Friday June whatever

10 Principles to Intuitive Eating:

1. Reject the Diet Mentality
2. Honor Your Hunger
3. Make Peace with Food
4. Challenge the Food Police
5. Respect Your Fullness
6. Discover the Satisfaction Factor
7. Honor Your Feelings Without Using Food
8. Respect Your Body
9. Exercise-Feel the Difference
10. Honor Your Health

Well, well... session at shrink was good. I had more to say than I realized and I was able to verbalize how much I want to be well. Afterward, I went so far as to contact my former nutritionist who now lives in Washington state and is on staff at Puget Sound U. I am hoping maybe she will be inclined to work with me again via FaceTime or phone. Perhaps the time is right to do some more intense work.

Biggest Ah ha of the past week for me is this: I don't want to put in the work it takes to manage my weight issues. It's a lot of time consuming work. I am sick and tired of "dieting" or being on plan, or losing weight. I'm sick of the f'ing work it takes to play that game. However, I was able to glimpse a hang on to a core knowledge that I am willing to put in the work to "get well".

I was thinking more about the Intuitive Eating philosophy (and currently have it pasted at the beginning of my text for reference). For me, there is one element that is missing. It has to do with emotional dysfunction of obesity. To me it's more than a need to "Make Peace with Food" or "Honor Your Feelings Without Using Food" or discovering a fictitious "Satisfaction Factor".

For me there is a real need to accept the fact that I use food for specific purposes and understand that I use food because it worked for a very, very long time. The problem is that it doesn't work as well as it once did. I am too aware. I am more aware of my eating than I am about being fat. It's not so much about the weight anymore as the eating and the emotional roots of the eating and understanding the rabbit hole down with sugar leads me. Being fat/overweight/obese is a symptom. It's not the real problem. I have spent years and years treating the symptom. I now want to treat the actual illness.

Treating the symptom is the weight loss game. That's why I suck at maintenance. Maintenance is where you have to start treating the disease itself, if you want to be successful. I never bothered treating the illness. And just to be clear, my relationship with eating, food, perception of normal behavior, diet bargaining, choice rationalization, etc... is my personal illness. It is an illness that took root in early childhood and was misdiagnosed for decades; by myself, my family, and the medical community. Essentially, I was diagnosed with a failure of character rather than a deep rooted emotional reliance of food to help me cope with the stressors of life and my feelings of inadequacy, which were only compounded by my weight management issues. Instead of help, I was told to find internal discipline, eat less, and not to be weak of mind, spirit and body. And that is what I have been trying to manage for more than 40 years.

I can not begin the treatment with a list of steadfast rules. I can not create a list of off limit foods. That is the diet game. Instead, today I'm going to try to be aware of what makes me tick, what makes me uncomfortable, and recognize that there is real fear in stepping off the path I have been walking and forging ahead on a path I have not really stepped upon. I am relying on help to do this. I know I will not be successful alone. I will not manage this perfectly. For now this is a moment by moment thing. The one thing I am able to promise myself is that I will be aware. I can commit to being aware. For today, that is enough.

Inspired by Shel... photo journalism... thanks for the tidbit on your successes!

I can not tell you how much I want to find your local (to me) nutritionist and photobomb your Skype session.

Nice pic! Is that a blueberry shake? Suddenly I want a blueberry shake. I already had an egg bite.

Don't be afraid to take a pic of something that isn't as lovely and healthy. Sometimes I would flip thru old pics and think "that wasn't all that bad...." Sort of a way to neutralize something my brain was delusional about. Or, maybe less delusion and more Machiavellian ploy to get me to say "fuck-it!...today is ruined, I'll eat what I want and restart tomorrow."

Which reminds me of something an elderly patient told me when I asked him how he was doing: "I just learned that I shouldn't let perfection get in the way of good."

(I often get more out of appts than the patient. I should pay their copay).

Let's all note that I can "fuck" too! Feeling very pleased.

Blueberry Banana Shake:

1 cup milk, 1/2 0% Greek Yogurt, 1 scoop vanilla protein powder, 1 cup frozen Wild Boreal Blueberries (Trader Joe's) and 1 banana. Split between Ron and me. Was pretty yummy.

One of the best things is I don't know the macros....Yet....LOL!

Greetings Insightful Ones

What a great set of posts to read today! Luv all my buddies here. What I don't love is the 150 on the scale today. Methinks I am full of you-know-what.

Carbon 8 kids approaching!!!!????? I would move and leave no forwarding address. Indeed find a cocoon or tell your guests you have a doctor appointment in another town and then go nap in the public library. You are a B and B superhero!.

Well I skimmed a little on the intuitive eating site. Maybe will sign up. Its kind of the thing of that Diets Don't Work book. Imitate the habits of thin people, don't eat what doesn't taste good and ask yourself if you are still hungry etc. Not a bad way to go but like Peps says, some of us have a far more serious food problem that may need some stronger medicine. Great post Peps, gotta review it again.

LOL Shel, avocado price inflation! You should indeed write a book. So funny what people ***** about. (note to self: stop *****ing about stupid stuff - but wait, its my main entertainment!!)

I had an interesting experience last night. I made super crispy bacon and sliced tomatoes for dinner. It was so good. I found myself hoping I would not reach my "full" point before I finished the meal. Indeed I had to wait a bit to eat the last couple of tomato bites. Not a good thing. When I am done I should be done and have no regrets about tossing some food. Must think about this. Or stay away from bacon or cook less. Hmmmmmm......

Well Ann you have the right idea on friends. Enjoy them as the gift they are.

BB, Ann is right. You and DH are a class act and always take the high road.

Paula so great you can dream about Ben. Maybe even write some of that down. But hey, you just did by posting here!

Peps, I have entered Tesla at the shows in Dixon. Just found out there are majors again!

Much running around to be done today. Better get at it.

Diane S

Weight ungarbed 160.4. Oops. Went too far the other way.

Hello from MI! I got in late afternoon after we stopped to pick up my aunt on the way. She's already driving me crazy (she says she knows everything you tell her, has seen or done everything better than you, etc. It's maddening. Once I said a baby we just met was one of the cutest I'd ever seen. Her response was I've seen cuter. It's that stuff all day long. But she's 80 so I deal and vent later).

It's so beautiful here. I'm sitting on a deck watching boats go by in the channel and a kite the neighbor must be flying.

I did a big grocery run this morning and bought an InstantPot for here to get back to making my own yogurt. I think being out of my chair and healing environment will be good for me - a return to normal. I walked on the beach and then a mile on the treadmill. I'm bushed and have a headache! Amazing how easily you can lose your strength.

Anyway, now a quick lie down to rest my back before I cook dinner for 5!

Gosh, I hope I'm not like that when I'm 80.

Isn't there a famous saying that as we age, we all become caricatures of ourselves? She's always been like this. It's just intensified now. Concentrated Ann at 80 will just be more awesomeness!