonnie: Nothing works if you don't do it. ... I need to be okay with it not being fun. ... At the end of the day our own road to health is as individual as each of us.

Devon: I challenge you to not "Just Do It", but instead ask yourself why you just haven't done it. Why do you not "Just Do It"? ... . Perhaps there is much more going on with you internally than you wish to recognize. ... It's not just enough to want to be thin, and that if I ever go looking for the answers to my eating disorders, I don't need to look any further than myself. ...

Miss150: ... I cannot pick up (just do..) anything of value until I will first put down whatever it is I am already holding as being the most important thing to be had.

Not as unrelated as it might seem, I've just remembered how much I hate August around here. It's hot, muggy, weedy, and not very pretty. These dog days of summer always affect my mood. This is the time of year hubby and I used to run away to Vancouver, BC. A year ago when we were up there, DH discovered a new tumor on his chest. On the flip side, it's where/when we met Shel. :)

It's impossible not to notice how many stresses are present in our lives, including illness and death and caring for others. And then there are life's frequent irregularities that disrupt our healthy regimens and schedules.

Which reminds me of something my husband often suggested: "Let's not make it complicated."

Today's theme: Starting over is part of life. I can resist it or embrace it.

Your theme today ought to be a life precept! I am writing this down because it speaks so accurately to what I am experiencing right now.

Thank you, Devon. And again, thank you for picking up the reins that Bonnie handed you and you responded with your blog post re "Just Do It."

Yesterday's discussion has sent me on an internet pilgrimmage today around how to change habits. Below are some notes I took from a YouTube video I listened to this morning, which was an interview with Leo Babauta, a blogger in the Bay area who writes the www.zenhabits.net blog and coaches people. He actually doesn't seem the least bit your basic asshole guru. Anyway, the following passages really spoke to me of what you were saying yesterday in your JDI post.

How people feel about themselves gets in the way of all their desires to change their habits. So if you have this bad feeling about yourself (low self esteem, like all of us do) you're not going to succeed at changing your habits because that just keeps getting in the way. You think, "I can't do this thing." So you start doing it in fear. And when you act from that place of fear, trying to exercise just manifests to you as another example of how sucky you are.

Everyone is going through some level of pain, whether you're not taking care of yourself physically or coming from stories we tell ourselves that keeps us in that scarcity or lack place, which plays a part in everything.

Here's a story I heard about the Dalai Lama: He was giving a talk in the US when he first came here years ago. Someone asked him about how to deal with the challenges associated with disliking yourself. The Dalai Lama was puzzled by the question, so he asked if others in audience had this kind of dissatisfaction. Everyone raised their hand. The Dalai Lama was blown away. Apparently where he lives people don't hate themselves. Obviously, it has to do with our culture. It's a theme through all our lives.

The whole self-love thing helps us find what is good about where we are now. "I'm not good enough now, and if I buy this book or take this course, and then I'll be ideal." Then I get the book or do the course or try to start a new habit but I still feel the same way about myself and am not ideal yet. So you reject the book or the course or the habit because you haven't addressed the root problem.

So if you come from an I love myself or I'm awesome place, does that mean I just automatically go back on the couch and not do anything new? No, because really loving yourself leads to a motivation to improve yourself. So if you can come from a place of I love myself, so what do I do now? that's more powerful. And even if you can't love yourself right now but you can love others, you'll do amazing things in the world out of a desire for service to others.

Babauta also has a lot of great things to say about procrastination. One of the most powerful things is that every time we say we're going to do something and then don't do it that it builds neural pathways in our brain that are hard to climb out of. And the way to climb out of those bad habits is to start doing, even in a small way, what we say we want to do -- NOW. For example, if we want to exercise but procrastinate doing it, i.e., when you think, "I want to / need to / must exercise more!" instead of waiting until everything is perfect for that to happen (ain't ever gonna happen!), drop to the floor immediately and do two push-ups. The next time you think you want to or need to exercise, drop to the floor immediately and do two push-ups. (Could be something besides push-ups, but you get the idea.) Pretty soon the intention to exercise will become stronger and easier to take action about. The point is -- start building neural pathways that you begin to use that make it easier to actually DO WHAT YOU INTEND TO DO.

BTW, all the previous paragraph is my recollection of the gist of what he is saying. That's why it sounds like me instead of him. ;) But it's his idea. I've been trying out this principle this morning, and I feel a helluva lot more cheerful and hopeful than I did two mornings ago. :) And I've actually accomplished several things I have needed to do all week long, but only accomplished putting them on a to-do list.

Oh, Ann, thank you so much for the research. I would be so much better informed if not wiser, even, if you had been my "paraselfawarerpathfinder" from the beginning!

So if you come from an I love myself or I'm awesome place, does that mean I just automatically go back on the couch and not do anything new? No, because really loving yourself leads to a motivation to improve yourself. So if you can come from a place of I love myself, so what do I do now? that's more powerful. And even if you can't love yourself right now but you can love others, you'll do amazing things in the world out of a desire for service to others.

All I can add to that is- amen