Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Weight: 133.8
Macros: Cals 1,480, carbs 171, fats 45, protein 82, fiber 38
V/F servings: 9
Sleep: 7.5 hours
Exercise: Yoga class

Good morning! Yesterday was busy I got so many things done. And I had lots of good veggies and fruits.

One of the best things going on here is I'm sleeping well without any sleep aids.

Today is going to be another busy one here. The "hired grandsons" are coming to work, and I have physical therapy, more errands, and mowing. Always mowing. Tonight is a small birthday dinner for my CPA's wife.

Cecily, I am SO FRUSTRATED on your behalf with your surgeon. Grrrrr! I hope your incisions get fixed permanently today. Sending you some very gentle hugs.

Today's theme: One thing at a time.

Good morning early bird!

Weight 117.8, calories 817. We went to DH's support meeting (and my separate caretaker meeting) last night and went to a great sandwich place afterwards for dinner. Nice atmosphere and I had a great baked haddock sandwich which I ate without the bun. Quite cost effective too!

I need to stop complaining about stuff that DH does that frustrates me (well not as much anyway). Last night we talked about how our relationships with our husbands were not husband/wife anymore. We aren't attracted to them that way anymore because they aren't who we married and we are in different roles now. I think most people who don't understand how this disease changes people might be shocked by that, but it is true for prettty much all of us. And one woman kind of hates her husband now. He is so angry that she is angry back. He lost all their savings (doesn't know how, but blamed her for it). They had to sell a car and he refused to sell his so she had to sell hers. He won't let her drive it unless he is with her so she can't go anywhere on her own or see friends without him. She has had to start selling her jewelry for money to live on. It is just so sad what this disease does, and our husbands are only in the early/middle stages.

Yesterday was somewhat productive. I figured out how to use my new power washer and washed the front of the house. It looks good, but my arm and hands hurt today, so none of that today. I do get a little compulsive with it, but for the sake of my body have to squelch those tendencies (LOL). We have company coming for dinner tonight (DS cooking), so we need to get the first floor cleaned today. Hopefully I can fit in some yoga this morning too.

Paula, I'm thinking about you, Ben and your family. I hope graduation goes well.

Have a happy hump day!

Liz, the spousal relationship changes you describe are the very same that a friend of mine (here) says about her relationship with her husband who has Alzheimer's. "I don't have a partner anymore," she says. She also says, "I wonder if I will EVER be able to stop taking care of people." This is a woman who cared for her mother, a sister, and now her husband. She also has adult children who struggle a bit.

As you know, I cared for my mom who had Alzheimer's, but hard as that was it was nothing like the challenge of caring (alone) for a spouse who gradually changes and gradually disappears into their future, ever-changing manifestations. Also, movies like that dumb "Notebook" flick paint only a romantic version of Alzheimer's that, in my considerable experience and observations, don't exist and establish unrealistic, painful standards for care-giving.

This is a tough gig, no matter what your resources. And for those of us -- like me, you, and my friend -- who are "Get it done!" kinds of people who always (somehow) make things work out -- it's especially frustrating. We have to change dramatically our definitions of "success."

One truth I resisted for a long time was that I could NOT handle the care-giving load by myself. The hugest hurdle I eventually overcame was accepting that it was time to put Mother in a nursing home. Those words "put Mother in a nursing home" were like a curse in my family, and this decision was not met with approval by most of my siblings, nieces and nephews. The decision created a familial breach that lasted for several years. But it was the right decision. Happily, the wounds did gradually heal.

The right decisions, when they're made, don't make everyone happy. They're simply the best of all the options available and given the actual facts in evidence.

Thanks Ann. In the support groups I am in, some have placed their husbands and some kept them home until the end. Both decisions are fully supported and obviously it is a personal one. I always thought that eldest DD was the caretaker and I couldn't function in that role. But then I took care of DD, my mother, now DH. One of my worries is financial. If I can't take care of him for most of his illness, I will be financially drained. Since he is physically healthy it is likely that he will live long after most of his personality and memories are gone. My financial planner is exploring someone who can advise on trusts to protect some of my assets. I don't want to cheat the government but I could end up with a long life too and don't want to end up in subsidized housing at the end of my days.

Too much serious talk. I am a proponent of putting off thinking about negatives until I have to think about them. The sun is coming out!

Liz, I subscribe to the "better out than in" method of emotional management. Complain all you want. You have earned it and we can handle it. And holding back just bottles it up until it flies out under pressure when you aren't expecting it.

Such good advice Ann!

Just saying hello and wishing you hugs.

Oh Liz, I am so sorry for the challenges you are having with DH. I can't even imagine being married to a spouse who changes so much! Hugs to you!

And Paula, I wouldn't want to be where you are now. Love to all of you

Liz, there is a general knowing about Alzheimer's (I have that- you know, detached head knowledge), and then there is the real, honest to God intimate knowing of the condition (what you live). You break my heart, and humble me, and I feel privileged that you are willing to share your life with us.