Thursday July 5, 2018

Weight 118, calories 2289. The cannoli dip I made for our friends cookout was a hit. I helped eat a lot of it... All I can say is that that stuff should NEVER be in my house!

I am feeling down again and I think it is because I'm lonely. Even when DH is up, he really isn't here. There are no "conversations". I feel guilty saying this knowing that Ann and Paula truly have lost their companions. It is strange to lose someone, but not? Maybe part of it is that everyone else thinks you aren't alone?

Regardless, it is another hot day here. The heat wave in Massachusetts is supposed to break with thunderstorms all day tomorrow. Unfortunately that is when we are supposed to go sailing on Martha's Vineyard with DSD. I hope that if it is cancelled that happens tonight as I have to get DH up by 7 am tomorrow if we are going.

Have a thoroughly good Thursday!

Liz, I was extremely lonely in my marriage, so I get it ! I think you are right... people assume that because you are married and live together you share a life. Absolutely not so ! My heart aches for you and for those who lost a true life partner, and/or are estranged from a parent or child.

Our head and humidity is supposed to break later in the day too. I'm up three pounds today, but I forgot my Lasix last night and had lots of salty foods throughout the day. Grateful that lymphedema minimal, will drink, drink, drink today AND lean into the knowledge that it is not a genuine weight.

Stay safe from fire, hydrated from head/humidity, nurtured when lonely, validated when challenged, and loved at all times, especially when you make damn sure to love yourself !!

Liz and Ocean- God never lets us off the hook (in an accountability sort of way) as he nudges us to a greater understanding of that human condition called relationship. I think it's because in coming to honest terms with who and where we are in it all, we can make decisions about and maybe draw closer to him as we love one another in the greatest capacity that we can given the other person.

Well, substitute the word me and I for us in the P. above---I sit here wondering what Kurt must have thought, been thinking, feeling during that time I was so not there. I was in the house, but that was all and I mean all. What I thought was that I was hiding it well...realistically--how the hell could that have been the case? We haven't really talked about it yet. I, of course, am afraid to bring it up, because, in this case---It really was my fault, and I hurt him. What you've said brings that to light-

Any way, just a peek from the other side to let you know that sometimes, maybe even now, how you are feeling is not only real, it is legitimate and righteous loneliness. - nothing you asked for - the heart truly is a "lonely hunter".

147.4

Good morning,

Liz, I hope you are able to keep your plans.

All of you have spot on observations about loneliness. I agree, Liz, that others forget that not only are you alone, but you also are on duty all the time as a care giver. A double whammy.

Too many chocolate chip cookies consumed yesterday and one already today. But my day's food moving forward is healthy. Onward.

I am going to the Hoh Rain Forest on the peninsula. (DH is working so I am a solo traveler in keeping with today's theme.) Sort of a long travel time for a day trip, but it includes a ferry ride which is never a hardship. View from the deck in pic below.

Peace and hope,

Shel

Liz, your feelings are real and just. You have become a caretaker. That is a very different role from partner/soulmate/best friend/lover.

My heart goes out to you, Paula, and Ann. You have all lost your husbands this year. Your DH may still be physically here, but the man you fell in love with is for all intents and purposes gone. That is horribly sad.

Same old, same old here. On puppy countdown. Eating isn't great, but it's not horrible. Didn't do much for the 4th, which was probably a good thing. Kept Keira and Lucky calm during the booming with 4 drops of CBD oil each. It is the miracle cure for my sound sensitive pups. Ella would have enjoyed using it, too, but I wouldn't give it to her because of the babies - there is no research on the effects of CBD oil on unborn puppies. Not a risk I'm willing to take.

Just house maintenance and chores on the docket today.

Be glad I don't live closer because I would totally barge in and snuggle puppies day and night once they're here.

That would be just fine. Socialization is the key to happy and emotionally healthy pups as they mature. I do all sorts of things (including Corally Burmaster's Puppy Head Start program) to get my pups ready for their lives as family members. The more positive exposure they have with folks, the better it is for them!

Greetings Peeps, Peps and Pets

148.5 today. No clue why. we had crispy bacon for dinner last night. I've been eating eggs instead of gy lately but that should be about the same calories.

We had a low key fourth. Tesla is really worried by the noise and has to take a chill pill. So we mostly hugged her and watched the national concert on tv. We are becoming such old people that we hate to go out after dark though we have gone to public displays in the past.

Still fighting the cold from hell. And today my nose decided to bleed. EEEEEWWW tmi. I've got all the legal drugs I can get except the codeine and I am not in the cough phase. Makes me cranky because there are three days of dog shows here starting tomorrow and I have to get up early to drive there and unload junk. Not fun with a drippy nose. But I will have buddies there and there is always something amusing.

Liz hope the heat breaks and that the sailing works out. Sorry you are feeling lonely. The problem of a spouse being present but absent is pretty common. But Shel is right - you have the double whammy as you can't just go off and do your own thing. Wish I had some good ideas. My mother took my grandmother to adult day care but your DH may not be ready for that.

Hey Shel, I remember visiting that rain forrest years ago. It had the "Hall of Mosses" or something like that. Have fun. Sunrise on the ferry boat is beautiful.

Not much to do today except run errands and prepare for the dog shows - noting like leaving it until the last minute.

Thats about it. Time for coffee and paper shuffling. Diane S

Works for nosebleeds and drippy noses. Just sayin'...

Feel better soon!!!

Hey Cecily, thats about what I need. Once I went to the ER for a bloody nose that would not quit. Thats essentially what they did to me. Stuffed these things up my nose called Rhino Rockets that were about like a tampon. Miserable for 3 days until the ENT could cauterize my nose. Why the ER idiot couldn't do it was beyond me . ds