Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Good morning,

I was going to wish pox onto Cecily's surgeon but then he would cancel today's appt so I am instead wishing him good health. Cheers!

Off to Bandara mtn in a few. (don't think about cougars, don't think about cougars, don't think about cougars)

Liz, honestly, I think it is amazing you don't complain more. Unfortunately, I have a dark streak in me and I fear that I would collapse into a puddle of resentment at the unfairness of the universe if I was in your situation. I already have a low level simmer going that my DH doesn't take care of basic health things like eating right and basic exercise and getting to the doctor when he OBVIOUSLY needs help. I am trying to be more compassionate, be a better human being. (I am more compassionate with non-family members!)

As a wise woman told me in Vancouver BC, we all do the best we can.

Go find your recess, while you can.

Shel

Thank you, Shel! I am trying not to be angry, but failing. I head back up there for an 11am appointment. They look much worse. I hope he has a plan...

PS - Bandara Mtn. reminds me of Bandini Mountain. There was a fertilizer company in LA County called Bandini Fertilizer when I was a kid. They had a 100 ft mound of fertilizer in front of their headquarters you could see from the freeway they called Bandini Mountain. They ran a commercial on TV where someone tried to ski Bandini Mountain where "only cows had gone before". He passes out at the end. It was genius.

Ski Bandini Mountain

Truly genius!

Now Bandara in my head will be associated with Bandini, too!

139.8.

Staying home from work today because Ben's hiccups have been so bad that they are taking his breath away and then he goes into a total panic. I can usually talk him down with some breathing exercises so didn't want him to be alone today in case that all continued. So far it has only happened a few times. I did go back to sleep after only being up for an hour, so that is good - must have needed it!

Hospital bed, oxygen, commode, and wheeled walker all delivered last night; that is in addition to the wheelchair, over the bed table and shower chair we had already received. Our house is looking more and more like a hospital everyday. Sigh. Right now he isn't using a lot of the stuff but better to have it then be in a panic for it to be delivered when you really need the stuff NOW!

I'm really wanting another CT scan for Ben to see where the progression of cancer is and hopefully be able to estimate how much longer he has. I'm in such a quandary about when to start taking my leave. Not sure if that is even possible with him on Hospice, but I think I will call and ask anyway.

Much love to you all. I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers!

Paula, did you see my post the other day about my dad's hiccups with his cancer? Sounds just like Ben's - unable to breathe causing panic. Compazine helped him tremendously. I hope he finds some relief soon!

Wishing you both peace and strength.

I don't think I did see it. He did get a med, Reglan ? or something like that that is helping some - thank God!

I don't know just what it is about today, but I'm just sobbing over the posts and overwhelmed thinking about the fierce, sharp and cutting beauty that comprises the whole spectrum that makes up ones life- birth, life, and death. Praying God's grace and peace for you today.

Will he be able to do DS' graduation? I know that was so important to him.

I hope so. He will go in a wheelchair for sure but it all depends on his pain/fatigue level at the time if he can actually attend.