VSG Maintenance Group
06/02/18, Monday
Wow ! Lost a big hunk of my onion yesterday !! I was starting down a melancholy path and encountered a few additional frustrations. Suddenly, I began to repeat loudly in my head.. "It's alright, it's okay... it didn't matter any way !!" A stuffing chant ! As a kid and into my teens, when I was disappointed or hurt, I used this chant to minimize and stuff my feelings... just before I'd start stuffing and soothing with food ! I haven't consciously thought of this and held it in the light in ~45 years! Opportunity for a breakthrough ! I asked myself, learning all I've learned, when that feeling is triggered what self talk would enable me to feel the feel and work through it in a productive, healthy way ? This is a work in progress, but I know I want to name the feeling and validate it and save it to work through out of the intense feelings, if need be. Something deep and intense surfaced and the old tape was strong and loud. For now, I want to modify the tape if it begins to play, possibilities to include:
It's alright, it's okay...name it, visit it another day.
It's alright, it's okay... name it, resolve it another way.
Minimizing and stuffing got me morbidly obese. So grateful that inclination seems startlingly foreign to me now... but I went there.
It's alright, it's okay... name it, resolve it another way.
Age: 64; 5' 5"; High weight: 345; Start weight: 271 (01/05/15); Surgery weight: 218 (05/27/15); Pre-Op (-53); M 1 (-18); M 2 (-1.5); M 3 (-13.5 ); M 4 (-13); M 5 (- 8); M 6 (-12) M 7 (-5, Xmas); M 8 (- 9) Under surgeon's goal and REACHED HEALTHY BMI 12/07/15!! (Six months and one week.) AT GOAL month 8. Maintaining at goal range (139- 144) ~ four (4) years !!
Weight 117.4, calories 1754 (TMI, 2 days overdue for bathroom, so true weight may be a bit lower). Our family BBQ on the new deck was a hit. I grilled halibut with basil shallot butter and it was amazing! A cannoli found its way into my mouth...
Stayed up late talking with DSD -- really enjoyable. The only sort of downer was that SIL (the one who lives with us in FL) got stinking drunk for the second night in a row. Saturday night when leaving the restaurant she fell in the parking lot and hit her head on a limo. She ended up with a black eye, a nasty contusion on her arm and a big toe that is big and purple. Last night she burned herself on our ho****er (yes it is hotter than usual but always has been and she knows that). She went on and on and on about the burn being essentially my fault because my water was too hot. I said multiple times that I got the point and finally went downstairs and turned it down then. It was only one notch above normal btw and now it is set below normal. We will see if our showers are hot enough. When I came back she started in again. Other SIL drove her home at that point. I suspect she won't remember much this morning.
Anyway, today is another warm one. May poke around downtown with DSD.
Have a marvelous Monday!
Liz 5'3" HW: 219 SW: 185 GW: 125 LW: 113 Desired maintenance range: 120-125 CW: 119ish
Good morning!
DianeO, In my cartoon brain, a large Walla-Walla onion is bouncing down the sidewalk, never to bother you again. (Walla-Walla is a Washington city in the farming side of state. Their nnions are insanely huge) Now that you see it the onion, it is so obvious, right?
I'm going to let your learnings simmer. I am a classic minimizer (just a few steps away from ostrich territory, right?) But, I am letting M150's words about yesterday about some foods (that happen to be better for you) being too much work. There is something in there I need to explore, too.
You people are making me think too hard.
Liz, that SIL! Falling down drunk with a bounce off a limo! Also a cartoon, but a very sad one.
Off to workout!
Lose an onion, today! Mine might only be a green onion. Or, maybe just a leek.
Shel
HW:361 SW:304 (VSG 12/04/2014)Mo 1:-32 Mo 2:-13.5 Mo 3: -13.5 Mo 4 -9.5 Mo 5: -15 Mo 6: -15 Mo 7: -13.5 Mo 8: -17 Mo 9: -13 Mo 10: -12.5 11/3/2015 Healthy BMI Reached! Mo 11: -9 Mo 12: -8 12/27/2015 Goal Weight Reached!
Oh, those FEELINGS...what to do with them? I guess my traditional (old tape) THINKING about situations is what drives those feelings, and, the best I've been able to come up with is this. In any given cir****tance, if something unpleasant or bad or aggravating (whatever negative) happens and I'm involved--It is somehow MY FAULT. So, then, guilt and shame and unhappiness and...and...so my solution is to hide the fact (judgement of self ) so I don't have to admit that what I've always known about my self is true... I am less than-no good-bad news. What I think (above) generates those feelings. Who can suffer that? So I make them go away....feel nothing. How to do that? Eat or drink or sleep or just go numb. Stuff them.
Those old tapes are powerful--I have protected my self against that so long. Yes, I still deal with that sometimes, It is an easy default...but destructive.
My new tape- Bad, sad, unpleasant things happen--they are not always my fault. Experience the moment, feel the bad- There is some **** I do not have to eat (ee *******s).
Thank you for your post. Reminds me to keep practicing. I'm practicing.
150.4
goal!!! August 20, 2013 age: 59 High weight: 345 (June, 2011) Consult weight: 293 (June, 2012) Pre-Op: 253 (Nov., 2012) Surgery weight: 235 (Dec. 12, 2012) Current weight: 145
TOTAL POUNDS LOST- 200 (110 pounds lost before surgery, 90 pounds lost Post Op.diabetes in remission-blood pressure normal-cholesterol and triglyceride levels normal! BMI from 55.6 supermorbidly obese to 23.6 normal!!!!
Right there with you, sistah !
Age: 64; 5' 5"; High weight: 345; Start weight: 271 (01/05/15); Surgery weight: 218 (05/27/15); Pre-Op (-53); M 1 (-18); M 2 (-1.5); M 3 (-13.5 ); M 4 (-13); M 5 (- 8); M 6 (-12) M 7 (-5, Xmas); M 8 (- 9) Under surgeon's goal and REACHED HEALTHY BMI 12/07/15!! (Six months and one week.) AT GOAL month 8. Maintaining at goal range (139- 144) ~ four (4) years !!
on 7/2/18 8:48 am
Good morning
Survived Canada Day and in the end did go up to the Market but everything is very costly. Ie: a loaf of ( I know to be amazing bread ) was $8.00. And four leaves of kale $5. It is good for the vendors and they mostly sell out. Great music and met a whole bunch of people that had not seen for a time.
the first visitors arrive today. As mentioned it is going to be a busy two months.
Have a wonderful Monday.
on 7/2/18 9:43 am
Weight garbed: 158. I was thinking, gracious, I am swinging around a lot on the scale these days. Then I remembered I'd had 12 oz of water with my pills. Less confused now.
Excited agenda today. I'm replacing 2 toilet seats that have fallen apart (Kohler puts cheap toilet seats on their potties or my builder did!). I didn't really notice it was happening because they aren't bathrooms I use. I have too many bathrooms for one person. Note to self: investigate training Fergus to use a toilet.
Wound care. Endless. I see him tomorrow.
Dog walks.
Schedule an electrician for some new fancy switches.
Call the cable company and find a way to lower my ridiculous bill.
DianeO, I like your reframing of an old refrain!
Liz, your fish sounds delicious. And your SIL is something else...
MissBonnie, love your new tape! So much kinder than the first one (which is exactly what mine used to sound like)
Has your surgeon heard of your new diagnosis? It is always exciting to see what has happened to people in between appointments.
HW:361 SW:304 (VSG 12/04/2014)Mo 1:-32 Mo 2:-13.5 Mo 3: -13.5 Mo 4 -9.5 Mo 5: -15 Mo 6: -15 Mo 7: -13.5 Mo 8: -17 Mo 9: -13 Mo 10: -12.5 11/3/2015 Healthy BMI Reached! Mo 11: -9 Mo 12: -8 12/27/2015 Goal Weight Reached!
