Monday, July 23, 2018

Weight 119, calories 1145. Company over many days makes it tough to eat well... DS is cooking scallops and risotto tonight. Yummm!

Where is everyone? I though Ann would have posted by now. Today we have friends, DS dinner, support group meeting and yoga. Time to get moving (I already went to the food store and did a load of laundry). Justice and I are enjoying the last few minutes on the deck before we need to get going again.

Oh and the Barnstable County Fair which is next to our neighborhood starts today, so that means extra traffic for the next week. But we may go on Friday for Maddie and Tae. No need to find parking!

Have a marvelous Monday!

Good morning!

I had some nice text chats with my cousins last night (children of the aunt, who are amazing in spite of having her as a mother). I told them my Dad wants to kick her out and send her home because she verbally abuses me. They said that's because she's an abusive person! Yesterday she told a group of people that I hated my grandmother (her mother). I was 8 when she died and had only met her a couple of times because she didn't like my mother. What 8 year old hates someone they don't know? She makes up these bizarre narratives in her head and then spews them as fact. When you correct her, she digs in and gets mean. I wanted to say, I didn't hate her, but I hate you right now!

Her daughter said I need to stand up to her. I don't like confrontation! But she's right that my aunt sees that as weakness and will keep getting worse until I push back. My Dad says she's never going to be invited back. My other cousin and his partner said she's never going to visit them in Atlanta again. How sad to be a person that burns bridges with your family every time you open your mouth.

Here's a food one. I think I mentioned she claims to know everything and everyone better than you. She said this morning she wanted to eat something before taking a pill so I opened the fridge to show her what I had around for breakfast. On Bonnie's suggestion, I bought a few of those Just Crack an Egg cups. I offered her one of those and she said dismissed it with "Oh I've had those." Then immediately followed with "What is that?" Grrr. I said "I thought you said you'd had them?" She says "Well I probably have." Just Crack an Egg, I say. She huffed and said "Oh I don't want that." She's never had one, but it's her default reaction to everything to already know it! Maddening.

I counted wrong. 5 more days counting today... Out of all of this, what I am grateful for is that my Dad didn't inherit whatever is it that makes her her. He's awesome. My life would have been so much harder if he had!

Thanks for the venting...

She's TOXIC! Disengage now. Tactful suggestion- (I know you didn't ask, but I can't help myself)- Next time she burns you with one of her verbal matches- , "Auntie, I'm sorry, but I cannot be around you when you treat me so ill." Do not engage in discussion--walk away and let her reflect on how she needs to change IF she wants to be in your company. Give her another chance. If she is no different- rinse and repeat. Do this in love (for your self) and with out anger (towards her). She may never be able or willing to change, but you do not have to eat the **** she dishes out.

Advice welcome! I like that. My cousins say she only responds to sledgehammer approaches, but she can't zing me if I'm not around to zing.

Gosh that sounds terrible. I'm sorry I don't really have any recommendations. Unfortunately she's probably coming from a place of hurt (in my experience people who act this way usually are). But that doesn't mean you should or deserve to be put through this. Hugs!

I'm sure you're probably right. I think she's unbelievably insecure and it manifests in her having to make herself out to be better and more knowledgeable than everyone around her. But mostly she's a classic narcissist with no filter, empathy or "emotional intelligence." When I asked my cousins how they turned out so sane, the answer was "tens of thousands of dollars of therapy..."

How awful for you to have to deal with this! And when you don't like confrontation to be to be told that is the only way to deal with her! Can your father intercede and tell her to shut her trap around you? She does sound Toxic as Miss150 put so eloquently.

This is where being a peacemaker makes more trouble for me. With both having cancer and being 77 (Dad) and 80 (aunt), I don't want him to insert himself and damage their dysfunctional relationship any more than it already is. Because he would defend me to the point of cutting her out of his life if she pushed him. And I don't want that for either of them. I just have to put on my big girl pants and stand up for myself and avoid any future long visits!

That's a girl! Give yourself a wedgie and let her deal with YOU!

Good morning

the family of 10 have arrived and all is well. Sleepers all over the house. Should be a fun few days.

negative people are hard to be around. I had to ' drop ' a very close friend who, I think, is developing some kind of brain problem because no matter if you said the sky was blue she would immediately say, no! It is green. It got so that we ended up talking about nothing because I was always always wrong. But the straw that broke the camels back was when she told me that I knew nothing about a certain subject that had just finished writing and submitting a paper for a research project. At first I thought it was just me but sadly it turns out that many people have stopped being with her for that reason. Tragic because underneath she is/was the kindest sweetest person. Her family do not acknowledge that something is brewing and that is sad as well. I miss the real her dreadfully and feel very guilty but it was just too difficult.

Have a good week everyone.