Tuesday June 19

It's coming - one of these days. Bits and pieces on the desk ....won't forget. Definitely a "What was she thinking?" kind of story.

(Especially the next to the last paragraph). Wonderful. Resilience and perseverance are such key elements to your journey - your search for you. We are all on a path. Stepping off and-or-stopping for reasons good, bad, or unknown happens. To stay there means we are finished--to get back on the path and get moving means there is more to see-be-do-grow-know--continued moving into enlightenment. Shine on!

And further to this topic of mindfulness and jiggering and tweaking and changing ....

This morning at yoga class, several other women and I were talking about the body changes we're all undergoing along the lines of my discussion lately about dysmorphia, aging, etc. One of my friends in her early 60s who's a lifetime Weigh****chers member and still weighs in weekly and attends meetings said she feels very sad when she sees women who are in their 70s still coming to Weigh****chers trying to "fix their weight problems" and said, "I just pray that when I'm their age I'm not still struggling with my weight the way they have to struggle."

My (predictably Pollyanna) response was: "See, I just view that -- working on my weight -- as the thing I have to work on. I think almost everyone has something they have to work on long-term. For some, it's diabetes or depression or alcoholism or codependency or one of the other things lots of people struggle with. So I guess I don't mind so much having to keep working on my weight because it could have been something even tougher."

I think there's a widely indulged, deeply inaccurate fantasy among the WLS community that obese people and formerly obese people are the only ones who struggle with weight and fitness and dysmporphia. But I don't think it's confined to us.

Thank you. I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitresses!

So I have definitely learned that I am not above regain. And that I will always have to "watch my weight" or "struggle." I used to think that meant I was broken (still?) or that it was a bad thing. But I really don't believe weight is a character flaw. Some people think obesity equates to laziness. If that were the case, my step son is wayyyy too skinny. Nope, it just is what it is. A number. A medical issue, perhaps. Unfortunately I also don't think that you can guess how much or what one eats based on one's size. So weight doesn't even necessarily come down to eating habits (though, yes, you can change it by that. But I think a person's metabolism has much more bearing on this). All that to say, I'm becoming more accepting of the struggle.

By the same token, I'm also okay with being okay. I may not be "fixed" but I feel more confident that I can figure it out. That doesn't mean I won't have to fine tune or get back to basics or pass up something when I reeeallly want it. I will still struggle. But I WILL struggle. If that makes sense. Or maybe I'm just blabbering.

I guess I'm somewhere in the middle. I don't think I'm fixed. But I also don't think I'm broken. In fact, I don't think I was ever "broken" because that would imply that being overweight is a flaw. I'm working.

Very good points, Bonnie.

One more thought from this corner, and then I'm heading to town to a ladies tea. That sentence almost makes me laugh.

It must be true that people who become obese and morbidly obese do so via a variety of influences, cir****tances, and causes. The factors that led me to needing / choosing WLS are very likely not the same ones that led anyone else here to that decision.

In my case -- to use your language, and I'm not talking about anyone else here, just me -- my eating behavior really was "broken." Likewise, my self-care was very weak and had been close to non-existent most of my life. Everyone else's needs trumped mine, others' needs were easier for me to fix, and the rewards for meeting their needs were much more valuable to me. Plus, before WLS, I had learned and invested in so few skills that could possibly have helped me change my lifestyle.

In short, WLS scared me straight. Not in the "I'm fixed forever" sense, but in the "I'm finally willing to deal with this **** forever" way.

And if I post again today, somebody turn a firehose on me. Please.

Post again, oh please, please, please!!!! No firehoses here!

Greetings Maintenance Experts

We are experts even if we don't always accomplish everything we want. We know far more about this topic than most of the human race. I also know how dig a big hole in the yard but that doesn't mean I am going to do it.

149.5 today. Better than before. But I still need to face the fact that I am 20 pounds overweight. All this talk of weight lifting reminds me I should go to the gym and do some of that - at least lower body stuff.

Yikes Carbon, so awful that a grandmother has been murdered in your town. It indeed has a huge effect in a small community. Most killings around here are drug related but there is an unsolved murder of a college student that has caused great commotion and complicated by racial issues. Hope the poor granddaughter does well with her baby. And that your new knee is improving.

Well I try not to be stupid but occasionally do stupid things. Like playing on the computer instead of doing something constructive. Or eating some of the junk food DH is buying again.

Hmm, interesting thought Cecily that people after wls may have micro nutritional issues that impact healing. Still, whaddaya gonna do? You must feel like Winnie the Pooh always slathering honey on. But it sounds like you have indeed turned the corner. Hang in there. Underwear is just around the corner....

Its overcast and windy here today so dogs may or may not get walked. House may or may not get cleaned. Errands may or may not get done. Post office is a must to send in yet more estate stuff.

Not much else to report here. We have kind of gotten into a dull rut and need to plan more stuff. Thinking of a possible trip to Crator Lake. There is an active community watch group here that monthly does trash clean ups so maybe we could get into that. Especially if they have coffee. Diane S

Winnie the Pooh indeed! I'm avoiding bees and bears lest they get any ideas...

Quick fly by post

M150, I loved your post recently. So heartfelt/thoughtful/SMART

OMG, and this Try not to be stupid. Or, at least have stupid friends. :) This was quite poorly written at 4am before my coffee.

What I meant was this: if you are going to be stupid about worrying about muscle weight gain (ANN,) at least have friends that are just as stupid about the same thing (ME! I AM THE STUPID!)

I so hate that I unintentionally implied that others are stupid! I rather hate that word (my DH uses it all the time)

But, that got me thinking about my friends, IRL and in this community. As I get older, I realize more and more how much I need benefit from other's thoughts about me personally and/or our common issues.

I once thought I had amazing self-insight. It was one reason I didn't seek help......no need for help when one knows it all.

Ok, back to your fabulous conversation....wish I could hang out longer....such good stuff here the last few days.

"I once thought I had amazing self-insight. It was one reason I didn't seek help......no need for help when one knows it all."

Boy, do I resemble that remark!

It's hot here today, so firehoses would be welcome after all. :)