Thursday July 19, 2018

I believe your sister to probably be right in her thinking, and her solution- dealing with a narrow, finite, won't cross that line approach--yes, that is the How of it.

My problem with implementation of that system is in the "intuitive eating" part of the system. I have called food everything but a red-headed step child- and used it for every inconceivable purpose under the sun.- It has been my reward, punishment, sleeping pill, avoidance mechanism, lover, comforter, dictator, slave owner of , and soonandsoforth...

It is as if food and I are at odds and war with each other, but when I stop and look closely, I see that I am really at war with myself. There has to be peace between us, and then, just maybe then, I can implement your sisters strategy.

Oh, Bonnie. Yes, do keep slogging! Making peace with food -- that's not a small thing for most (all of?) us.

Every year as I approach my surgiversary (August 18) I think that maybe THIS is the year I can evolve enough to begin trying to eat eating mindfully without having to control so strenuously my eating plan through daily planning and tracking. Maybe THIS is the year that I will attempt to become "someone who eats like a natural skinny person," although I'm not certain that natural skinny persons exist except in parallel universe meadows with unicorns and Disney princesses.

Does Miley Cyrus ever worry about her weight? Angela Merkel? What about Julia Roberts? How do they navigate this mess? Actually, I just googled "what Julia Roberts eats" and found this: https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/health/diet-nutrition/a4389 6/julia-roberts-healthy-lifestyle/ And yes, she uses the word "mindfully," which I'm starting to think means "don't be an idiot."

Do you guys know anyone who's had WLS who is "eating mindfully without tracking" and doesn't gain weight? Ever heard of that species?

P.S. Actually, I believe that AnneGG, the 8-year veteran who posted the other day, doesn't track and hasn't regained. Hmmm ... I may start a general forum thread on this.

P.P.S. EDIT: Actually, I've done some more google-fu and learned that it's not mindful eating I need (apparently, I'm already eating pretty mindfully), but it's INTUITIVE eating I am not so good at and want to improve. One source says that intuitive eating involves these principles:

10 Principles to Intuitive Eating:

1. Reject the Diet Mentality
2. Honor Your Hunger
3. Make Peace with Food
4. Challenge the Food Police
5. Respect Your Fullness
6. Discover the Satisfaction Factor
7. Honor Your Feelings Without Using Food
8. Respect Your Body
9. Exercise-Feel the Difference
10. Honor Your Health

Although this list sounds a bit like an edict from the Church of Intuitive Eating, it does mention areas I feel shaky about when I eat commando, i.e., without pre-planning or tracking my meals.

My ultimate goal is to be an intuitive eater. I don't know that I will ever make it there, but I will keep trying.

It seems like that would be easy because there are no hard and fast rules, but that's exactly what makes it hard. I don't want to have to learn to stop because I'm full. I love food. Isn't it easier to be promised thinness with x,y,z foods so long as I don't eat a,b,c (a la paleo/keto/atkins, etc.?) I'm CONVINCED that as wonderful as intuitive eating is, the reason people don't embrace this is because it takes fostering a good relationship with food. It's so much easier to remove ourselves further from food and enjoyment. A long time ago someone told me a lie: that food is fuel. It is that but at least for me personally it cannot Ishould not?) be separated from everything else that it is. My relationship with food is multi-faceted and ever-evolving. My previous diets have been to treat the symptom and not the source of the problem. And maybe that's okay in a weightloss phase. But that simply will not suffice (again, for me at least) in a long-term maintenance. No way I'm ever giving up birthday cake. And any long term plan that suggests that is doomed to fail. That being said, I'm sly like a fox when it comes to rationalizing food. It can be someone's dog's birthday and that may seem like a good reason to indulge. It's hot outside so I need ice cream, it's snowing so let's make comfort food and on and on. I still have trouble finding my happy medium. I'm trying to not freak out about hunger. Hunger is okay. And if 3 bites satisfies me, so be it. The toughest nut to crack for me is that enough is enough. I have a "more is more" tape in my brain.

Yes, food is a lot of things besides fuel.

But food is also what carpets my slipperiest slope.

That's why I've never been able to have a trusting relationship with food. (That makes food sound like a philandering boyfriend.)

Truth is, I don't overeat very often when I'm depressed or down or tired or angry or suffering from so-called negative feelings. Food gains the upper hand over me when it's party time.

It's similar to something my mother said decades ago after waking up with a rare but brutal hangover after we had enjoyed a very fun evening: "Scotch is a traitor!"

Funny--right now, this very second, in this so-called trusting relationship with food, I feel like I'M the traitor. Food is food, and food will do just what it will do--I'm the one not to be trusted with an honest, respectful approach--hmmmm.

I so like what you said about fostering a good relationship with food. I've created a false relationship, and that makes it a broken relationship--no wonder I'm in conflict --but, really, the conflict is with myself--. I AM FOOD!

The Intuitive Eating community is fascinating. I, and not for lack of trying, was not able to buy into the 'non diet' mentality that is so pervasive in that community. I found many people used the Intuitive Eating philosophy to excuse their obesity. However, I do find the philosophy and true tenets of the book to be pretty spot on. You can join the online community, http://intuitiveeatingcommunity.org. I have made posts there under user name Devon. There is a woman who goes by Katcha. She has a lot of good advice and seems to be walking the walk. She used to be very active on their boards.

Thank you, Devon. I'll check that out.

Yah, check off numbers 1, 3 (big time), 5 (I don't know how, but I can be both masochist AND sadistic on that front), and, of course #8. So many of those principles mentioned have more to do, in my estimation, with self than they have to do with food- respect, honor, peace, truth, contentment...

You know, if I treated myself as thoughtfully maybe I might treat food likewise--with respect, honor, peace, truth and in contentment.

I AM FOOD!

Those are some interesting insights you've offered above, Bonnie150.

How funny it would be if this were really NOT about our relationships with food, but about our relationship with ourselves.

Thank you!