Monday, June 18, 2018

Weight: 134.0
Macros: Cals 1,267, Carbs 123, Fats 43, Protein 88, Fiber 26
Sleep hours: 9.5 hours
Vegetable/Fruit Servings: 5
Exercise: Deck yoga, mowing, gardening

I slept like a log last night. Eating was back on the straight and narrow. Weight was down. I'd like to be 132 before I leave for Venice on June 30, 13 days from now. It's all up to me.

This morning I'll head out to The Big City to see my therapist and do some shopping and errands. And I just realized that two months from today will be my 4th surgiversary.

Looking back at those four years, I realize that the mindfulness I've invested in paying such close attention to my weight, eating, and exercise has helped me be more present for everything else that's happened in my life these last four years.

Today's theme: Be here now.

Weight 118.6 (in bathing suit), calories 1030. I find that eliminating wine helps me control my eating on vacation not just because of the wine calories themselves, but more because I can keep on plan in the evening. Most people do drink during vacation, so I have to make sure I have my water with me. Another interesting thing is that I am eating slightly more calories with my regular meals because lower fat/reduced calorie isn't as available here. Contrary to what some people say it doesn't seem to make any difference in my appetite. At home I eat some reduced calorie, some not, more based on taste than anything else.

And I agree, Ann, that learning how to eat mindfully makes a big difference. I think it is why I enjoy food more - I don't overeat until I can't taste it. And I am starting to better understand real vs head hunger (which doesn't mean I've eliminated head hunger, just that I am developing strategies to cope with it). And daily weighing and tracking is so important for me too. My exercise isn't as robust as others, but I need to walk, yoga or something daily for mind and body.

Last night though I didn't have wine, DH had more than usual. He thought he was carrying on conversations but was making little sense, which was straining the other people. It was kind of like charades. I convinced him to leave around his usual bedtime though and he was sawing Wood within about 10 minutes.

Today we are planning the next few days with our friends as one of them leaves early Thursday. Right now a sail including lunch is on the agenda for tomorrow. I'm really not dreading leaving here like in the past, because I go home to beautiful Cape Cod, not work, and I really am missing Justice a lot. Oh, btw, I discovered that I can use Netflix here (though not Amazon Prime or Xfinity). In the past I couldn't get Netflix, but they must have made a deal with Aruba. So that makes my time at night on the patio a bit more palatable. I read most of the day, so I want a little different entertainment when sitting around at night.

Have a mostly pleasant Monday!

Good morning, all!

Paula, love and support flowing your way. Honey-C, it sounds like your body is slowly turning the corner. (Like a (slender) semi trying to turn around in a parking lot without hitting any cars)

We had super busy family weekend.

I am also trying to thread the needle with DD who is OVER-MOTIVATED to do ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING this summer! She has plans to work 35 hours a week, take 10 credits at community college, study for SAT, hone her violin skills to ensure she is concert master next year, and community service. Did I forget anything? Yes! Cross-country practice three days a week.

From a child-rearing standpoint, I know there are worse things.

Our little 9.5 years pup, Tink (4.5lbs) has started digging in the garden and perhaps eating something. Being outside that long is unusual for her and she has even been out there in the rain, absolutely soaked. Normally, she doesn't like going out even in a light drizzle. She has never been a digger. DH says there he hasn't put anything on the yard. (I know that is true, we had a dog get really sick from something, once. He would never take that chance again.) We can't figure out what she is going after, if anything. Any thoughts on this behavior, dog whisperers?

I endorse Be Here Now.

Shel

Voles or perhaps moles, but my guess would be voles.

Or chipmunks if you have those. My dad's goldens go after chippies with a vengeance digging feet into the ground to get to them. They've caught 6 in the last two months and one mouse. Gracie is the huntress. Barkley comes in after the fact and plays with what she caught with just as much pride as if he caught it himself!

Hmm, clearly vermin seeking behavior. Our town is awash with gophers but none dare venture in our terrier patrolled back yard. But thrill seeking cats often walk the top of the fence. ds

Morning, all!

"eating was back on the straight and narrow..".

what a concept! I've been in a bit of a flux as I get close to where I think I should be weight-wise-body and mind wise-how to proceed with maintenance this time around-wise, and all that other-wise.....

I did not get on the scales this morning, having strayed down the crooked path yesterday with mindfully eating a quantity of both baked goodys and nut fats. This was a head thing- a floundering around- a signal that I need to seriously look at where I am, and perhaps rechart the next goal.

Although I am 7-8#s heavier than my lowest weight - well, that was about 4 years ago- and maybe 145 is not where my body needs to be now.

I am back in the same clothes- so size wise, no problems. Like it has been noted here, looking in the mirror can produce a negatively critical view of all the wigglely parts, but when I catch my reflection in a window I am amazed and delighted that "that person" is me.

Although I am eating much the same as I have been this last year, my weight has stabilized - still loosing some, but... maybe my body likes where I'm at?

Mentally, I know what it is to be in loosing mode, and also what it means to be in mindless-but-uncaring gaining mode-- (I do not know so much what it means to be in Comfortable in your own body mode. Acknowledging that---must mean that I accept--and Like---and --Want--to be physically where I am at .

.That being here, being me, as I am is ok.correct.acceptable.presentable.comfortable.lovable. (Dare I say it, Peps, Perfect)?Emotionaly, I do not recognize that mind set...Owning that truth flies in direct opposition to the message I was taught as a child and later adopted as my own identity as an adult...Yes, yes, I know...but those old tapes are so hard to erase.

So, navigating the next goal may be realizing and living and being comfortable in and loving this body I am in. Love is in the eyes of the beholder. I behold-me.

Gosh, Bonnie 150 ... such interesting posts today. Body acceptance, dysmorphia, etc. -- I want to ponder those topics, too.

Wow - I know what you mean! I'm so afraid to be even 1 pound up from last year because I also don't really know how to feel fully comfortable in my own skin. I feel like allowing my range to be even 1 pound higher is giving in to regain as I ALWAYS did in the past pre-WLS.

wow, Ann. I literally got on here thinking about how I was going to post about the importance of being 'present" and living in the now, only to see your wonderful and apropos theme!

My theme for 2018 was to be present. Everything that has happened this year on this board, and especially how Paula has exuded such strength and grace and faith in the midst of what life has given her this year, has been so encouraging to me. I thought about saying what life has "thrown" at Paula this year. But after reading her inspiring and faithful caringbridge posts, I thought maybe she would not have put it that way. She spoke so lovingly and eloquently about the gift that Ben's life has been.

Even in hard times, I'm going to challenge myself to believe that even the struggles are a blessing.

That's not to say that I won't share my struggles here, or be overwhelmed by that at times. But I am currently overwhelmed with blessings in my life, and an almost urgency to experience everything and be immersed in everything while I can!

In that vein, with respect to weight, I thought "what are you waiting for??"

So I started counting my calories yesterday. It's not punishment. It's a gift to myself. It's self-loving. Before WLS, a constant thought in my mind was how I was waiting for life to be better when I lost weight. Thank goodness I don't have that roadblock any more. I also feel like if i'm happy with my weight now, fine. If I'm not, do something about it. Just stop living in that in-between where I don't give myself permission to be happy about it! Luckily, I have no deadlines to lose weight. I'm just doing it for me and it's an ever evolving process.

Perhaps yesterday wasn't the best day to begin counting calories, as it was father's day. We began at Cracker Barrel to celebrate with DH before he drove out of state. I had the turkey sausage (1 piece), egg whites (1/2 order) hashbrown casserole (1/2 order), and 1/2 biscuit. It was a mix of eating half and choosing healthier options--though I cannot say I ordinarily recommend it. Their turkey sausage was pretty gross :(

Lunch was a light black bean burger on top of some lettuce with salsa.

Early dinner for my dad was meatloaf, baked macaroni and cheese, and a salad. I ate half portions of everything. It was really hard to limit myself to 1/2 slice chocolate meringue pie but I kept recalling the advice I'd received in the past: no bite tastes as good as the first 3. Not ideal macros yesterday, but calories were 1149.

Paula-thinking of you and praying for you every day.

Shel-wow your photos are always so stunning. Hard to believe that is real!

Liz-jealous of your trip plans! I loved Scotland! Can't wait to take DH there someday. He loves geology

Ann-love the theme of the day! I had forgotten about your Venice plans. How exciting.

Peps-a doggy tattoo, how appropriate! Hope you are taking some much needed break time this summer.